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How do you keep going?

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I swear my every other thought if "I want to die."
I'm not going to actively do anything although when I hear of people who have died my first thought is "How lucky, why couldn't it have been me?" 15 people have fallen off of half-dome (I'm a couple of hours away from yosemite). My first thought was great idea, do I have to pay the full park fee or can I just pay half? maybe I can take a tour bus up there to save on gas, and not have to worry about my car being found.
It sounds stupid but I don't want to hurt my dog or my boyfriend. I found his gun this morning, news to me I didn't even know he had one. I couldn't do anything to him I can only imagine how he would be left feeling if I used it, maybe it would be for the best I'll be gone and I won't be a bother to him anymore.
Life's getting worse and worse each day I can't keep up with it, but I don't want to hurt the one person that cares. Why?? :i'm sorry:
Hiya Lostinca,

I understand what a horrible dark place it is your in right now, i really honestly do. very thought, very moment feels almost consumed by it all.

Im still here because of good friends and the encouragement i get from people here. I am also looking into doing a course on pottery, sounds daft but i think if i have something i can focus on and look forward to, it might help a bit.

Im here if you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me xx Amy


Well-Known Member
I think about the things I have and I go to a therapist if I need to.

Please go see a therapist and get help, it will work out.

Take care. <3

Jack Rabbit

Well-Known Member
Why do things keep getting worse? Or why don't we want to hurt the ones we love?
I think I can answer the second.
Just because we are depressed doesn't mean we have lost our humanity. My wife has kept me alive through darkest times - not by doing anything, but because of exactly what you bring up. I see no problem with killing myself, but I can not hurt her. It's crazy, but I'm alive so I'm not complaining.
By itself, though, it's not enough, or it may not be enough. Somewhere you have to find the strength to deal with the addiction. I think suicidal ideation is an addiction. Some of that strength has to come from within, which is not as impossible as it sounds, and some from without. Professional therapists, even friends like those on this board can lend you strength in little bits.

Back to the first question. It's not that things are better or worse, it's our feelings/mood/biochemistry that drives our perception of them. Things can't get better or things can't worse is inside of us, not a part of reality. Please search youtube for "Arlo Guthrie Last Guy". It always helps me.
i just want to say that i understand. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't want to die, a night that i don't cry myself to sleep and a morning i am not angry that i woke up.....

i just want it to be over and get jealous when i hear of other people that have died. i wish i could do it. i attempted suicide a few years back. clearly, i failed. and now i just feel stuck here. i have an eating disorder and i believe my only hope is that one day my body will finally give out from everything i have done to it. but i doubt i am even that lucky because i have been sick for over 10 years and nothing has ever been physically wrong with me (at least not serious). go figure. ill be stuck in this hell forever.

so that is all, just wanted to say i get it. im here if you want to talk.


Well-Known Member
I tried to open up to my boyfriend after I had a severe panic attack last night, and this morning he told me that it's just too much I worry about too many things.
I am tired of opening up or trying to just to have everyone around me shut me out.
I have never been this close to the edge and I just wish I had enough medication to take to end it, I don't.
I don't know what to do or actually how to do it. I want to close my eyes and not wake up this is too much.
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