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How do you build up the courage to approach girls?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by SAVE_ME, Sep 22, 2011.

  1. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    I'm getting a tad bit frustrated of my situation lately. I hear all the time, "just wait and sooner or later the right girl will come along" but to be honest, I think that's complete bull****. That might work for someone who's naturally good looking and has an outgoing personality. But for someone like me, I guess it's just going to take a bit of effort on my part otherwise I'm just waiting while life is passing me by, and that's no fun. I'd really like to start being more proactive about meeting people and finding a girlfriend. I mean, I go plenty of places...swimming, the gym, art groups, writing groups...plenty of opportunites to approach people but I'm just too socially anxious to even consider taking such action. How do you go about it? How do you start a conversation with a girl without coming across as creepy for even bothering to try?

    Even on the rare occasion that someone else initiates the conversation, I clam up. I never really know what to talk about or how to respond. A couple of weeks ago, I was down at the pool length swimming and a girl actually started talking to me. She was chatting to just about everyone who entered the pool. Seemed like the friendly, chatty type and I wasn't sure how to respond and I felt so bad for barely responding. I suppose I'm just not used to other people actually taking the time to talk to me so it catches me off guard.

    I envy those who can do this sort of thing effortlessly. I suppose the main thing I worry about is being judged as a creep or being laughed at, or perhaps worse - being ignored and looking like a damn fool who's just talking to himself.

    Any tips or advice?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I say take a course on building your self esteem it may help you to have more confidence in yourself. Leadership course could help Not everyone is naturally outgoing hun but alot of girls like a quiet guy too hugs
  3. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    Personally i got to the point where i just couldnt give a f*ck anymore about what people think and since then things got better....

    I cant believe im going to say this but you could try websites like plentyoffish.com and oasis.com, that way you can speak to them online first and get to know each other before you meet, then your less likely to clam up.... tis worth a shot
  4. pbobble

    pbobble Well-Known Member

    Well I haven't got a great relationship history, but I'll give you my thoughts. If you go to places like art groups and writing groups then you have some easy conversation starters, ask how there art or writing is going, or how they found what you were doing today. This wont sound creepy, assuming they respond well, you are then in a conversation. Chat for a bit, if you seem to get on add them later on facebook.

    Then send them a pm, nice to meet etc, refer to something you spoke about earlier. They may well respond especially if they possibly like you, chat further, suggest something to do together, if your getting on, swap numbers etc. If there keen they will agree, if not they are unlikely to be offended, probably flattered. This has worked for me and I'm not the most natural socialiser

    As for clamming up and not having things to say, get treatment for your social anxiety, this will help. Then it will become easier to make conversation, you will get more comfortable and experienced in chatting, a positive cycle will emerge that you can build from.

    You can learn some social skills, take an interest in sports, news, ask questions etc, yet the main thing imo with this stuff is to sort the anxiety as best you can, conversation will become more natural then.

    Good luck.
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    This is brilliant advice.

    I just want to add (as a girl) that a guy approaching you is only creepy and annoying when they don't take the hint that you're not interested. It sounds like you're very tuned to their response, so I doubt that you wouldn't get it. So you're in good shape to start a conversation, and then you can easily bail out if it doesn't go smoothly.

    But don't get hung up on how it'll go, because you just don't know. It won't ever hurt to try, because as pbobble said, we tend to be flattered rather than offended, even if we're not interested in the guy. So really, you have nothing to lose. Go for it!

  6. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

    A good way to work on your social skills and take your mind off how you'll be accepted is to find a person in need of help. Yes that's right, find someone who needs some kind of practical help. For example does a neighbor need a hand with repairing something. Do you know how to do it? Offer to help. It's a good way to take your mind off yourself and really help someone too. They will be so grateful and who knows it could be the beginning of a great friendship. If the person is a young lady, why that's even better. You just need to stop worrying about being accepted. The help you give will act as a center piece for conversation. By taking an interest in others you can slowly build your social skills. The bible encourages taking an interest in others. (Philippians 2:4) Remember Rome wasn't built in a day, so don't be to hard on yourself.
  7. Joshua2803

    Joshua2803 Well-Known Member

  8. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Don't think of them as potential girlfriends. It will make you awkward and nervous.
  9. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for the advice. I appreciate it.
  10. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    welcome to the club, i'm the same way.
  11. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    We're not an alien race :laugh:
    Use the situation to determine what to talk about.
    Don't come on like some randy bugger and you'll do fine :hug:
  12. SAVE_ME

    SAVE_ME Well-Known Member

    LOL :laugh: nah, I'm the alien, that's what I'm worried about. That y'all will drive me away with pitchforks and flaming torches.