How do you identify poor therapists?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mew, May 25, 2007.

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  1. Mew

    Mew Active Member

    ...or at least poor client/therapist matches?

    Recently started seeing a therapist and during our last session (5th?), I felt things got a little ugly. I got the sense that I was being attacked, having my words twisted, having my current state indirectly ridiculed (I'm not proud of it, I don't need to be told how harmful it is), being told that my emotions and beliefs are false, being cut off while I'm trying to express myself, suggesting I get medication when she previously told me she didn't think it's necessary and said I didn't need to if I didn't want to (I'm very anti-meds), and generally being treated like I'm stupid. Like I don't know I'd be unhappy if the status quo continues :( I could tell she was getting frustrated with me, and I don't blame her for it given how I've been very unresponsive to some of her suggestions. And yet...

    This is very different from my previous therapeutic experience, which was overwhelmingly positive. Yet I also recognize that when when I was with my previous therapist, I was more receptive, open, and upbeat given I had some wonderful people in my life.

    Is this all in my head? A problem with my therapist? Me? Both of us? Are the things I'm feeling and thinking a warning sign of sorts or should I give this one more shot? Anybody else with more experience with therapists care to offer some tips?

    To be honest, after the last session I'm not sure I can trust her :(
  2. kirstyclive

    kirstyclive Guest

    some therapists can be very "off" if you dont feel comfortable with the one you see then change to another.. you'll find the right person to work with you if you persevere
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It could be that since you had a good relationship with your old therapist, this one does not meet your expectations so you are not being as open to their suggestions. If you are not comfortable with this therapist, try someone else. The two of you may just not mesh together. It doesn't have to mean either of you are at fault. If you do not have trust between you, no matter how good the therapist is, you will not be successful in treatment. Is it possible for you to either express your feelings to this therapist, or look for someone else? There has got to be someone out there you can trust and be comfortable with. Don't stop searching. It can make all the difference in the world. :hug:
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Know what, I'd actually tell her exactly what you said here and see how that session goes.
    If she falls back on the old 'it's all in your head' chestnut then time to find someone new.
  5. lilboyblue

    lilboyblue Well-Known Member

    I agree with that completely. therapy should be a safe place to discuss your feelings, no matter what. hopefully your therapist will make the effort to work things out for the best.
  6. Mew

    Mew Active Member

    Thanks for the responding everybody. Really really appreciate it :)

    Perhaps my expectations were high, but not in a detrimental manner, I think. I was pretty much ready to bare it all because my previous therapeutic relationship had been so good. My lack of response to her suggestions has to do with my lack of energy more than anything and constantly being told it's there isn't helping :( It's like she's denying what I'm feeling.

    I've never been good at confronting people, unless it's a spur of the moment thing and I'm not thinking straight. I must admit in this case it may be necessary and in my best interests. After the last session though, not sure I can trust her enough to confront her and lay out my feelings again. I hadn't considered this option though and will have to think about it a bit more.

    As for other people, I'm not sure that'd be possible. Due to where I live and my circumstances, access to therapists who speak English are severely limited :( As for people I can confide in, I'd much rather not burden them with my problems. They've already done so much for me in the past.

    Thanks again for all for your advice :) I'll continue mulling over this a bit more. Still about a weekish before I have to give my 24 hour warning.
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