The primary fuel for my suicidal tendencies is I just don't see the point in doing anything. Why, exactly, am I here? So I can work for 50 years, day in and day out, in a job I hate, to get money to pay the bills so I can continue to enjoy the privilege of working at a job I hate, to make more money, to....? To what end? So I can then retire and wait to die? What is the point? I look around me every day and see people perfectly content in their jobs and their lives, even when they're alone. I know some of them are just putting on a ruse, but not all of them. I don't understand how they can do it without looking in the mirror every day and asking themselves what it's all about, and having the realization of nothingness cripple them, as it has me. The only satisfaction I've ever gotten out of life is having somebody to share it with, and I haven't had that in a long time. All I've had is myself, my books, and my music, and it's just not enough to justify my continual existence. I feel like I'm just wasting time, waiting to die. I'd welcome death as an end to this eternal existential nightmare. So, does anybody have a new perspective? What gives you fulfillment? We're all here still. The only reason I still am is out of cowardice and habit. What keeps you here? What gives you purpose?