I am really batteling to get through a day lately. Its hitting the 23rd soon. I went to see someone for help. They made me sign some letter stating I promise not to kill myself. But all the money and time seeing her prooved useless. She does not even no what to do. She is lost for words. So if someone that helps people for a lving cant help me . How the hell can I help myself. I have tried and tried so f*$cken hard to come right. But as soon as I do I come down again 100 times worse. Is this just a sickness without a cure??? I really dont want to hurt anybody buy the action I am going to take. But it seems like the only thing to get people to finally see and think , I dont want to hurt them but I come first . I for once dont want pain. I tried crashing my car under heavy medication. I woke up in the hospital without a scratch. The next attempt is foil proof.