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How do you just bounce back ?

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Hello guys and gals....i dont want to boar you with my life story so i wont il try to keep it as short as i can :)...

Guess it all started 6 months ago when me and my lady broke up! Before she even enterd my life i never really had many friends maybe two or three ..But since she left i actually feel more alone than ever ! she was like having a million friends at once !......Iused to be super confident and always laughin.....Ive not laughed in 6 months...i just walk around like a little lost man ! weather its the beach or the woods ....i just walk for no reason !

What makes things worse is we have a 1 year old girl together and another on the way...But she stoped me from seeing my little girl around 2 months ago :(

ive just missed her first birthday .....which was on friday!

No matter how hard i try to fix my self At the end of the day im in just as much pain as the day it all started !

How on earth do i get out of this madness.....

Ive been cut down off a rope by my brother .ive ran out in front of a car....

just want things to be finished really .

I dont have no one to talk to about how im feeling ect ect which makes me feel realy alone :(

What do i have to do to make this all just stop :(

Thanks for taking the time to read my post :)

Hello David,

Sorry to hear how wretched you are feeling. However, time has a way of sorting things out, your ex-partner will mellow over time, and probably agree to visiting rights for you to see your child. You need to hang on in there for the little girl.

Walking is good, any exercise can help to lift depression. In answer to your question, it's not possible to just bounce back - not straight away. But each new day holds new surprises and in time I pray that you'll look back on this really awful period of your life and realise that you survived.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I would not wait for things to mellow out i would go to the courts now and get visitation rights to your child She cannot prevent youfrom seeing her Don't give up on that right okay Your little girl needs you. I walk as well sometimes just walking not knowing where i am going it helps just to keep the sadness away. Get a hold of a family lawyer okay and start the process of getting visitation rights in place She cannot with hold you child from you hugs
The thing is my ex partner wants me to go to court she wants me to fight....i dont want to fight anymore with the mother at all........several family members have already said she wants a fight from you dont give it to her....

Ive had enough of fighting to last me a lifetime.....

But thank you for your advice and kind words it means a great deal to me at the present time :)


total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
hun you won't be fighting her you will be fighting to get rights to your child if you don't your child will always feel you just didn't care to try hun just my opinion though just don't let her take this child away okay she is yours too hugs
I can see you are in the u.k.
I don't know your story but i suspect that i shared parts of it a couple of years ago.
Go and see a solicitor, one who deals exclusively with family law issues.
You are allowed half an hour free first consultation with most firms.
You may be due legal aid to help matters.
That will put you in the picture initially, you can go from there.
Do not get angry.
Do not send bad texts. ( If you do, be aware that they can be used ina court of law, that works both ways remember)
Do not make contact if you can help it.

In the UK the courts lean to a child having a close and meaningful relationship with BOTH Mum and Dad. Fact.

Unless you are deemed unfit to be around your children, you WILL see them, so bear in mind your behaviour towards their mother please, as this may well have an effect.

As far as moving on and getting over this, damn, i could write a twenty thousand word post here, and still miss most of it out. (old brain and the fact i have not worked it out myself yet!)

There are a ton of threads on this subject, i have made some too.

Whatever has occured between you, its history now, the kids come first.
She is their mother, love her for that, rewards endless.................

If you want to pm me, i am listening.


Well-Known Member
Hey David, good to meet you but maybe it would be best if none of us ever met on here and nobody needed a forum like this - but we do and it is so here we are.

Women eh? That kind of pain is hard to put into words - its like bereavement only worse as its easy to accept someone dead not being there for you. It's not their fault!

But we lose a woman, especially if she is our world - and that 's a real nasty pain.

Even worse when you have a child and things go wrong. With love it only takes one to back out of the 'contract' and there is nothing you can do to win her back.

But, your child is a different matter. I mean, if you walked away you'd always regret it. If you tried for some visitation and lost it - you'd regret it but could at least know you tried to make things right.

In this day and age - kids look online to find fathers when they get to a certain age. At least in future you'd be able to say her mother stopped you from visiting. And is this really too much hard work? After all you will just give details to some legal worker and your actual time spent in court will be fairly brief considering the importance of the matter.

The main thing Dave is how you feel right now. You've had these suicide attempts and its brave of you to admit that. Many here have been through that also - but life does go on and you can often look back and see a train-wreck of a life when your feeling better.

Maybe your depressed - I mean, not for nothing, but hanging yourself generally qualifies. Not sure if you have tried to help yourself in seeking any help or whether your the sort of chap who keeps his own counsel on these matters. You should talk to someone - keeping this in is NO GOOD.

