I've been off my meds for 3-days and that usually means my suicidal thoughts consume me. I kind of like getting here because I can easily convince myself suicide is a good idea. Is that a crisis? or is it when I'm standing at the edge of a cliff ready to jump. Or is the crisis when I'm looking through all the pills in my house trying to decide if they'll do the trick? But yet my therapist doesn't seem to really get how f*****d I feel and we just sit and talk and I cry and then I come back next week for another round. I don't want to exist. I'm tired of existing...I'm no good at living, I have OCD that consumes me some days, an executive function disorder which has made my entire adulthood one failure after another. I love my kids but they're doomed to failure because of my sh***y example.