how do you get over someone you thought was your soul mate =(

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Nyu, Jul 19, 2010.

  1. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    I just lost my best friend and fiance. We've been friends for the past three years, and dated this last year. He was the first and only guy I've ever really liked, and the only true friend I've ever had too, so it's been really hard this past week. We had all these plans of getting married next year and moving in soon since he's in the military and I can only see him on visits. I've treated him terribly this past month, I've been so stressed and he wasn't around as much as I would have liked. I've said some hurtful things to him, as did he. I thought we could just fix things, I mean everyone has hard times in relationships, it can't always be smooth. But the last time we got into a fight he hung up on me and I haven't heard from him since. It's been 9 days now, I've tried calling him, texting him, emails, but I guess he doesn't want anything to do with me. How can he just throw away our friendship and engagement over a fight? I don't understand. We broke up once before, but it was a lot easier then since we hadn't dated long so I wasn't so attached, and he ignored me completely as well. When he finally tried getting a hold of me he said that he was really depressed and was afraid I'd hurt him and didn't really talk to anyone during that time. Is that why he's doing this again? Or does he just want nothing to do with me? Will I ever hear from him again? I'm so confused =/
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I had to use a multi-prong approach, SF posting, crying, isolating and TIME. It is so hard I know
    I am around if you ever need to talk about it..i recommend therapy too
  3. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    I don't know if you'll ever hear from him again, but you are only hurting your chances by constantly trying to contact him. Back off, let him breathe. It seems impossible, I know, but you HAVE TO DO IT.

    Trust me, I lost the guy I thought was my soul mate (he's the reason I'm here). I did all of the things you did, and worse. I did it for OVER A YEAR. It's only now that he's in a new relationship and completely cut me off that I've gained back some of my senses.
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I've heard alot of advice; but most of it is the same, I guess...
    You have to keep on moving on. Keep working/going to school, make new friends... meet new people, socialize.
    I have not been strong enough to try any of it. I'm terrified of people.
    After 8 years with one guy who I was sure I'd marry and have babies with and stay with forever; I don't understand how I'm supposed to move forward even a little bit.

    You have to get out and do things right away. Don't get stuck in a rut- because it will only become more difficult for you to move on and heal.

    It's been a year for me and it's SO hard to try to understand that these things happen; and it's time to move on.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Your relationship might not be over. Maybe he just needs some time apart? I don't think it's over unless he calls and says it's over.
  6. mcviking

    mcviking Well-Known Member

    Hope for the best prepare for the worst. Don' go out looking for rebounds just yet, but you made it obvious that you want to talk to him, if he is not getting back to you after nin days then you guys are done. There is no reason to wait that long. Go out and do things with your friends, things that aren't around dating. Clear your head. Make sure you really liked this guy or you just like him because he was there. Focus on you for a bit. I know it sucks to hear that you guys are probably over but the sooner you figure that the better it will be for you. If he is willing to throw it all away over that then he isn't worth your time.
  7. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i wish i knew... for me it took a lot of tears, a lot of drink and drugs and a load of stupidity. eventually i realised that i didn't care about her anymore.