How do you do it?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SuicideSam, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    How do some of you guys stay so positive?! I've been dealing with the depression for 12 years now and the pain just gets worse. My partner of ten years left me 2 weeks ago for someone else with no explanation, just said that we dont want the same thing! Wtf does that even mean?!

    It took awhile to sink in that I'm alone now and when it did it almost crushed me. I could cope because I had someone to love who loved me back or so I thought now I'm lost and alone and all I feel is endless pain. I cant even cry anymore.

    I just feel this need to end it all kill myself, what am I existing for? So I tried to kill myself last night. I stopped just in time when a random thought popped into my head, what will this do to my family? I saw in my head what I'd look like after I did it and I dont want to do that to my family. I dont want them to feel the pain I do.

    So ive decided not to kill myself but the urge is still there, the pain is still there and I'm scared because I'm at my lowest ive ever been right now and last night was my second attemp, the first a few years back I went through with but I did'nt die. I just keep wishing I had died back then.

    Ive now locked my gun in my safe to reduce temptation and I'm just going from moment to moment trying to distract myself, trying to survive no matter how much hurts for my family sake because if I hurt them even by attempting again or them finding out how i feel I would die inside completely. At least the pain lets me know I'm still alive.

    I just dont know what to anymore, I'm at the end of my rope and dont know where to turn how to cope. I'm 26 and I feel like an old man already.

    I cant get medical help cause if my family found out that I'm still messed upafter 12 years it would hurt them and I have nobody to talk to

    I juwant to know how you guys cope, thisforum only a few hours ago is my lasr hope. Sorry to put this on you guys but I dont kw what else to do.
  2. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    Sorry about the errors, I got a little emotional about finaly being able to share my feelings
  3. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    Sam, the last time I tried to kill myself, I realized how much it affected my family, friends and everyone who knew what happened to me. For me to do that again to them is too frightening to imagine. I really almost died that time and hurt too many people. I carry this guilt that I really am sorry that I did that to myself and my life has changed trying to get myself better so others will also see that I'm ok now. I hope you don't do anything that you will regret.
  4. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    Hi Sam,

    I've been dealing with my depression since i was 12... and i'm now 39. I can tell you, one of the first things I did that has helped me the most... is to stop allowing my family's feelings about depression and etc to bother me. Once I stopped allowing that to be the case, I was no longer restrained in the types of help I would allow myself, or the amount of noise I was "allowed" to make trying to get that help. I think thats what you need to consider... in order for me to come to this decision... these are things I asked myself:

    - What purpose does it serve to deny myself the help I need?
    - Does denying myself help actually help them to think better of me, does it help me to think better of myself?
    - What harm would it truly serve if I got help anyway?
    - Would their life suddenly somehow be worsened b/c I, for example, went into the psych hospital or went to a psychiatrist? Would my life get even more worse than it already is?
    - If I did ignore their feelings.... could I possibly find a way to be happier?

    When you ask these things.. you have to be dead honest and don't put any judgments on your answers... just understand it is truth.... no right or wrong on any of it, and accept it as the truth for now. Write down your answers. After you have answered these questions, review your answers.... and use the balance of the answers as the answer as to whether or not you should decide to put yourself above their opinion on you getting help. One other thing to ask yourself, if it was them needing help, would you deny them the opportunity, or encourage and even help them to get the help they need?

    **Also, please keep in mind, there is NOTHING wrong in putting yourself first sometimes. Think of it this way.... if you aren't around, you can help with nothing, and you cannot even just be a visual presence for anybody.... therefore, you have to take care of yourself even to satisfy the selfish reasons people may have for wanting you around but also for the unselfish reasons and even for the reasons that you may think not getting help serves...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2014
  5. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    I set a few positive daily habits for myself that I do no matter how bad or scared I feel. I try to take a walk, meditate, write in my journal, read something positive and do a small thing for someone. That's really the best I can do. I do most of these things each day and it helps. I tried to kill myself when I was 17. I am 44 now, it took me a long time to learn that feeling better is built one day at a time on top of small actions.

    Don't do it Sam. Make a decision to live my friend. Seek answers that work for you. You can do it. Don't ever give up. Your life is precious, there is a reason you are here, I promise. That is for real. You can start a new story for yourself right now.
  6. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. I need to take some time to truly think about what you guys have said, I'm not in a good state right now I just need to stabilise. Your help and support means alot to me , thank you
  7. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    I feel abit better now thanks guys. I've taken my gun out the safe again and strapped it on (this is a good thing) I am a sport shooter and I'm good at it so it brings me a small measure of comfort.

    I have now decided I need to get some help. I dont know where to start? Telling my family won't help help, they are very narrow minded. Whenever there is something about suicide on tv my mother spouts "suicide is the cowards way out!" and anytime I have shown any weekness or instability they take it as a failure on their part and be angry with me. I think this situation would be disastrous and push me over the edge.

