I'm new to this forum and I hope I don't violate any rules, I just don't know what to do, how to interact with the people surrounding me any more. Lately I've been thinking much about my life, how far I've come and I just realized that I screwed up everything and I am so stuck that there is no way out except to end it once and for all. There is just too much pain and suffering and I can't stop it, it is too late. The only problem is that I first have to take care of some loose ends, some of them, like my debts, are relatively easy to deal with but I do not know how to deal with my friends and colleagues. They have the image of me that I am a strong person that made it through a lot and that I find solutions to impossible problems. They even lean and depend on me a great deal, but it is too much. They do not know what I am thinking. When they are talking about the future, I know that I won't be there, that they have to count me out, but I can't tell them that because I don't want to burden them. I just don't know how to cushion the blow. They have an image of me that does not exist and I can't take this life anymore. I've really tried. There are moments when I think that their plans sound great and that I can work through everything once again, that everything is worth figthting for, but those are just brief moments and I know that they are a lie.