How do you change a way of thinking?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ket93, Dec 28, 2008.

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  1. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I have been depressed for a long time now off and on... I have recently come to a point in my life where some things have happened and it has hurt me greatly to know that I am the way I am.
    I have lived through many years of hurt and depression and self doubt and very low self esteem. Now all of this is hurting everything in my life... I feel like in a way I have no life. I had a very good relationship with my BF, but we have just got to the point where all we were doing is fighting, and so we are taking a break. He says he still loves me but I have a hard time believing he or anyone could love me. There is so much more to tell, but the bottom line of it all is how do I change the way I think after all these years of feeling this way about myself? That I have never been and never will be good enough...?
    I have tried counseling for a short time, although that did not help. I have been on many types of anti-depressants and now on lexapro and it seems to be no use anymore. I am running out of answers... Can someone please help?
  2. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    have you ever given any time to yourself. i mean being in a relationship isnt the be all and end all although when the splits painful it feels that way. maybe you should try thinking about trying to work on yourself and finding out who you really are as a way of changing how you think. counselling helps i know but its treading over old ground and if your not strong enough to go there then it can make you worse.

    pm me if you ever need to talk :hug:
  3. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    well... no I have never really given myself enough time to just be alone...
    I have went from relationship to relationship and only had short periods of time between them...
    You say the same thing I have heard before from people... that I should just be alone for while and be single... and that sounds fine in theory, at least for some. But not for me. I feel like there are people out there who are better off single and I feel like there are people who need to be in a relationship and crave that emotional support of being loved and being with someone. I feel like I am one of those people who wants a relationship and in some ways needs it. I feel like I finally found the one person for me. I really do believe this...
    But because of all my other problems it has put a great deal of strain on the relationship and may have caused some permanent damage. I dont know. He says he still loves me, but I guess only time will tell where it all ends...
    I want to be with him but I also want to work on my problems so it can be better between us and I can be happy with who I am deep down inside... Because I know if I do not have that it is no use in ever trying to have any kind of relationship...
  4. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I think in order to leave a place sometimes it helps to know how you got there. What you were like before your depression started, what caused it, how you changed and why are all important questions imo. Change, all kinds of change, is kind of like going somewhere. You don't always know where you're coming from, where you're going or how you're getting there but once you figure out one of those three I think the other two become possible. Once you start moving you can always look back and see where you used to be, if you know where you started you can always look ahead and see where you would like to be.

    I think moving is the most important, and the hardest, part. Things happen, you want to give up, stuff hurts, you give so much, try so hard and get nothing in return. But sometimes you just have to try anyway because that's the only way things will change. I think the best way to be happy with yourself deep down is to reach a point when you can make someone else happy just by being yourself. If you can get to that point with your boyfriend, where your happiness makes him happy and his you I think it would be easier to love yourself because the way you make your boyfriend says that you are in fact a wonderful person.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Can you remember what it was like to be happy? What that felt like? You can get back there again. Take the time to do things for yourself that make you feel good. Maybe read a book you always wanted to read. Light some candles and take a nice warm bath. Eat your favorite food. Go for a walk in your favorite place. Do something that is just for you. Set aside this time maybe once a week. More often if you have the time. Learn to love yourself for who you are. When you get to that place, other things will follow. :hug:
  6. SpencerA

    SpencerA Well-Known Member

    have you ever considered cognitive behavioural therapy? it helped me a lot.
  7. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I think the best way to be happy with yourself deep down is to reach a point when you can make someone else happy just by being yourself.

    I think this is the key Reki.... I believe this 110%... now if I can just make it happen...
  8. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I have never tried or thought about cognitive behavioural therapy. I am not really even sure what it is... I have considered calling a counselor this week, someone who I was referred to by a friend... although I am not real sure how much this will help my situation.....
  9. ket93

    ket93 Well-Known Member

    I feel worse now after I talked to him... I guess after being apart I just want him to feel a little hurt by all this too... but he doesnt act like he is, and he says it is because of me... he says that I have made him this way because of things that have happened between us... I have broke it off, very briefly, with him a few times, so I guess now he has not heart? WTF??
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