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How do you guys tell people?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Maaso, May 21, 2009.

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  1. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    Just wondering, how do you tell the people around you that you feel this way? Its easy to tell you assholes here because I dont know you or give a shit about any of you or what you think about me.

    It took me 12 years to tell my mum I was depressed, and she asked me if I ever feel like killing myself, and I lied and told her no, I was just unhappy. But everyday I want to end it.

    I just dont know how to tell her without freaking her out or hurting her.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I used to come right out and tell people. They were usually casual friends (who thought I was kidding), close friends (who tried to talk to me about it) or my mom (who didn't answer at all).

    Regarding your mom, I guess you have the best idea on how to approach it, as you know the type of person she is.

    As to your opening statement, no offense, but while there are several people here who think I'm an asshole...as to most of the rest of the people here, they are very caring, intelligent and insightful people who will do their best to help you in your time of need, as will I.

    Before you tell your mother though, have you tried getting any professional help via therapy or counseling? Maybe you could start by telling your doctor about your depression.
  3. BriGuy

    BriGuy Antiquities Friend

    First, I'm sorry you think we are assholes here. I happen to have met a couple people on here that have now become very good friends to me... and spoken to others that I don't know very well, but I already care about them! And while I do believe that there are some people on here that don't care about me or others... there are MANY MORE people on here that DO care a great deal, myself included!

    As for your question... the ONLY people that know I am considering leaving this world are on here... and ONE acquaintance here in town that I rarely talk to except via email... and even he thinks I am no longer suicidal. But I cannot tell anyone in my family. They will only find out IF I go through with it... and I still may... because each day that goes on, the worse I feel.

    But trust me when I say that people on here DO care, myself included! I don't have all the answers, and have plenty of my own problems, but I am always happy to talk, listen, share, etc... so if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM, email or MSN me! :hug:
  4. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I'm a guy. I tend to call almost everyone an asshole. Thats just how I am. I know you all care, which is why were all here.

    My mum had an idea one time of how I felt, and she went on to tell me how it would it would kill her if I killed myself, then she layed that religion shit on me about how there is a special place for me in hell...she is Catholic.

    The only people whom I have to talk to are you people. I'm really good friends with the neighbor girl, I've told her and she just told me I'm dumb. Other than that....I dont have anyone else to talk to. My "friends" are all too busy with their lives and kids to pay any attention to me, I told one a while ago. He came and took my guns, all but one...I have ~50K worth of guns that he would like to get his hands on.
  5. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    Maaso -

    Carefully. I kept it secret for years, thought if I just dealt with it eventually it would go away. It doesn't, might go through waves but always returns. YOU NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE. As for who you tell is entirely different. Depends who you are close to and how they react. If your mom is blind to things, denial might be an issue and when you tell someone who treats you like your stupid for having these thoughts or kind of acts numb to them it does more harm then good. If your mom isn't like mine and is more concerned, loving and open then just tell her. You don't have to go all after school special on them. Tell her (or whatever family/friend you are confiding in) over coffee or while on a walk or in the living room. Tell them somewhere quiet where there isn't anything for them to get sidetracked or lose their attention. Don't do it while driving, watching a movie or in a crowd of people. Unless the person will pay attention. I told my dad over breakfast at a Denny's and he started crying. I told my mom in her room while she lay on her bed and she interupted me to ask if I'd seen something stupid on the news that day. There is never a perfect time or way but many many wrong ways to tell. But do tell. Tell someone you know will care because part of your healing will be someone actually giving a f***. Push comes to shove, tell a stranger!!! Sounds stupid but sometimes they care the most. Just don't say it too casually. My friend in high school talked about it so much we called her emo and thought she was just being a baby, that song changed when she started hurting herself so let people know it's real. Hope this helps and if it did even a little let me know, so I don't continue giving faulty advice to people who need the real stuff :) Good luck and I'm here if you need a vent...
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    From one asshole to another ( I'm a gal but thought what the Hell lol) why say anything at all if it is causing you grief? I mean you took 12 years to tell your mom and then you lie anyway. So what is the point in saying anything if you can't say it all? If you need to as a way to help you get you started in finding professional help then you just sit down, and tell your mom. I think she would rather know than be surprised to find out just how bad you are suffering by a suicide attempt whether it be successful or not. Most people unless they have or are suffering from depression or other mental health issues have no idea how to react or worse, how to help a person that does. There are too many negative stigmas surrounding mental health issues. And people are more inclined to believe those than take a little time and re-educate themselves to the truths.
    So yeah she might freak out at first, but I think she will appreciate how difficult it has been and was telling her and that after the initial shock she will try and be supportive. Parents, family and friends tend to be a little more understanding and supportive if you include them in the process. Get some info on depression that she can read, maybe try and attend a support group with her there for the first couple of visits, let her know that you getting better depends so much on the support you are going to get. But please, tell her the whole story not just the easier parts and some made up ending. It will only be a benefit to you both.
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    No problem about the comment earlier...like you said, we're all here for the same reason.

