How do you cope when you lose your therapist?

Discussion in 'Therapy and Medication' started by Madam Mim, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I know a lot of you have had to leave therapy for various reasons, and am wondering how you cope? I've lost my counsellor, and getting a new one isn't an option for me at the moment, and I'm not coping very well.

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Three years ago, after being treated by someone for 15 years, he stopped practicing after his wife died. I thought that was going to be the death of me, as was very rough, at first, but my friends both IRL and here truly carried me through...I think we learn to be our own therapists when we have the tools from having had a clinical relationship like that...also, I found a lovely woman online through a US referral source (Psychology Today)...maybe there are people who treated virtually that you can use if you run accross conflicts you would like someone's input to analyze
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your reply and for sharing your experience. Already my friends are trying their best to help, which I really appreciate, because it can't be easy for them. I saw my counsellor for just over two years, which hurts me enough, so I can't imagine how you felt after 15 years.

  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    It can be exceedingly difficult. I am sorry you are going through this.

    For some I believe sitting and thinking about what your counsellor's response would be to certain thoughts/questions you may have, or what suggestions they would have made, or what they would have said verbally & to imagine that voice - may help to provide some additional sense of calm when you are struggling.
  5. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you MoAnamCara, I will try that. He has such a calming voice, it may help to imagine it when I'm feeling panicked or particularly struggling.

  6. Mordeci

    Mordeci Banned Member

    I was in a similar postion as you, I have been to numerous therpist and lost touch with them for diffrent reasons but three stick out. When I was around 13 (cant remeber the date exactly) my first therpist died and I was very upset, the one who replaced him wasnt as good, so my parents got a opinion that they wanted to hear (a diffrent therpist who said I didn't need therpay ) and stopped for a few years. My best therpist was a nice women who one day told me she didnt do the kind of therpary I needed (I needed intense therpary at the time). She refered me to someone else but out of all of them I still miss her the most, we really connected. Ironicaly the therpist she refered me to was good in her own right, but after 8 months and just before I started school we had a dispute over my bill (I was told therpary was covered by insurance, she said my insurence only covered a small amount of therapy, 8 months into seeing her, she said I owed over $10,000) we never spoke again and I was more angry and lonely rather then missing her. After moving to a new state I started a new therpist I am seeing now, its early but we seem to have an understanding. Its really hard to cope with loosing a therpist, especially one you liked, best advice I can give is use what your therpist taught/told you, that will remind you of that calming voice, and no matter how good that therpist was for you, one day you might find one even better.
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    There's some excellent resources and material from the person who has helped me the most to make sense of things, can buy online :

    David is a pastoral therapist and also does telephone counselling. He's been counselling for decades now, and knows the human heart and the pitfalls so well, spends his life helping people mend

  8. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you both for your replies. It's been months now and I still miss him. The worst thing is that I know where his private clinic is (I saw him at my university), but I just can't afford to continue privately. He even offered me a reduced fee, but it would just cost too much. It's so sad that money is always such a factor when it comes to therapy.
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I agree Mim that it shouldn't be this way, in an ideal world. When one is in pain, there should be an PER (Psych Emergency Room) such as the ER (although we still have to pay for that, lol!) -

    The best thing about SF is that it is FREE - and people can come on here and learn that INSIGHT is really what they are asking for. Everything can be turned around with NEW insights - ones that we did not have before when we found ourselves in pits. And we can do that for each other, without it costing anything. sometimes suggested insights will not be relevant, and that's OK - we are free to say so.......
  10. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Thank you. Yes, I love that I can come here and get some perspective and insight into my problems. Because really that's all counselling does, is bounce my thoughts and feelings back from a different perspective.

    But really I think I just miss my therapist on a personal level. I miss him as a person. I'd say friend, but of course I'm fully aware we were never friends. I just miss seeing him.
  11. aussiegal

    aussiegal Well-Known Member

    I am worrying about this at the moment. My psychologist who I have been seeing for three years now is moving. I am not sure where to but i have a feeling it won't be close by. Not sure what I am going to do about it yet as it hasn't been confirmed, but i know it is going to be hard because she has saved my life so many times and also because she is the first person I have felt comfortable opening up to.
  12. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    After 5 years, the therapist I was seeing decided my case was too complex for her to handle. While I appreciate her honesty, it left me with nowhere to turn. There are no other mental health services within a 300 mike radius of where I live. She promised to stay in touch and at least check in occasionally. She has since retired and moved away. There was no contact after the day she told me she could not help me. That was three years ago. I do miss having someone to talk to in those critical moments. Someone that knew why things were as they are. I try to use the tools she gave me to help me survive but sometimes that simply isn't enough. I know it is difficult to start over, but if it is possible try to build a relationship with someone new. It is too hard to do alone.
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Gentlelady -That is very tough. And no mental health service within a 300 mile radius? Wow, Ireland is only 200 and something miles long. Did you start a relationship with someone new? :hug:
  14. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    Some good advice coming from people on here :) I like what Sadeyes said, that we learn to be our own therapist. I've always felt like that - I can sit down and think "why did I do that?" "why do I feel like this?" "what would make it better?" I just never have the means to make it better since better for me equals understanding friends.

    I recently stopped seeing my therapist. It was on the NHS so we only had a certain amount of time - I think we had 3 months.

    I didn't think I'd cope. There was so much I hadn't told him and I cried so much when I got home. But I'm learning to cope by not letting him down - he taught me how to organise my thoughts and see situations from the view point of others and I'm still using those methods. I don't want it to have been for nothing so everything I learnt I am using.
  15. I am still trying to cope with losing my therapist. She terminated me at 2011 and i still can't get over her. I am deeply and desperately in love with her. She is amazing, beautiful and just very perfect in my eyes. I still remember her smiling face, her beautiful eyes and her soft, gentle voice. I just sink into a very deep depression over this. I still remember the day of the termination -April,14,2011, i cried hysterically and was begging her to take me back. But she refused and just told me to go away. :( Afterward, my life hit rock bottom. I sink even deeper into my depression. I got even more angry, bitter and cold. My heart was broken and felt rejected and abandoned.
    To this day, i still think about her everyday and still trying to heal my broken heart.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2013