How do you keep going when it seems like every decision you make is worse than the last and every single thing is pushing you closer and closer to the end? My life is so messed up I am not even sure where to begin. I was laid off from my job, the only job I can get doesn't even give me enough money to live, every month I am losing something. Yes I know it's just money and what does it really matter in the long run. I am technically homeless I live with my abusive ex (we were together from 19-23 and just got back together 4 months ago). Every week he makes sure I am well aware of how much I am not wanted and he kicks me out, then the next day he wonders why I do not trust him. I do not have anywhere to go, the house I was living in was foreclosed on and my parents have sold all of the appliances, even after knowing my current situation of my home life. Even if I could go back there the water and power have been shut off for non payment. My parents are not a option they live with my sister who told me a couple of years ago that I should do the world a favor and kill myself and not screw it up this time (I had a couple of suicide attempts in my teens). My best friend and her husband do not get along and are almost getting a divorce so that isn't a option, and other friends? Well my boyfriend has made sure to isolate my and remove any contact with anyone that would have helped me. I just feel so stuck I do not know what to do or even how to attempt to fix things. I spent all of last night thinking Jason has 2 guns here how hard is it to just shoot myself, what's the best angle to make sure I actually do it right this time? My luck I will mess that up and end up a vegetable. Why haven't I just done it? I could easily pretend like I am packing up my things take a backpack, the gun and just drive somewhere and shoot myself. That would honestly be the best option for me I can't fix things this time, I have done too many wrong things. I don't know why I am rambling or what it even matters, I guess I am just reverting back to my "ooh feel sorry for me" and playing the victim role. Maybe I am doing this as some sort of letter that can be traced back if anyone cares enough to look, which I am sure won't happen. I am a failure. Thank you for listening and reading this I am sorry for rambling.