How do you get respect from others?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by friendless, Jul 28, 2010.

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  1. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    I try to be a nice, honest person and go out of my way for friends (at least I used to until they began using me). But I don't get respect from anyone. Neither family nor stranger on the street.

    So, how do you get respect?
     
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    That's a tricky one.

    I would say that you have to respect yourself first. Do you?

    What I mean by this is that its very easy to get into a routine where you are used (for support, money, company, anything really) and you might find it gives you something or makes you feel good and you let it happen more and more and eventually you think that's all you are worth, being used, and you let it happen more, losing your self esteem, confidence and self respect.


    I think probably appropriate boundaries need to be put into place in any relationship to ensure that it remains healthy for both parties, which can be very difficult and is constantly evolving and adjusting throughout the relationship.

    I have no idea if that's any use at all, but I too have ended up being used by many, and that is because I got into a hole and allowed it to happen, over and over.
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Very good advice by Scum...I agree about the boundaries....
     
  4. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    Reading those forums is making me feel weird, who you want to respect you? I don't care if anyone respects me but my other half.
    The answer really is respect yourself, its a very short answer with deep meaning. I don't know if you can actually understand the meaning without knowing the answers haha I'm getting lost in my words now lawl.

    Maybe dress up, talk, walk appropriately will get you enough respect? I don't know I am not into any freaky shit so I get acceptance and respect from people quite easily.
     
  5. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    Yes. Maybe. Well... I don't know. I've been too busy hating myself for so many years that self-respect hasn't even occurred to me. Within the past 5 years or so I've tried my best to like myself, but I don't even know if I respect myself.

    This was good advice, thank you. I'll work on it.

    I do. Up until last year I was happily middle class, then the recession hit. I'm also college educated. But it does depend on definitions of "appropriate." If you mean "cooler," I could definitely use help in that department. I'm very self-deprecating and dorky, and my attire does not say "hip" by any stretch of the imagination. I wouldn't even know where to start to find fashion and lifestyle advice. I'm 29 years old (too damn old), is coolness after 30 even possible? I'm also a mom. I imagine being a mother, with a few exceptions, makes one automatically not cool by definition.

    See? This whole monologue was dorky. DORKY!

    But you can get respect without being cool, right? At least it's a theoretical possibility.
     
  6. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    I'm under the impression that if people believe that you are confident in yourself (which involves a certain level of respect) that you won't take any of their shit. That leads to a respect that includes not using you because they don't think it would work in the first place, and wouldn't even try. If they do try, then a quick slap backwards would not only teach them not to try it on you again, it would teach everyone else that you're serious. I don't mean a literal slap, but some blunt words and disconnection until they treat you differently would do the trick.

    You can be confident at any age, and it doesn't relate to 'coolness', but then again, I don't think it's a good goal to strive to be 'cool' since what makes you cool today will make you a loser tomorrow, ya' feel me? Though exuding confidence is a bit tricky, and requires quite a bit of faith in yourself at the very beginning. Quite frankly, you're faking it entirely in the beginning. But eventually faking confidence leads to having confidence, it's difficult, and you'll make mistakes, but if you're intelligent and learn from those mistakes, legitimate confidence will soon follow, and so will respect from your peers--- no matter who those peers are or what age.

    Just because you're a mom does not mean that you need to lay over and let people walk all over you-- what you do is important, and you need to take that to heart. Not a lot of people could do your job and do it well. Take my mom for example; she was much more concerned with driving us into the ground to elevate herself and cutting us off from friends so that we couldn't develop than raise us as respectable adults-- all in the name of love. She was a manipulative vermin, just listen to the middle of 'Down with the Sickness' from Disturbed, and you'll get the picture. Anyway, enough with the personal ranting, the point is that you have one of the most difficult and pivotal jobs that anyone can have. Your children rely on you for a picture of what they should strive to be in the future, even if it seems like they disregard you now. Do you want them to get a spineless, pathetic picture? Or a confident, can-do-anything picture? What would you like your children to act like in fifteen years? Emulate that wish, and you'll lead by example.

    When you feel like you can't do it, or even right now, in your head you're saying you could never do that, making up excuses, remind yourself that you're letting you and your children down by giving up. We (children) look up to you (parents) for examples of how to live our lives when we run out of answers, the more successful and healthy examples you can present to your children, the better. Every challenge is an opportunity to show your children the right way to do things, with the understanding that though they may not listen to you now, at least you did your best and they have that in the back of their mind.

    Just have to throw this in there, you're not going to be right all the time. I hope you already understand this-- you're not perfect, and your answers aren't going to be perfect either. But the worst thing you can do is give up completely and not try to be better, and understand when your children try to perfect your example in their own lives. I just want to make sure you don't take this as a message that you should expect your children to follow your actions exactly. Hope that comes across!

    BOTTOM LINE:

    You lead your children by your examples.

    You need to fake confidence until you gain it, and recognize when you have gained it, and bask in it.

    Confidence is not a quality reserved for young people without children.

    You as a person are not dead because you had children.

    Hope that helps! Good luck,

    --ThinkingCap
     
  7. markanderson10

    markanderson10 New Member

    I believe it starts from self-respect. How do you view yourself. You have to respect yourself first before others can respect you.
    Its simply having your own life, having your own passions, your own purpose and going for what you want in your life. Being real, authentic individual.
    I also wouldn't worry about if he respects you or not. That his problem, not yours.
     
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Why are others so important to you? I can't say I 'respect' many people around me, they live different lives, different values and I'm continuously being treated like dirt because I do value myself and speak out. To look for their approval would mean I'd given in to their bullshit. What you describe has never been an issue for me. I just want people to treat me appropriately when getting mental health care, or when I do talk because I tend to scare/challenge people a lot.

    I agree with the above, unless you look at yourself for your own approval- and know what your values are; rather than putting others on a pedestal, you might begin dressing up with whatever's out there that is marketed for 'individuality,' 'authenticity' and 'progress' while having no substance. Many people do that, because what you describe is being widely marketed- fashion, or screaming you're at A, B, C in a heirarchy without having any thought or direction means, you will automatically be respected. It's a myth; a bit like mannequins in shop windows, and what you said about mothers not being cool- ever think of why you feel that way? Don't worry about what you see- it's style and no substance, especially if you're with people who are all doing the same thing. The level of backstabbing, bitching and bullying that pervades social circles where this is happening, again suggests- respect is lacking in every corner.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2010
  9. Pow

    Pow Well-Known Member

    Theres a difference between being respectful towards others and being a pushover. You just have to keep it balance. Do not let people use you and be more assertive.
    Just look at someone you look up to, you'd find they are independant because people are attracted to someone with strong personalities.
     
  10. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    there are disrespectful people. just make the right friends and they will respect you.
     
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