I've been a really bad person in the past, I've done some really terrible things that I'm not proud of and I've had people treat me in accordance to the way I acted (i.e. with very little respect). I had bad friends, I've been surrounded by people who just wanted to use me and only liked me because I was a 'party girl'. Let's just say I altogether am not happy with the person I used to be and dislike everything about her and because of this I've decided to start again. I want to forget everything about my past, all of the mistakes I've made, the stupid things I have said and done, the bad friends, the bad experiences, everything. I want to be a good person who works hard and treats people with respect and most importantly has respect and love for myself. But I'm finding it really difficult to move on from the past and I don't know why. Every time I close my eyes I get flashbacks from school - being treated like shit by the girls (and guys), flashbacks of ex boyfriends who treated me like crap, flashbacks of trying desperately to fit in, flashbacks of my promiscuity, flashbacks of my alcoholism and drug taking, flashbacks of binging on food, flashbacks of my attempt and my self harm, flashbacks from my parents treating me like shit, flashbacks from everything I have hated about my past and the things that made me hate myself. I don't know how to move on from all of this, I don't know how to forget it all. I know what I need to do to improve my future and I am doing it right now, and I can honestly say I'm proud of myself for that! But I cannot seem to forget and move on from the past and it is killing me. Every time I feel like I am making a step forwards towards this great new person I want to be the past flashes up in my head like a lightening bolt and makes me feel sick again.