How do you know if you exist?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by nuts, Jun 27, 2009.

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  1. nuts

    nuts Account Closed

    OK, I don't know if this is the right place to write about this, but what the heck, the worst that could happen is I'll get banned.. :)

    I'm sure I'm not the only one with these types of issues, so maybe someone can provide some insight, anything to help me feel a little more sane. I feel like something has short-circuited in my brain a few months ago and I am spiralling down a path to utter insanity. I don't know why, but I feel totally out of touch with reality. I don't know what is real anymore, I don't know what life is or what the point of living is.

    From an outsider's point of view, I have nothing to complain about; I believe that I have everything I could ask for in a material sense and I feel completely healthy in a physical sense. However, mentally, I am just totally losing it. And if I don't have my sanity, then I don't have anything. In the past I used to occasionally contemplate the meaning of life and what may happen after one dies and these types of thoughts always scared the crap out of me and put me in a really dark place. Well, now I'm constantly feeling that way. I keep obsessing over how fleeting everything is, how the present is always changing... I am so worried and scared all the time, that I find it impossible to just live in the moment anymore and I feel that life is passing me by.

    And what scares me the most is death. I know it's inevitable and that it happens to everyone, but I really wish I knew what it feels like to be dead. I cannot grasp the concept of non-existence and yet I can't stop trying to comprehend it. I find myself fantasizing about being in a car accident or slashing my wrists and trying to imagine what it would feel like to stop existing, just so I can feel at peace, but the more I think about it, the more it depresses and scares me. I realize that no one has a definitive answer to the question "What is the meaning of life?", but how do other people go on living without being bothered by the idea that one day they will be dead and nothing they did in life will matter?

    I gave birth to a baby boy not too long ago and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. At the same time, having a child has driven me even more insane. I keep wondering where he came from. I mean, I know about the physical aspect of where babies come from, but where did his soul, his personality come from? Where was he before he was conceived? Where/what was I before I was conceived? I just wish I could go back to being blissfully ignorant, not thinking or worrying about this stuff, but it's all I can think about. I feel like I am in the Matrix and I've just found out that life is a hoax, except that nobody's telling me what is actually real.

    Is there some sort of pill or something that can put me back to "normal"? How can I cope with these types of thoughts? I feel like crying all the time...

    Thanks for reading. Feel free to delete my post if it is inappropriate.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2009
  2. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    looks like your going tru a crisis, maybe you are changing, growing up or something
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i think alot of people have asked the same questions you asked the problem is you are fixating on it. There is medication that can help your mind not be so obsessed with this idea of death but there is also therapy that can help. Have you ever thought about talking to a therapist about you feelings and thoughts. A therapist will help you immensley i would try it if i were you. All this time wasted on thinking about death you should be spending enjoying life especially now with your new baby. Take each day and just enjoy it because worrry about death won't change anything just make you anxious and yes feeling insane. Please try to talk with a T or just your doctor or a priest anyone but know you are not alone eithers have the same thoughts you just have to learn to move on from them take care best wishes for you and you little one.
  4. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    "I think therefore I am"

    The fact that you are a being that can doubt you exist is proof that you do in fact exist.
  5. nuts

    nuts Account Closed

    Thank you peeps for reading and replying to my rambling. I think I know what my problem is on a physical level - I have a tendency towards OCD behaviour, which manifests itself in other obsessive habits, as well. I have tried anti-depressants in the past, but found that they made me feel kind of drowsy and not "like myself", plus I don't really like the idea of having to take pills in order to be normal. I prefer talking through and analyzing my issues instead, even if sometimes there is no real resolution to the underlying questions (such as the meaning of life and death). I may consider therapy as well, though it is hard for me to make the time or justify the cost. I like to think that I am strong/sane enough to deal with my own problems, but perhaps one of these days I'll give in and try a rational solution (such as therapy).

    Thanks again!
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    You'er asking questions that some of the greatest minds ever have pondered. Unfortunately, what we know up to this point is not sufficient to answer them. Frankly I think many of those philosophers went insane and I don't want that to happen to you.

    Please see a doctor and try, just try some meds. You have a beautiful baby boy in your life now that needs you and I'm sure you will enjoy so many wonderful times with him.
  7. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I think everything you're thinking about is valid.

    If you just had a baby, your hormones are doing the dance of death. Give it some time. Pregancy and childbirth, just like periods and menopause, plays hell on a woman. You may be experiencing Postpartum Depression. I had that horribly, and didn't know it at the time because I had no one to tell me, much less support me. There isn't much you can do about it except to allow it to subside and work itself out naturally (especially if you're breast feeding). Eventually nature will level you out. If not, then you can consider the medical alternatives (generally in the form of pills!) Therapy is great at this time.

    The experience of un-reality is called derealization. It's a symptom of stress. Having a new baby causes stress, and so do imbalanced hormones (I'm an expert at this one right now!). Just realize this is a natural thing, and does not make you insane. No need to be harder on yourself during this time than you need to be.

    Good luck with the young'un!
  8. Gnaizda Netherain

    Gnaizda Netherain New Member

    Umm...not sure if i can answer you well, but here goes.

    Existing is the state of taking up space on earth. Be it a rock, a tree or even an animal.
    Being alive is the state of existing and taking in substance, such as air or matter, to exist. Plants photosynthesise, animals eat.
    To live is the state of being alive and to be able to think. nuts, you typing here on this forum shows that you are living.

    What happens before birth and after death is not easy for us to understand as we cannot experience it firsthand, so i'll link it to a concept i find similar to a loss of thought/ consciousness, that's sleeping.

    Since we live and can think, we often think about what happens when we cant think (ie. we die). Honestly, i feel that dying is the same as falling asleep every night, without dreaming. Your thoughts slow down, slower and slower to the extent that its stuck, and therefore stops thinking because nothing is happening. I have no religion, so i cant say much about an afterlife or such, so that's my two cents worth.

    Ideally, we as humans live by feeling "happy and content". By creating an impact on others, making them (hopefully!) happier, we feel we "exist" as we cause a change on the world we live in. That said, it takes a really hardened soul to be a hermit.

    As to wondering where your child came from, i think that relating it to waking up every morning would make it easy to understand. He woke up fresh and curious about the world from your womb, eager to learn about the world.

    I hope i managed to ease your uncertainty about existence. =D
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Thats a very philosophical question your asking. How can we ever truly know we exist. This will make me sound like a nerd for sure, but sometimes, when i spend 8 hours playing the sims, i begin to feel like i dont exist, like i'm a piece in a computer game such as the sims that someone is playing with. It's a very strange thought/feeling to have and it freaks me out but i guess, i don't feel that we'll ever know we exist. :/
  10. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i certainly don't exist to someone. i'm just a dream.
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