how do u talk to girls

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Darker Than Black, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. Darker Than Black

    Darker Than Black Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to say, I don't have many friends, and other issues...

    so, about girls in general, I just don't know what to say. I get really really nervous, and keep on telling my self "just talk to her..com'on, just say something" and I get more nervous, I'm afraid of going up and start stuttering or something, because I do sometimes.

    for example, one time in chem tutorial, this girl I kinda like, walked in, and I was stuck on a question, I wanted to ask her, but I just sat there side ways on my chair, held my lab, and I was breathing pretty heavy, cuz I was so nervous. So I didn't do anything after that, and the same goes with all the other girls, regardless of whether I like them or not.

    And then, I saw her couple other time at a materials engineering info night and environmental engineering info night, I saw her w/ some of her friends, and some guy friends. I guess this changes the title of my topic. I just so sad. and I didn't want to think about her anymore, cuz its just gonna cuz me more distress, and I don't wanna get hurt again. I thought to myself, she must have a lot of guy friends, I can't compete, or even come close to matching what so ever.

    so back on to topic, I get so scared when it comes to girls >.<, I don't know if this is an issue to say to my social anxiety group, maybe they can help me out, but its a group, u know, I don't everybody to know, and I don't want them to judge me or anything. What can I do?
     
  2. Beautiful Disaster

    Beautiful Disaster Forum Buddy SF Supporter

    mmm.. I am a girl, they say
    I would approach a girl if she was alone, just incase it doesnt work out, it stays between you and her and its not so scary..

    maybe you can come in contact with girls you via their facebook and leave a message and start from there on..

    hoped it helped

    I always like it when a guy comes up to me and has something to say. Not something like; he girl, wanna go out bla bla. If someone starts a conversation first and than go from there on..

    :D
     
  3. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    :unsure: This is tough because I had a lot of trouble when I was younger. In fact, I really didn't talk to a girl I was interested in until I was about 17 and it didn't work out, mostly because I was always trying to think of something clever to say and nothing came out right. Then, when I was 18, the girl was so in love with me that it didn't matter what I said. It went on like this for many years. The answer for me was, and I'm sure this is true of most, just be yourself and if she's worth it, she'll like what you have to say. If you try and think it through too much, it will probably come out wrong or not at all. Also, don't lie. Most can tell, and if they can't the lie will come back to burn you in the end (pun intended).
     
  4. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I have some friends that are female, and talking to them is sometimes even more comfortable than talking to my guys.

    However, if I were to come upon a woman I didnt know, but found myself attracted too, whew, I wouldnt even know where to begin.

    If you find out how to talk to girls, let me know. I could you that advice to talk to 40 year old women. :wink:
     
  5. Panther

    Panther Well-Known Member

    For starters, I would strongly advise not to concentrate on this particular problem too much right now. Working on yourself and your confidence is vital. If you are scared of getting hurt by doing something, then chances are .. you will get hurt. But this can change - you just have got to get comfortable with yourself, other people aren't going to make you feel better. Being scared of approaching girls is a side-effect of a deeper problem. Myself I used to be so scared of rejection that I would rather not have asked a girl out at all than be rejected. I still don't have a girlfriend now and am in my 30s but I talk to girls a fair bit now and am reasonably confident. It's taken a little while to get to this point though.
    I would however definitely say something to your social anxiety group, because I think they could help you. People who judge others for things like that are fuckwits. Okay that might be a bit strong, but no-one should judge you on something like that. Even if one or two people do, most of the people in that group probably have similar problems anyway, no?
     
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    I would suggest talking to her alone --less people for your social anxiety to notice -- then just say whatever comes to your head, however it comes to your head. If you are interested in the girl and you don't have much confidence, which by the way is TOTALLY normal and most guys were nervous talking to girls for some time, then whatever you say will SOUND stupid to your ears.

    But the important thing to remember is that the worst thing that can happen to you is she finds you uninteresting. That's it. It's not as bad as you'd think. One way to get over your nervousness is by finding a flaw in the person --- ok it's a cynic's trick, but it helps if you get anxious in ANY social setting. When you see this person, think of their flaw and then you don't feel like you have to impress them as much.

    Don't be an asshole about it, just know. For instance, if you were to talk to me focus on how my teeth aren't straight. Keep the flaw to yourself. It may sound like a mean thing to do, but what you're doing is forcing yourself to notice that the other person isn't perfect. And that's how you should see other people. It's our imperfections that make us cool. They're why relationships are important.


    Best luck :)
     
  7. endlessskies58

    endlessskies58 Well-Known Member

    start by being her friend! i will only start to like a guy or even want to date him if he's my friend first. i don't like it when guys instantly like me because it makes me feel like they just want to have sex with me... they don't know me as a person so what else could they want?... being her friend first makes you a lot less threatening and enjoyable... just don't worry about getting her attracted to you. find out who she is as a person first... friendship is a test for whether you even want the person in your life at all. just because she's pretty doesn't mean she's date material, ya know? what if she has a bad history? you want to find that out first.

    and enjoy her friendship! don't be stressed by the fact she's a girl! i think the opposite gender is more easy to talk to sometimes then the same gender. like, i actually have two guy best friends and only one girl best friend.

    then, eventually, you will be able to decide if you want to date her and will know her well enough to feel comfortable around her. in this way you can try to get her into you... you will probably be able to figure out if she likes you or not from her personality too.
     
