How do you cope with the loneliness?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by tykata, Feb 24, 2012.

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  1. tykata

    tykata Member

    Hi, i've not posted in awhile and I feel kind of bad about that.

    The last time I posted I think was when I was upgraded (or downgraded) from having Severe Unipolar Depression to Type II Bipolar Disorder. This January was my 3 year anniversary since I was officially diagnosed with a mental illness and im sure ive gone through the stages that many of you out there have. The despair, the desperation, solitude, self-harm, drug and alcohol abuse as well as suicide attempts. Therapy and Medication havnt proved particularly succesfull, though as someone well versed in psychology I knew that therapy would not work for me. For the last year and a half, in a way my depressive episodes have subsided. Whats replaced them is this grey hue, I dont feel anything anymore, I cant seem to physically cry anymore, feel grief or remorse. I'm surviving, treading water, and I just want it all to end. My GP says that theirs no medications left to try and brushes off my suicide ideation, though I have not confided in her about my overdoses. The problem is I cant see a future with me in it, I cant see futher than the next year. I cant see myself growing up and living life, even though ive been offered a place at 3 of the top uni's for Biochemistry in the country (UK) to do my degree next year, I cant see myself going to university. It seems that not only do I not want to live, but I can't live. I just need to share my feelings, in a hope that I could survive long enough to pick myself up again as I seem to have done time after time. This time it feels different though, like every time I think i've hit rock bottom theres another layer of hell just below and it gets harder to get back up. I know people that I suppose I would class almost as friends, although I do not socialise their are some fellow students and also fellow work employees who would support me. The problem is I cant seem to bring it up or ask for help, I dont want to be a burden. Maybe for someone who avidly supports Time to Change - The UK campaign that works on society talking about mental health, I dont practice what I claim to preach.

    Sorry for the wall of text and thanks for creating a safe place to write down something that's constantly buzzing around in my head
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    thread in my sig might help. I hope that things can get better
  3. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I believe time, living with a caring person, financial stability, good health, and exercise would help the most. If you have too much responsibility such as studying, that would hinder you from recovery. Try to live for fun. Do things you genuinely want to do whether they are moral or immoral (as long as you don't harm others, mill's harm principle). Life is short and we don't know if there is afterlife or not. Maybe there is another life waiting for us after this. So it's like forever living. Try to have fun. For me, recently I walk around downtown with my iphone listening to an audiobook and looking at other people. I'm a student too so instead of solitarily reading a textbook at a desk all by myself, I read the textbook, record it and put it on iphone and try to commit to memory while I am walking outside. This is fun for me. I joined in meetup groups too like philosophy and depression support. Try to join many groups that can actually help you and fun at the same time. Yea good grades, good career, are all important but if they are boring, it's not worth it because life is short. Hope this helps.
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