How do you connect with people?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by 12years, Sep 14, 2009.

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  1. 12years

    12years Well-Known Member

    Part of my problem seems to be that I'm emotionally reserved. I'm just not an excitable person, and as a result I come across as someone who doesn't care enough. When someone tells me a story and expects me to laugh, for example, I just smile--sometimes politely. Guess that doesn't make them want to come to me the next time they have a funny story, among other things. :huh:
  2. elleanne

    elleanne Well-Known Member

    I`m the same. I think I come across as a really cold person. I do care (a lot). I push my feelings aside, but when they come, they come with a vengeance. This happens when I`m alone. I don`t do crying, and even when I was`nt so depressed, I don`t smile which is mainly due to self consciousness about bad teeth. I`ve seen a counsellor for quite a long time now at a rape crisis centre, and she`s never seen me cry. Once, in a crisis situation, I cried on the phone to her. I got so embarassed by that. I think it`s partly down to being very `in control`, and an inherant feeling that I don`t matter.
  3. voices_inmy_head

    voices_inmy_head Well-Known Member

    I don't tend to laugh out loud at somethings, so I pretend... Hopefully you will find some people who understand in life.

    Or even saying thats really funny could help. People want to think your interested, so even to fake it a bit, maybe it will come naturally one day.
  4. ProjectRainbow

    ProjectRainbow Banned Member

    Pretend to laugh.

    It's important you laugh as it reassure's them they are worth something.

    You dont need to go into hysterics, just laugh.
  5. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Hi 12years,

    Dunno. How DO you connect with people? I've spent most of my life trying to learn how to do that, and end up feeling that everyone else who seems able to do it, just do it without even knowing they're doing it. Wish they'd tell me the secret.

    Having said that, the only way you can find that out is if someone tells you - so I'm going to say what I would want from people to feel connected.

    Hummm. You know I thought I was going to write a big long list and in reality there's just one single simple little thing - if someone is genuinely interested in me, that makes me feel connected.

    That's rather surprised me, I think I'll go away now and think some more about it.

  6. 12years

    12years Well-Known Member

    That's a good point. I never thought of it that way. :eek:hmy:

    I'll have to mull over this some more and get back to you people later.
  7. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    Hope you are finding the answers you need 12years.
    For myself, it is strange. I have the craziest relationships with people for little to no reason. There is one guy who I only talk to when we are in class, and even outside of class, no recognition. I don't mind. Then there are a few people who i talk to them about pretty much 2 things, games, homework, and nothing else.

    You find the craziest connections in the craziest of places. I'm not sure if this is helping, but connection is a pretty open word.

    In the context you are speaking of though...I can agree that I play the nice polite guest with people I don't know. I guess its just part of how we just go through society, makin everything look nice. The only people I've really connected with have seen my darker in that respect, you gotta give it to get it.
  8. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    i think i am somewhat the same. huh.
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