Maybe meds would help you. Many seem to help in the thought process when it becomes like a CD on repeat playing the same old sad song over and over.

Anyhow if you've not had any help then you've been a marvel for taking this on your own - but you do need help and carrying on with this load on the shoulder will drag you down in the end. It always does!

You need to get your life in a little order, maybe you will be able to arrange some visits in a few weeks months when you feel up to it. Get some help though - its what the NHS is there for and people struggled like hell to give us the chance of combating the horrible effects depression brings us. Worse is the apathy which sets in - I guess we've all been there and hate ourselves at that point. Depression or not, maybe we all need to stand up a little for ourselves, and to do this might take meds, counselling and other things such as exercise and education and hopefully some love.

Who is to say you don't meet another woman more suited to you and you to her. Maybe your ex might meet someone and that can mellow her out a little. You might be feeling WAY better in a short while and be able to phone the ex up and convince her to let bygones be bygones and to allow you the duty of being a father albeit with her permission.

Things can change, depression just makes us think of the worse, which is why its such a debilitating condition, and one we really need to watch out for and be on guard against.

I carried this sh** alone for thirty years - but I was lucky in that I've always been able to see the good in people and always had passions, outside of romance and relationships which made me glad to spend a day doing what I'm doing.

But even so depression has held me back - it does that and even if you can handle it without actually having some suicide plan or attempts it just means your energy is diverted towards a regular battle of the 'wits'.

I've never taken meds, ever, maybe this is unfair on others as well as myself. Living for yourself is not really something that drives me - I guess when you connect with others there is less chance you'll be trying to kill yourself.

I guess its good to be able help others as that in itself becomes a reason for sticking around. Just bear in mind that depression often saps that good intent and leaves us unable to help ourselves, let alone others.

I guess the people who do overcome depression are the ones who realise they have it and who take steps to overcome it by asking others for advice.

Many men go down a path of pretending all is well. You could see a man walking to jump off a cliff edge, ask how he was doing and he would answer "Pretty OK, how are you doing yourself?"

We keep it all in sometimes - so don't fall for that trap of thinking that men should always just 'deal' with depression. Nobody would deal with third degree burns ny themselves - likewise with depression, you really ought to get some help and that all starts with a trip to the GP, maybe a worried night beforehand, and confessing to depression.

That's a start. Could be the best thing you ever done.

Anyhow, you got time to get visitation issues settled and time to get yourself well again and back into the fray of life at some point. Could take a while but if your in the UK you can help with benefits and housing, Mate who divorced just got a new flat off the council and his children, now grown up, are there all the time as he had medical issues.

For now, forget that and get yourself on the first step to recovery.

My best wishes and sincere good wishes, prayers also, in any religious form because I'm not claiming a monopoly on God!

Things will get better - and you got us her for advice and so on.

You will bounce back - but its often not a hurried bounce back and people always take time to move from feeling like dying to feeling like waking up in the morning is not so bad after all.

Keep the faith brother. One day you'll be here to help others get back on track I'm sure!


Well-Known Member
I'm just going to keep it simple.
You're little girl is the centre of your world right? Well stop thinking about what would be right or wrong with your ex and instead keep in mind what would be best fot your lil girl.
Nobody knows the situation as good as you and only you can know what's really right or wrong. For every action ask yourself what is best for my lil girl? Consider the likely outcomes or even the effect on her in the process of trying to achieve an outcome.
I come from a broken family and I now wish my parents had considered the affect on me instead of going head on into being "rightous".
You do have the answers to the practical but sometimes finding the answers to the practical stuff shows.you some answers to questions from with in.
Hope I made sense.
We're hete to relate and listen
Naaaa ive not seen anyone about my problems ive kept them all to my self i dont want people knowing how bad things have got...i just wack on a brave face and carry on !

i have no bad feelings towards my ex ..i wish her the best of luck in life as she is a diamond!

i dont like what she has done in regards to stoping me from seeing my daughter !

Im now seeking legal advice about seeing my daughter !

the only reason i didnt is because ive always thought she would be better off with out me...that may well be true..but i am not better off with out my daughter !

i dont fancy going on meds ..

thanks for all the kind support :)

means the world to me :)


total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I can tell you that she will not be better off without you. My father was kept from me and it hurts i was so confused without him i hate him for not fighting to get hisrights back but then maybe he didn't want them i am glad you are getting legal advice she needs her dad just as much as you need her


Well-Known Member
Hi David,

Cant add much that hasnt been said, but your children need you to fight for them. They need you there to teach, explain, help all those things a father does. You need them for thier unconditional love and acceptance. Dont let deprieve yourself and your children the lives that you deserve together.

Here anytime you want to talk.
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