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How do you do it?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by itmahanh, Aug 17, 2010.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Just wondering of the members here that suffer from their own demons and or mental health issues, but are able to hold down a job or a career, how do you do it? How or what gets you out of your bed each and every day to head off to work? Maybe what you are able to accomplish each day might be of help to other members? Maybe something they havent tried or been suggested yet. Care to share what gets you up and out each day?
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I am a full-time undergraduate student at university and have two part-time jobs (I had three, but got made redundant). The only time I bother to get out of bed is when I need to work or go to uni; it's the days I don't have anything to do that are the worst for me (like today). If I have work, or uni, I'm able to focus solely on that, I just get up and get on with it. If I stop to think, everything goes wrong. To be honest, I am often late for both work and uni due to panic attacks on my way there, but once there I don't have time to think about anything else.

    I would be more than happy to give up both work and uni and spend all my time festering away and planning to die (which is pretty much what I spend any spare time doing), but most of my day-to-day life is spent hiding my mental state from my family so this is not an option, but I don't mind as work particularly provides me with a form of escape from my life.

    It doesn't always work though. I am always paranoid that people don't like me and think I'm bad at my job, and due to my reduced mental functioning, things go wrong and I forget things and make mistakes, which leads to emotional breakdowns. I hide this as well as I can, as my employers and colleagues have no idea what's going on. Luckily this is not as much of an issue at uni, where they know more about my problems.

    Generally though, having something to do and focus on actually helps me a lot. I have no motivation and would of course much rather stay in bed all day, but I hate to let people down so never call in sick or anything. And it helps that I'm obsessed with money, which is pretty much my only motivation I suppose.

    Hope this helps, although reading it back I can't imagine how it would!

  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I dont know about anyone else, but it gave me an insight that I didnt have before. Now looking back, I guess that is exactly what I did when I was employed. I focused on the job, the duties I had, the responsibilities that my position held. Nothing else. Unless of course I was home with a day off.

    I cant seem to shut my mind off these days. Everything whirling around like a tornado in my head. But I use that similar to how I used work when I had it. It shuts out the suicide thoughts as long as it can. Thanks for sharing.
  4. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    I'm 25. At 15, I was diagnosed as anorexic. At 17, I was diagnosed as BPII. Though I have never been formally diagnosed with an anxiety issue, I am wound through the roof.

    For a long time, the promise of tomorrow was teh thing that was keeping me going. If I did well in school and just got out of my crap town, then things would be better. If I got started in a good career, things would be good. This got me through high school, college, grad school. The anxiety, the highs and lows, everything was there..but it was okay. I had something tangible to work for.

    I hit a wall, and I hit it hard with my last breakup. I had put my dreams in this relationship, and it was supposed to be The Next Step. It was the next goal in my grand scheme, and failing at that goal hurt more than the actual breakup. The one with marriage, kids, a white picket fence, etc. I felt like there was nothing left to work towards. I'm still not sure that anything I'm working towards is worth it, but the alternatives are to off myself, or go back to slowly killing myself through wall-staring.

    A lot of mornings, I don't want to get out of bed. I'm not functional every day at work. It helped that until this week I had a student worker directly under me. Paranoia helps when you're afraid your suborniate is going to tattle on you. Also helps that she was crazy too, and we became friends.

    Some days I get out of bed just because that after this long I am outright BORED. Yes, I said it. Being depressed is getting BORING. Problem is, I don't have the energy to do much else, but I try.
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I don't.
    Not on days when I feel that I can't focus-- or I can't find any sort of inspiration to work; I just wont.
    There's no point in performing- or putting your emotions on screen or on a canvas if you can't feel anything. I refuse to half ass my work.
    As an artist, it's difficult to continue on with life and work whenever you get stuck in any type of rut.

    Not everyone is lucky enough to just *not work* when they don't feel like it.
    You can't force creativity though.
  6. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    With a little help from my friends.

    Elizabeth chews me out when I don't do what I ought to.
  7. twistedwhispers

    twistedwhispers Member & Antiquities Friend

    The only way I am able to do it is through my anti-depressants.

