How do some of you guys stay so positive?! I've been dealing with the depression for 12 years now and the pain just gets worse. My partner of ten years left me 2 weeks ago for someone else with no explanation, just said that we dont want the same thing! Wtf does that even mean?! It took awhile to sink in that I'm alone now and when it did it almost crushed me. I could cope because I had someone to love who loved me back or so I thought now I'm lost and alone and all I feel is endless pain. I cant even cry anymore. I just feel this need to end it all kill myself, what am I existing for? So I tried to kill myself last night. I stopped just in time when a random thought popped into my head, what will this do to my family? I saw in my head what I'd look like after I did it and I dont want to do that to my family. I dont want them to feel the pain I do. So ive decided not to kill myself but the urge is still there, the pain is still there and I'm scared because I'm at my lowest ive ever been right now and last night was my second attemp, the first a few years back I went through with but I did'nt die. I just keep wishing I had died back then. Ive now locked my gun in my safe to reduce temptation and I'm just going from moment to moment trying to distract myself, trying to survive no matter how much hurts for my family sake because if I hurt them even by attempting again or them finding out how i feel I would die inside completely. At least the pain lets me know I'm still alive. I just dont know what to anymore, I'm at the end of my rope and dont know where to turn how to cope. I'm 26 and I feel like an old man already. I cant get medical help cause if my family found out that I'm still messed upafter 12 years it would hurt them and I have nobody to talk to I juwant to know how you guys cope, thisforum only a few hours ago is my lasr hope. Sorry to put this on you guys but I dont kw what else to do.