How do you cope with it?(My rant about my sexuality)*May trigger*

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Sneux, Nov 23, 2009.

  1. Sneux

    Sneux Member

    **Hope this is the right place for this I wasn't sure which forum to choose**

    I'm a teen so this means highschool and most of the things teens worry about PLUS the add ons such as the main reason im posting this, my sexuality, now add on to that living in a small town where everyone knows everyone and avoids those "different" than them. Most of the time I don't speak about it or anything. It started a few years ago in middle school when I "realized" I was attracted to more than just females, at the time I denied it but after a while it was more frequent.

    I finally gave in a realized I was bisexual, and I kept it to myself for the longest time, but it seemed to manifest itself in a lot of ways. From sexual attraction to personality. Soon I began to fit the "stereotypical Homosexual personality" and acting more androgynous and feminine than masculine. That's when I started Junior high and people started to notice and many many people had a dislike for how I acted and such.

    Then a rumor, however it was true. Most likely a guess but it was true, it started spreading around that i was to add on to the fact I had started to develop my own style but most people viewed it as "Emo" and that just added 2 fold to the hate. It started out as emotional and mental "bullying" and such like name calling and people avoiding me, but then it developed into a more physical thing as I edged closer to highschool until it got to where I had to fight back to avoid being harmed daily. I would cry but after a while of being punished for crying I started to lean more towards anger and violence...

    Now this is my question, how the hell do you deal with such a thing? How do you cope with your family and friends(if I had any) giving you those weird looks? When they dont treat you like a person but some mistake?(Now im not even "Out of the closet.")
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Please bare with me...I don't know much but here's the way the situation is being handled as it applies to a couple of family members.

    I am not gay, but my nephew, who is soon to be 18 basically "came out" to me about 2 years ago. I further learned that his parents are in denial and that they think it is just a "phase". He asked my advice.

    I told him not to flaunt anything but not to be afraid either. I don't want him to become a statistic. We live in Los Angeles, California, U.S., big city and easier to not be noticed. He has told his close friends and they are ok with it but it is a small private school. I think he lost one male friend. I have a feeling that if it were a large public school he would be having some problems with taunting and maybe more. Anyway he is nearly done and will be going off to college next year.

    As you are in a small town I know it must be so much more difficult. All I can say is that you should not be ashamed of anything, but do not go out of your way to flaunt it in any manner. From what I've read and heard, it is much harder to be gay or bi in a small town.

    You are going to have to use your best judgement. I think that you should come out to your parents and any close friends you think will be ok with it. You should be prepared to lose some because of it, but if they do not want to be friends with you then what kind of friends are they in the first place?

    However, this could leave you without any friends at all as the guys will probably think that being associated with you will make them look "gay" to the other people at the school. I don't know why this is, it just is...we live in a generally "homophobic" society. So please be careful!

    Eventually, you'll go off to college and hopefully it will be different. Eventually you will probably end up being assiciated with the gay community and some close friends. I have noticed that my nephews closest friends are women, some gay and some bi.

    I also have a first cousin who is gay and came out to her parents when she was about 20...her father did not take it well at first but is fine took several years. As she came out after high school she did not have to face the taunts that come with it. She is married not to her partner and they have a child via artificial insemination.

    Although I have no statistics to prove it I feel that in general it's a little easier to be gay if you are female though I am not sure about this. I hope I am not offending anyone by this and if I am please correct me here or by pm.

    Just to summarize, all of our family is now aware that these family members are gay and nobody has a problem with it. We are however, a very liberal-minded family.

    Please do not be afraid or question is physiological 99% of the time and no different than being left-handed, other than the way it is viewed by society.

    I hope I made some sense and can discuss more with you via pm if you want.

    Feel free to contact me any time. Take care and be safe....

  3. Sneux

    Sneux Member

    Yea I still haven't come out, haven' really planned too(my family is somewhat well more than somewhat but I don't want to sound offensive to anyone "extreme redneck") and they kinda "guess" im not straight but they don't want to accept I might not be, I can just tell this from looking and watching their eyes and facial expressions, a few of my "friends"(I put that in quotations because I have little to no TRUE friends) have accepted it and some of em support me in it, but it just gets to much sometimes. Thanks for the post.
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    My thought: lie until you're done school, then move away and embrace it. Not the healthiest ever, but it could save you a lot of grief. At college you can be as flamboyant as you like and no one will judge you for it.
  5. seamless

    seamless Well-Known Member

    It'll hurt. I was there. People hurt, people's ignorance and self-righteous hatred are silly though, so all you can do is bear with it. Believe me, after high school, get yourself out of that town, or just away from the ignorance if it hurts you.

    It's way better after high school, when you realize it's not what others think about your sexuality. You'll be able to embrace at least that part of yourself, because it's a part of you and it will make you happy. That small group that judges you is just that, a small group. The world is bigger than that and not everyone's so judgmental.
  6. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Like some other posters said, it might be better to keep it undercover until you've moved on to college where the people are more diverse. Small communities can be notorious for harboring, even encouraging, ignorance. If the majority is going to mistreat you for your sexuality it'd be better to just keep it to yourself until you're around people that are more accepting.
  7. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'd say it'd be best to come out when you're more self independant. Some kids at my my school(well my couple of friends) are like "You must be gay!" and all this crap, and I just laugh at it. One of the obvious reasons is that I've never had a girl friend :laugh:. Then again, I don't think I'm at the right place mentally to have a relationship. I just don't really care about much unfortunately.