How do you get over things from your past?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Sep 6, 2009.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I've been a really bad person in the past, I've done some really terrible things that I'm not proud of and I've had people treat me in accordance to the way I acted (i.e. with very little respect). I had bad friends, I've been surrounded by people who just wanted to use me and only liked me because I was a 'party girl'.
    Let's just say I altogether am not happy with the person I used to be and dislike everything about her and because of this I've decided to start again.

    I want to forget everything about my past, all of the mistakes I've made, the stupid things I have said and done, the bad friends, the bad experiences, everything.
    I want to be a good person who works hard and treats people with respect and most importantly has respect and love for myself.
    But I'm finding it really difficult to move on from the past and I don't know why.

    Every time I close my eyes I get flashbacks from school - being treated like shit by the girls (and guys), flashbacks of ex boyfriends who treated me like crap, flashbacks of trying desperately to fit in, flashbacks of my promiscuity, flashbacks of my alcoholism and drug taking, flashbacks of binging on food, flashbacks of my attempt and my self harm, flashbacks from my parents treating me like shit, flashbacks from everything I have hated about my past and the things that made me hate myself.

    I don't know how to move on from all of this, I don't know how to forget it all.

    I know what I need to do to improve my future and I am doing it right now, and I can honestly say I'm proud of myself for that! But I cannot seem to forget and move on from the past and it is killing me. Every time I feel like I am making a step forwards towards this great new person I want to be the past flashes up in my head like a lightening bolt and makes me feel sick again. :(
     
  2. daz69

    daz69 New Member

    Anyone who matters wouldn't judge you on your past, only on who you are now. All I can say is you should treat yourself in the same way. The fact that you feel like this shows you are a good person with a conscience.
     
  3. your post is beautiful Linds , i relate a lot to it . i am also trying to cut myself off from my past . as well as introspection , my hope is that outer change will help spur on the inner change that i need .. keep yourself occupied with change in the present - keep creating the new you ... make her Brilliant in every way . do what your heart says is right ..... your past will house itself a part of you , best you can do is turn it into a picture , you ll keep it as a small reminder of what you once were and how things can only get better . it sounds like you ve been through a lot as an individual .... it s a lot of weight but the important thing , that it s inside you , your body can convert it to better things .you know what they say , the deeper sorrow carves into the soul the more space there is for light .....
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Linds83 first of i would like to say good for you for all your hard work to get your self heading in a better direction. I would hope your therapist can help you with the flashbacks help you face them and decrease the times they happen. Meds can help as well take the edge off flashbacks. Idon't think we ever get over the things from the past we just learn how to deal with the emotions the pain better. We learn to move on and just learn from our mistakes. We learn to maybe forgive not forget the ones who hurt us. That is a hard one. With help from a professional we can learn to not let the demons from the past rule our lives anymore and know we can control what happens to us now. I am so proud of you and hope with help from your therapist you can focus on todays and tommorrows and not the yesterdays
    :dance: Keep up all the great work you are doing.
     
  5. nok1888

    nok1888 Well-Known Member

    you need to remind yourself that you were a different person in the past. The fact that you have changed now proves it.

    Instead of thinking about everything one by one, just think of the way you used to be and forgive yourself. I know its hard, believe me I know its hard but if you dont give up, each day tell yourself you were different then and so much has changed so far, there will come a day you can look back at things you did with out any guilt and give yourself praise knowing you'll never be like this again.

    Hope this makes sense. I struggled with the bad things I done in the past but I did what I said above and Ive been back over them a couple of times to remind me of how much Ive changed and now I've found peace with that part of myself. I no longer look back on these times as you have to let go to feel freedom.
     
  6. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I have a toy dump truck. Everything that comes up gets dumped. Sometimes, I write it out, then without reading what I wrote, I tear up the paper and throw it away. Don't keep the paper, don't read the paper. Dump it!

    Later, when more comes up, repeat the above process.

    Keep it simple, go to a meeting.

    Keep up the good work.
     
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    That was beautiful Self Destructing Tape, thank you. :)
    And everybody else thank you also.
     
  8. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    the best way to get over your past is to stop looking back and always look ahead. it seems incredibly hard because it's the only true way. face it, the past is gone... it's nothing but memories and experience. this is a great quote, and i think you'll agree: "whenever one door is closed, another opens. however, we are usually too busy starting at the closed one in regret to see the other doors that have been opened for us."
     
  9. foxwithwings13

    foxwithwings13 Well-Known Member

    I can relate ALOT to that. Except with me these things usually start to bother me again when I get a depressive episode.
    The best (and not really that good) advice to give is to try and keep busy and try and focus on the future ( i know thats easier said than done of course)
     
  10. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    :hug:
    Wow, this in kinda insane, I was just going to post a thread about how to get over the regretts in my life and I have many... I wish I had some wisdom to help u out but I'm clueless myself...sorry not very helpful but I can totally relate... I wish I kknew what to do... :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie: :boogie:
     
  11. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    I still do look back and whenever it starts to cause pain, I say, "Accept it" to myself. I might also say "I forgive". After a while, it does start to work.
     
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