Re: How do you deal with the fact that your girlfriend slept with other guys before y
In my opinon...
We're just animals. Sex is a natural thing for us. This attatchment we place on the general act is... limiting. It's tough to break it up so you can see sex versus love, but there is a difference. Some of us embrace or try to embrace what we are, an animal, and we have desires that dont have emotional attachment. Just because someone has had sex doesn't mean their souls become linked.(too put it as dramatically as i can, but take that sentence and dilute it or saturate it to the level that starts to make you feel off)
First times are... yeah. they mean alot. but you wanna know what, that doesnt mean they mean as much as the moments now and to come. You need to get over the first time things inthe past, and the present, and the future. if you have a problem with her having a life and having sex for the first time or any other time you're being selfish and possesive in my opinon. shes her own person, why cant she have some fun in her life? Whos the one really placeing the big issue on this, her or you? (dont take this harshly, just being straight up with you). Trust me, you can drive yourself mad if you keep digging into it, going from the first thought, then going, "this means this," "this means that" "what about that?" "what if this happened... " all the string posibilities that keep coming as you feel without thinking. Use your feelings, but your logic too.
It sounds like its messing you up inside, which is better then you turning inward and somehow turning off to her in ways. She's got a life, had one before you, before her first sexual partner. Conceptually, id be careful. what if a fella makes her feel really good by doing something with her for the first time? what if he was there for all the first steps in a growing/learning/fun experience/process and you werent involved? its probably gonna happen. We dont really live in a box(house) and hide away with our partners and never share aspects of life with others. well, some dont. we're social creatures. theres going to be loads of times you arent going to be the first. embrace the fact that you can share Time and Experiences with this person, not fighting for first times and breaking yourself down when you know this certain event you can never have a first with her.
shes had sex with someone else. maybe look at what sex is, for you, .what it means ect. cause its just sex..
you have to be stronger than your self destructive thinking. cause this will drive you into the floor if you dont deal with it, and harm your relationship. maybe stop compareing yourself to something that really, you cant do anything about. live for the now and the time you are shareing with her.
I'll always be the third. Never the first.
Yeah, you're dwelling over something you can't ever alter, . youre also placeing way to much on it, .... you're making it about you. Don't blur the lines. She had her first. she had her second. now she has you. Shes now your first. You have her. dont look back and try to bring aspects and feelings from the present and place them in the past. you've got the now, dont waste the now dwelling on a past that never was yours to begin with.
There are some honors I'll never have with my girlfriend.
She's already experienced many different things and experimented with many different things, whereas I'll be the noobish virgin, all excited the first time whereas it's old news for her.
Yeah, get over it. Honestly. You NEED to get over that there are somethings youll never be able to do with your girlfriend for the first time. But in my opinon, thats not the do all crap. trust me, just because you dont share something for the first time with her doesnt mean its the end of chapter, that the person who shared those first moments has some hidden or sealed box of feeling between them you and her can never touch. Fuck, if shes your partner, id hope shed want to share those moments with you and talk to you about em and you'd be thrilled that shes shareing them with you, and not turning it into something about you. I mean, if she wants to talk to you about her sexual time with her first, look at it like, .. shes talking to you about an experince of
hers and she wants to share it with you. Maybe she doesnt, i donno, just trying to help you see and seperate events that are yours and ones that are hers.
This part sounds like assumption.
whereas I'll be the noobish virgin, all excited the first time whereas it's old news for her
old news? get over that. if you conceptually hold true to that line of thinking you are going to limit the fuck out of yourself in your life in alot of ways and your not going to even know it.
be confident on who you are. you're compareing yourself alot to others and their experiences. dont try and top them, just make your experiences with her. dont taint them with other people. enjoy the time you guys have together. really, all your worries are just crap, as are most worries in the end. the road through them is important, to see them, to understand them, to see that certain things make you feel a certain way. but if you let those feelings dominate you, pulling you one way but your heading the other way, you're gonna get torn apart but kept in a box in a dead zone. until you realize that though, they are going to be the most important issues in your life and keep you away for hours on end. but they are crap. but important.. but crap. I dont know if you get what i mean. i hope you can see that im not calling your feelings crap, im calling what you are letting them do to you crap.
You need to sit down and think about somethings and make choices on how you are going to percieve and move forward on things. cause it sounds like your in a haze surrounded by a problem of perception and youre refusing to move forward on an aspect thats foriegn to you, or that was, but its in your face now.
Simply put. In my opinon.
You need to realize she has her own life. You need to make some choices on these grounds without generalising the problem and inflating it with feelings, but not turning yourself off to feelings. Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't compare. Shes with you now. no one else. youre dwelling
and really you care about her, and she cares about you i am assuming. do it without worry or comparison. do it with her and have some fun. fuck the past. you might just spiral