    I need to get help but where do I start?
  8. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    best place is to look in the phone book directory or online in your area for a psychologist, social worker, or therapist ... and maybe a psychiatrist if you think you should look into the option of medication. you can also try researching the areas of aromatherapy, foods that you can eat and others to avoid to help you cope with your depression, exercises you can do to help you, music relaxation... but if you feel you need someone you can trust to talk to, you need to look for a psychotherapist, counselor, or social worker... or if you really feel bad... u can try checking yourself voluntarily into a psych hospital and they will give you an evaluation to see if you need admission. if you do get admitted, they will help locate a therapist and psychiatrist for you to go to upon your release and get you started on medication therapy.
  9. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    This requires some research, I think I'll try alternative methods first. Medical is a last resort, I can't get time off work to be admitted. I would lose my job if I missed work for any reason other than debilitating injury and I can't afford to lose my job as I am the bread winner for my family.

    I exercise daily, eat healthy and have hobbies and interests to keep me busy but its starting to not be enough, I really struggle to keep motivated and interested.

    I'm also a very private person and very apprehensive talking about my problems to a shrink. It took me 3 hours to pluck up the courage to make this thread! Any advise on how to open up and talk to a shrink? Or even a helpline operator?
  10. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    good luck, sam.

    in my case, i also don't have my family's support (i mean they are like, yeah, feel what ever. we're not bothered) and they truly believe they are perfict

    so what i had to do was search fdor help and stuff in secret so that no one knew. had my door locked- and i had my room in total darkness while i was looking

    and it sort of went from their, really. someone who i knew at the time (someone supportive) picked up on what i was doing, and agreed to help support me- much to my family's absolute disgust

    but i have to say, 13 years down the line, many many meds tried, loads of diffrent therapists, it's just messed me up even more than it did before
  11. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i'll add that now no one will help me

    i'm 1 of those people who have fallen through the system, and in sted of helping me anymore, people are just okay to just let me get on with it... makes me sick. here i am in my darkest days ever, and i'm being told.. oh well, you're not important.

  12. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    its not about "healthy eating" or "unhealthy eating" ... there are even healthy foods that should be avoided for the person that is susceptible to depression and there are foods that can help, as well as diff vitamins and minerals and supplements and juices.... and aromas from essential oils... i can give you a bit of info to start with if you like... this is all just for depression related stuff:

    General ideas to help cope:




    if you decide to try aromatherapy... here are a few links to get you started on the basics of it:

    i do aromatherapy for myself, this is the site i buy my oils from:

    this site has info on the oils that have the most benefits and are thus used most often:

    this site explains a bit of the basics on how to use them:

    just because you look for a psychiatrist or therapist does not mean that you will end up with a hospital stay... but if you decide to try one of the alternative methods and still want to talk to a psychiatrist or therapist, be sure they know what other methods you are trying as some things can cause the medication to be less or more effective than normal.

    as far as exercises, its all dependent on if they are exercises which cause your brain to produce the chemical you are deficient in ... dopamine or seratonin, usually... sometimes your depression can be caused by iron deficiency or by a Vitamin B Complex deficiency, so you can always try going to a nutritionist or a doctor and asking to have blood panels run to see if you are deficient in any vitamin or mineral...

    it really does require a bit of research, but in the end... you're worth it, right?

    hope it helps!
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2014
  13. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member


    i think what happens is people get frustrated, and thus need someone to blame ... and they choose to blame the person suffering -- since it is that person that is not getting better no matter how much help they try to give, therefore that person must not be trying hard enough, it cannot be that ALL the help they have tried to give just is not working.... has to be the person. (thats how it commonly is thought of by a person that has never been affected by mental health problems) i think most all of us that have had any mental illness for any length of time go through this... this is why its largely important that you remain your own best advocate. when you are a child or teen, IF you have good parents you can rely on them to be your best advocate, but once you get out on your own or turn adult age, you HAVE TO be your own best advocate and keep actively looking for things that may work.... even if it is not conventional methods. if all the conventional methods have failed you... does that mean you have to give up? says who?? where is it written that "if the government in all its wealth and knowledge cannot help me, i must give up on myself" ? keep looking... try some of those things that i suggested to Sam.... get a DBT workbook, or some other form of therapy based workbook... find a counselor that uses a diff kind of therapy to treat people, could just be that whatever method of treatment your counselors have been using just simply is not what you need.... don't stop looking... research the web for more things. some people prefer martial arts, or yoga, or accupuncture or accupressure or chiropractic care and other things... .theres a lot out there, the thing is to find the one thing or combination of things that helps you. you are a unique individual with unique problems.... therefore, your solution will likely be unique too... good luck, remember, don't give up!
  14. SuicideSam

    SuicideSam Banned Member

    I hope you find a way to get better Emily, try not to give up even though everyone else has, you are stronger than them!

    demuredawn you are amazing! You go to such lengths to help me even though you have problems of your own. Your help means allot to me and I really appreciate it:)
  15. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    ty, helping others is one thing that i have found that helps me ... so glad i could help :)
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