    I am on Prozac & Wellbutrin. Also, Ativan for anxiety.

    They let me exist...........

    I have not lived in a long time........

    If I were not on them, I guarantee I would be 6 feet under.
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    while at my last job I had a total breakdown and couldn't work for a few days...one of my co-workers told the boss about the breakdown and he sacked me....which is illegal...
    So with chronic depression and an auto-immune disease I am now on disability...
    there is no way I could hold down a job with my health the way it is
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    when i go to work i become someone important i am a somebody there
    the hard part for me is actually getting there i am so emotional all the way there until i hit the floor then i know i am someone
    stupid uh there are days i know i have to stay home because i would be no good at work no help to anyone those days i stay home in bed.
    my work has been faultering some as i become more ill i just am losing the passion for it now.
  10. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Allow me a minute to go off topic in a sense here. But it came up in a post and it's triggered something that has really bothered me for years.

    I hate the people out there that think I dont work simply because I dont want to. That I'm using my illnesses as an excuse to slack off. When that is the furthest thing from the truth. I have a pdoc that for years now keeps saying maybe in another year I'll be able to even start thinking about looking at a few hours a week and be able to cope with that. I spend days and nights wishing I could work. Wishing I could support my children with a better life and be a better parent.

    Those people just dont have a clue. I hate hearing them complain about the 9-5 jobs they have and the endless hours they spend at work. I wish I were them!!! I used to work. I used to throw myself completely into my work. I used to run several retail stores. Now I cant even be in a retail store without having panic attacks and living through fears others will never understand. Now I cant make simple decisions when before I decided the fate of stores and employees. I'm not that person anymore. But God how I wish I could be.

    But I have to cut those same people a little slack. They dont understand because they dont want to. I mean really these are the same people that dont believe that depression and suicidal feelings can devastate a person and turn them into a mere shadow of themselves. And if they refuse to believe that then how can they believe that I'm not making this up, it's not just something in my head that I can turn off when it's suitable for others. And if they refuse to believe in my illness then they are really choosing not to believe in me either.

    So to those of you that are capable of going out and making a living in any way you can..... I truly am in awe of you. I crave the courage you have and the ways you cope with your inner and outer struggles each and every day!!!!!! No this isnt sarcasism. It's guenuine. Keep posting about how you cope. How you can get out there and be someone. It makes a difference to people like me. I hope that someday maybe with help from members like yourselves and others here, I can one day say.... I work for a living because I can!!!
  11. Blue_Sky

    Blue_Sky Well-Known Member

    When I had a job a couple years ago (the only job i've ever had) the only thing that got me out of bed was knowing that there was no one there to cover me if i called in sick and everyone would be angry with me if I did not show up. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone being angry and hating me so I always showed up and never asked for any sick days even though I was genuinely phsyically ill a couple times. It was difficult for me to be there and I was going to quit the second day, however, it was a job my mom had got me through knowing the superviser who used to work where she worked, so my parents would have been angry if I quit and the woman who hired me would have been fed up as well and I could'nt throw away this opportunity because no one else was willing to hire me the way that I am. It was a job that I could work by myself at times or only with 1 or 2 other people so it was managable for me not having to be around too many people, but that wasn't always the case. Some days were ok, some days were horrible, I hardly got any sleep during the week and would sleep 12-14 hours on my days off. I lasted about 5 months full time then quit, but was kept on as per diem and eventually rehired part time when they intruduced a part time postition. Going part time brought a lot of relief and I stayed a few more months. Of course money was a big motivator also.

    The thing that got me through school was knowing that the first 2 weeks were the hardest and if i could get through those 2 weeks the rest of the semester wouldn't be as bad. I really forced myself to go to class by sort of blanking out my mind by blocking out any thoughts. Last year thinking positively and blocking out thoughts got me through half the semester pretty well but eventually I started falling apart the last half of it and I did not attend 2 classes for a whole month, my body and mind seemed to give up on me and I became a wreck again, I only atteded the third class cause I could just sit there and not worry about anyone saying anything to me. By some luck missing a whole month of those 2 classes I was still able to finish them by mustering up the strength and doing the finals, though I barely passed one of them.

