Sorry in advance for the length but I've been wanting to get this off my chest for a while. So, I've been suffering from depression for probably about a year now and the last academic school year (up until May 2014) for me was really stressful. I got to lows that I never even thought were possible. I couldn't sleep and I lost all pleasure in my recreational activities. Daily life was an unbearable slog; I felt beneath everyone's notice and a useless burden on society which caused me to drift away from my friends and I couldn't focus on any of my work. All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep all day for weeks and even months at a time. About 5 months ago or so, I walked home and spontaneously decided to just end everything while my roommates were out for the afternoon. I double locked the door and made the attempt. Obviously, I won't divulge any details but the attempt clearly failed. However it caused no damage of any sort to me or my environment so, in a panic, I managed to cover everything up just before they came in and locked myself in my room telling them I was going to sleep early for the night. Since then, I have made a major unrelated shift in my pharmaceutical habits that has put me back on the ADD medication that I used to take about 3 years ago. The boost in energy and mental focus has gradually helped me crawl out of the hole that I found myself in on my own. Being able to enjoy my hobbies and my work again has been nice but I still have down periods where I find myself self loathing and crying after my medication wears off for the day. I'm glad my attempt failed ultimately and that I lived to see more days but I've been becoming increasingly more preoccupied with being driven to do it in the first place. I'm glad that I'm alive right now but I can't stop thinking about how things were back then. Everyday was cold, hazey and joyless and I hated every single second of it. I just feel like the happiness is only temporary. I'm glad that I didn't die for now but I feel like if if I ever get anywhere near that low again, I won't hesitate to just finish the job and its starting to feel like it could happen one day. To anybody that has made an attempt on their life, how did it affect you afterward and how did you move past it? I don't like dwelling on it very much but it just keeps coming up in the back of my head and I'm sick of saving face in front of everybody I know when its always on my mind.