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How do you know when it's over?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Doubletap, Jan 17, 2010.

  1. Doubletap

    Doubletap Member

    I recently started on anti-depressants that make me feel..nothing basically. Numb. But if I'm not numb I'm in a downward spiral. I see nothing good in the future, and my boyfriend doesn't help. I'm 25, laid off for over a year and actively seeking work. My BF is 29, laid off and I don't see him making any progress in actively looking. I think about other people all the time that I'm attracted to, even during sex, which has been non existant for a couple months now. He's clingy, calls me multiple times a day, and I can't even think of anything to talk to him about when I do talk to him.

    He likes to cuddle. Which is fine but he can't get enough of it. He's sweet, smart and funny and knows my imperfections. It's been 7 1/2 years and I've felt nothing for a while before the pills, but now it's worse than ever. His friends are my friends, he's part of the family and he accepts me for who I am. I just feel like being alone. Not with anyone. In a way I wish he'd break up with me so I don't have to worry anymore. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to ruin one of the best things that happened to me, but it all went to shit.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't know it is hard because you sound like you do care for him.
    Is it fair to him to hold on to him if you really don't have feelings for him
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    This sounds like my ex and I-- but with the roles reversed.
    He split up with me and didn't tell me why and broke my heart.
    I think that the only thing you can do is talk to him about it...
  4. Doubletap

    Doubletap Member

    I understand the whole thing about keeping him for so long is worse than breaking it off. I've told him a little, and that we have to work on our relationship. He was getting upset when i refused sex from him. And then he'd pout and gripe about it. I think the point that set me off was when he said, "Can't you just GET into the mood?" I almost broke up with him that night, but he's good at "keeping me at bay with his kindness" sort of speak. It's hard. He cries and I don't know how to deal with that.

    I also feel like he's the only thing I have left. And I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve him.
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Everyone deserves love and happiness. Some people don't get to have it as easy as others, unfortunately.

    If you explained how you feel to him bluntly, do you think that you two would have a chance of working on things together?
  6. Doubletap

    Doubletap Member

    I don't know if I could change who he is. He tries so hard, almost too hard at times to make me happy. I think maybe his life would be better without me, to find someone who appreciates him more than I do. I believe that he loves me more than I love him.

    I think what it comes down to is that I don't think I love him like I used to anymore. And that's something I think that I have to work on, but I don't know that I can...
  7. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Maybe small breaks from each other would be better. Sometimes when I'm with my boyfriend, I get these random urges to be left completely alone and I tend to go through short patches where I don't like being touched at all, especially while I'm trying to sleep, though usually I love falling asleep in his arms. Honestly, you should tell him how you feel.. explain when you want time alone. Usually a little time alone is all I need and I feel totally better and hate the thought of being apart from him any longer. It doesn't mean I don't love him, I can say with all certainty that I'm completely in love with him. You need to sit down with him and tell him everything.