    I could only take online classes after that, but now i'm ready to go back and i've been worried I might end up quitting again, but I know that I can not go back to doing nothing, all summer I did not work or go to school since I quit the summer semester, I'm really done with that and right now I don't care how bad it gets. I, too, hate for people to think I'm slacking off since I don't take very much classes, if only they knew how much it takes me to even be there. One time a girl in class asked if I worked and I said no and she said "you're so lucky", I immediately thought, no you're lucky. Next year I will try going full time and keep myself very busy. I'm hoping that will help as I am slowing getting better by working on myself so it doesn't feel like i've been doing absolutely nothing because I have been improving myself.

    Edit: Another thing that helped me was I remember constantly reminding myself that after this is over I will never see these people again and they probably won't remember me either after it's over. That helped me get through worrying about how much embarrassment I caused myself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 19, 2010
  12. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Wow, you really have some inner strength. Hope you can keep it up and see yourself through next year and the next and the next and whatever road you take in the future. So glad to hear you have been working on "you" and seeing some results. Congratulations!!!
  13. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey carla, When I use to work I put everything into it so I didn't have time to think about my problems..When I was out of work I never went anywhere.. It cost me my relationship... I just felt numb all the time.. So I turned to drinking liqour instead of beer.. I couldn't function in the outside world..I eventually lost it and quit my job.. I ended up in the hospital..I was there for six weeks..Now adays I can't leave my room except to go to my appts..I have to really psych myself up to go to them..Everyone is pushing me to go back to work..They don't understand what happens to me on the inside..My doctor has me loaded up on xanax for the anxiety but the bad thing is I can't take it before I go anywhere because I am not suppose to drive while on it.. So I have to suffer through it,, I take the xanax as soon as I get home but by then I am so worked up thatIt takes two doses to calm me down..
  14. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I live my life to please Yahweh, and as I work towards doing so; he in return helps me through anything and everything that is thrown my way. Through his word he shares his wisdom with me, and enlightens me on everything. This is the only thing I have found to actually work. Blessings..
  15. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    I think anyone with depression or serious anxiety finds functioning, and the demands of modern society difficult. We all just cope as best we can. I find work quite easy for the most part, but motivating myself for uni is proving really difficult lately. I've done nothing in the last 6 weeks, virtually nothing at all.
  16. yous

    yous Well-Known Member

    I don't. I literally fall apart to pieces, call in sick, go home early, avoid talking much, makes excuses during work that I have a headache....whatever it is to avoid the real issues that bother me. Sometimes you just have to go cold turkey. Go to work come home, go to work come home, like a stupid robot.
  17. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Apart form my pets work is the only other reason i get out of bed in the morning. Iv been off work for 2 weeks and been practically stuck in my bedroom. It gives me a reason to leave the house. I do suffer with my concentration and memory lately but i dont think any one has noticed.
  18. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Carla. I will be teaching some science courses in the fall term and I'm a little nervous, because I haven't taught science courses for a long time. How do I find the energy to wake up early every morning, get myself to school and teach 3 classes every day? I do this because this is my career choice and I have to do the best job that I can.

    I sometimes find it overwhelming though, but I keep reminding myself that the weekend is almost here. That helps get me through the school day. It's really hard when I get bad kids in my classes, who do everything they can to make my days even harder. Trusting in God also helps. Hope this helps. :hug:
  19. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    if you have constant negative emotions, then you will not get better, and thats how I get through in life, just believing that if I keep up the depression, i'll never get things done
  20. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    Its the determination that keeps me going. Knowing that I have lost everything and I m all alone and always depressed, my parttime jobs and studies are the only things i have got left, i got to do this right. YOu know this helped me to be on of the most successful ones in fact, and now people want to get to know me better and seek help regarding studies at times. You could try the same with your career
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