  8. Darker Than Black

    Darker Than Black Well-Known Member

    side effect of something deeper? maybe, everytime I see her, one is that I get kinda nervous, 2nd I get really sad afterward, and I try not to cry, maybe its a side effect, and I don't know how and when I'm going to get over it. So now, i do my best not to think about anything like that, ever. And whenever she's around, I try not to look, and force myself to think about something else. But i don't wanna turn out single for ever, u know?
     
  9. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    i use to be able to get any girl, now I am a eunuch and left in hell what a nightmare

    you pretty much have to be yourself, if you are an asshole you wont get any girls, if you are a nice guy you will get tons of girls pretty much any girl you want

    nightmare fucking nightmare I hope a meteor strikes earth and kills everyone, i hate you all
     
  10. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    Your suffering from anxiety and it is just has you on a leash.

    Just ask yourself... would you rather just be afraid your whole life just because you were afraid of what people thought? would you rather ruin your opportunity to something greater than the numbing existance just because you are afraid what people would say in their conscious minds. Oh so what they will talk... and talk... but they can't do anything. Your anxiety is just talking to you asking you to come back in it's destructive safe shell. You will realize this if you think.

    There are no down sides to it, and maybe talk is cheap, but what do you have to lose... if you are already at the bottom, posting on a suicide forum(no offense to anyone). The point is, your at the bottom already so .. why not? Eventually they will realize jealousy has taken over their minds, and you have just become stronger.

    I know I don't know what goes on in your head, but everyone suffers from some anxiety of some sort for their own reasons. And you have 2 decisions:
    1. Let anxiety win, just to feel secure
    or
    2. Fight back, and take a chance at life

    And running away is not considered fighting back.
    If your having trouble finding the words to say to girls, just ask about their lives. Be interested in their lives, not just their bodies. Pretend you are some casanova, and be confident. There is no need to cry anymore.
     
  11. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ok. here is the perspective of a female, age 45. talk to us. talk to us about anything.

    but. when you talk to us. . . .ignore everything else and everyone else, around. don't answer your texts, or check your blackberry. look into our eyes, and talk about anything. then, never taking your eyes away ask what we think of that. and listen. listen like it is barack obama promising you a bail-out package. . .

    we like attention. (anyone who says they don't like attention is lying.) but we want your focused attention.

    many times if there was a choice between two or more guys. . just sayin. if it was close, a man who is attentive to me, wins hands down. and someone that phones me everyday, texts, emails. . . . the full-court press. it works. period. disinterest does not work.
    the eye contact, the listening, and the feeling he is not a player....works.

    disclaimer. . . players need not apply for the above criteria. most of us can spot them miles away. . . . . ..
     
  12. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    mmm personally i wouldnt go for a girl that required that much attention, its not something i could maintain, why do people need emails and txt messages everyday? didnt have these things 50 years ago and people coped.

    I dont have any advice to give, aside from be yourself, thats my only advice, never, ever pretend to be something your not, and never comprimise on something fundamental to your make up, or something you really enjoy just to please the women in your life. If you wanna drink and she hates you drinking...leave asap (talking social drinking here) only leads to trouble down the road and a complete waste of time, id also say try and develop a busy life outside of a relationship...in the end, you cant rely on anybody else to make you happy, or even satisfied with life. Thats what im gonna try and do, but my health is poor right now

    dont mean to be negative, but im pretty jaded with it all atm.
     
  13. miracletome

    miracletome Active Member

    i have the same problem with one of my friends who's a guy too
    except im a girl.. yeah its sad =(
     
  14. colt45

    colt45 Well-Known Member

    It is more of setting than anything.

    At work I talk to them (or lack of talk with them as much as I would any of my male co-worker; mainly because I am focused on the work)

    Plus with family; i do tend to get so what bent out of shape and too serious mainly cause I feel that I am still at work.

    If I do try to talk to girl at a bar when I go but unless I have some thing to drink I still a little up tight and I still can not think of anything to talk about other than work and other boring/serious stuff.

    I am just not used to talking to a girl in a social setting outside of work, school and family. That is my problem.
     
  15. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Practice practice practice practice practice! Any time you encounter a girl, talk to her. Online, on the phone, in person. I'm way, way better at dealing with people in general and women in particular after a stint playing EVE Online of all things.
     
  16. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I'll go with a cliche.
    Be yourself. Seriously, it works. No matter what makes up who you are, if you are yourself completely, girls will appreciate it.
    I have nothing to offer materially. I have no money, phone, or car, yet I am pretty good with girls because I am just completely myself. That can be hard but it works.

    I suppose it could be seen as an art :giggle:. Make them seem like you're not like all the rest. :heart:
     
  17. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    thats me all over as well

    :hugtackles:
     
  18. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    One thing I noticed about women is they are great at picking things up with that 'women intuition thingo.'
     
  19. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Ask plenty of subtle questions so she does most of the talking, every now and again say something about yourself. If she asks you a question, try and make your answer into a question back at her.
     
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    you have the best avatar!!

    to the OP, try not worry about the stuttering and nervousness, sounds like a snowball effect goes on.

    say hello and see where it goes from there? if that is possible.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2009