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How do these things play out.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Gergin, Feb 7, 2016.

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  1. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    Every time I tried to talk to my mother about the sexual abuse I went through. She we either deflect or deny that it ever happened to me. I know whatever happened was out of her hands but I am still so angry with her. I want to forgive her but I don't know how to.
  2. KayKayBug

    KayKayBug Member

    With any parent the worse things that happen in their kids life seem to be harder for them to handle... They just refuse to accept it as a way of copeing.... even if they don't realize it's hurting you because of their lack of care. No parent wants to believe there is something "wrong" with their child. For a long time my depression went un-medicated and un-diagnosed because my parents didn't believe that when i said "I just want to kill myself" i was being serious. It took a suicide note in the 8th grade to a counselor to get through to them.

    In your case: the military, army in particular, typically is something most people highly respect. And even if people are told the "horrors" of basic and the military in general, most don't believe it, or it's brushed off. Your mom sounds like she is not meaning to hurt you, but afraid to realize that her child has been abused by the very thing meant to protect our country. I know how infuriating it is to be desperately trying to communicate with your family and them not even believe what you're saying... but keep trying. She doesn't mean to hurt you, she just is afraid of the truth...

    Stay strong friend, I'm here if you need anything.

    ThePhantomLady likes this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I am really sorry you are going through this. It can be extremely hard for a parent to accept their ''child'' was abused! I know if I had kids and one my mine was abused, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I hope things improve for you. If something could make the tension ease between you and your mom what do you think that something would be? Sending big hugs your way ((hugs))
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    This is something I struggle with too, my mother's reaction (blamed me). But I do think it's difficult for a parent to deal with this.

    I really do hope things get easier to deal with for you *big hugs*

    Personally I sometimes get a bit shocked when my boyfriend responds with anger when I talk to him about some of the things that happened. The other day he told me "If I caught someone do that to my daughter they wouldn't be able to find him again!!". My own mother responded so coldly, asked me a few questions and concluded that I had made it happen.
    I will personally never be able to forgive her, and it is creating a lot of hurt, mainly for myself...
  5. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    Hi, thank you. I didn't think about that way. I really need to consider her emotions more.
  6. KayKayBug

    KayKayBug Member

    I'm glad i could help even a little bit. She loves you very much, and I know that is a no duh phrase. but she really does. Keep strong, hun, and dont let the past define who you are and how your life is. Continue to reach out for help, but remember: sometimes people cant accept the truth. Everyone here at SF are here for you and are willing to listen and help you. And being mad at your mom isn't going to help you, it's just going to hurt you and possibly ruin your relationship with her. Keep your head up and remember what you have survived can help others.

    I'm here if you ever need to talk.

  7. KBambi

    KBambi Active Member

    I also struggle with this. I wonder why she never got me help
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