    My sister's the one that layed the guilt trip on me about my mother, telling me it would kill her...and when I thought about it, I was pretty sure she was right. I really think my mom would keel right over from a heart attack or just cease to have the will to exist.

    Right now, I take care of my mother and live in the same house. If I did it now, she'd be put into a home and be dead within a year.

    I'm pretty sure your mom would suffer terribly. Stick around for awhile. You can make some good contacts and friends here and get some sound advice.
  8. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    Its just hard to tell my mum. We come from Ireland, and are VERY devout Catholics...or she is anyways. Me personally, I gave up on religion when I reached the age of reason. That being said we tend to keep things within the family. But who will she tell? Her priest. And we will sit down, and have a talk and a little prayer and they will expect me to have it out of my system. I've sat in on a few of these back home and I know it happens here. I'm sorry if your religious, but prayer doesnt do shit, never has, never will.

    I think telling her that I gave up on her god would hurt her more than me wanting to kill myself.

    I still dont know what to do, I come here for help because I cant talk to people around me. I just dont know how to reach out I guess. I dont know if I want help actually, but I'm here...so I must want something deep down.

    I just dont feel like I have anything going for me.
  9. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    You mentioned something above about your friends having lives. What kind of lives do they have? Anything you would want? How old are you and do you have any ideas on what you would like to do? Or is the depression keeping you from doing pretty much anything?

    Yeah, from what is sounds like, telling your mother would probably not accomplish much.

    Do you have any hobbies that you could work into some kind of job? Do you want to have a family?

    I'm just trying to get an idea of what you would like to do so that I might be able to give you a little advice. Just so you know, I'm one of the older people at this site and I've been through a lot. I think it's good for you to get advice from a wide range of people.

    If you would rather talk in private, you can send me a private message, I will respond. I also saw that a couple of others offered the same. Sometimes a one on one can be helpful.
  10. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I'm 23, most of my friends are married, have kids, and all that.

    Thats nothing I want, I got seven abortions under my belt, I had a chance to have a family, passed on it everytime.

    I have a few hobbies, but they all cost money and dont bring in any money...
    One is firearm related, not exactly benificial to my situation. But I wont do it by gun, I've had a failed attempt, and need something more certain. And I keep reptiles, not much money in that other than self satisfaction by educating people on animals.

    I think I'm going to go lie down and try to sleep. I will talk to y'all tomorrow.
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I tell anyone who asks I'm suicidal. I don't see it as a big deal and the only time I get shit for it is when I'm in a crisis and I say that I want to do it. Then sometimes I get shit because people don't understand. Otherwise, people don't care, at least the people around me.
  12. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I woke up today...still uncertain about how I'm going to tell people. I'm not sure I even want to tell them anymore.

    I dont know...I just dont care about anything any more.
  13. kbp

    kbp Active Member

    Get drunk and write a letter? It might help.
  14. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I dont drink, Friday will be 7 weeks sober for me.
  15. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    If you can hurt yourself you can tell someone you are going to do it. Just tell em. Blurt it out!!!
  16. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I told my cat, he yawned in my face and went back to sleep.

    If he can handle it, I think my mum could.
  17. inkspring

    inkspring Well-Known Member

    Good for you, Maaso! 7 weeks sober--excellent. There are many people whose mood crashes after a night of getting a drunk on.

    So you've already taken the first step to a better life. Not perfect, but better one little bit at a time.

    Coming here is a good choice on your part. We've all walked in your shoes to some degree or another. Yes we do take you seriously. Very seriously.
    And we want you to have what we are working towards--a better life.

    If you are seriously considering suicide any day now and you can't find anyone back home to take you seriously, please go to you nearest emergency room. They will help you and take you seriously. Someone will listen to you and they will get you help--someone who understands your situation. They cannot turn you away and wouldn't want to anyway.

    I'm in your corner as is everyone here,
  18. BlondRedHead

    BlondRedHead Well-Known Member

    That was funny, I spit out my drink all over the computer screen. Let us know when you tell and keep us updated, or at least me. I want to know if it works out for you.
  19. Maaso

    Maaso Well-Known Member

    I just told my sister....kind of.

    I left this window open, but on another section. And shes like "Wow, dude...the suicide forum? Anything we need to talk about?"

    I played it off like I'm just here for the depression section, my sister is the only thing I care about in this world, and I couldn't even tell her the truth about why I'm here.

    Shes knows something is up though...

    I'm scared she read the window that was open though, it was about her.

    She seems very lax if she did, or maybe she is scared of me.

    I think it made things worse.
  20. Jack Rabbit

    Jack Rabbit Well-Known Member

    At first I told nobody. Then I told my wife, figured she had a right to know. Told one of my sons because he is bipolar, too, and he needed to know. Other than that, I've never told anybody. It's none of their business.
    I think it is important to have somebody to talk to honestly. For me, it's my wife. I know it's hard for her, but she's always been there for me, even when I went into the hospital.
    It sounds like your sister might be the one for you. Her reaction when she saw you were on the forum is encouraging. Think about talking to her.
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