How do you know when it's your time to go?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Purple_One, Oct 13, 2009.

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  1. Purple_One

    Purple_One Member

    Ah, I dunno where to start.

    My parents disowned me 2 years ago. I have no other family, nor siblings.
    I then developed a huge drink problem.

    I've been getting help the past coupld of years for it.

    My keyworker has gone to another post.
    Our social worker has upped sticks and pissed off, without even a sodding goodbye.

    My mobile phone has been out of action for 4 weeks now due to my dd2 locking me out of it. I finally got a puk codoe for it on Friday. Turned it on.....not even one fucking text in 4 weeks.

    My dd1 (darling daughter 1) calls me lazy ****, lazy bitch, idle bastard all the time. She hits her sister endlessly. DD2 says she has a sadness in her stomach. She's 12 next week. DD1 is 14.
    I now have no job.

    I've planed a party for DD2 next week and stupidly realised that they'll be stopping me benefits. DD2 has a learning I've made her look like a total **** in front of her new friends. Can't even get that right.

    But to the point. I have no hugs, or kisses.
    I have no emotional contact whatsoever. I have no friends that I can call on.
    My ex even said no to taking the girls when the hospital wanted to admit me with suicidal thoughts.

    I have decided it is my time to go soon. I can#t cope with this shit anymore. Can't even get a fucking job. Have no mother figure in my life, no one to turn to to offload or to hug.
    How do you know when it's time to go?
  2. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    Here's a thought i'll let you decide on your own...

    How will your daughters feel when daddy is really gone and not there anymore? How much guilt with DD1 feel when she didn't really mean the things she said or DD2 feeling guilty in life because she had problems and daddy got tired of them and offed himself...
  3. Purple_One

    Purple_One Member

    I'm not even a daddy.......

    I'm the girls mummy and I don't even care about that anymore.....
  4. Purple_One

    Purple_One Member

    I am so lonely.
  5. Purple_One

    Purple_One Member

    All I ever do is cry.

    I'm 36 years old FFS!
  6. Vangelis

    Vangelis Well-Known Member

    Oops, I epic failed on that one...

    You're pretty harsh on yourself because nothing in life is going right...age is just a number though and there's still lots of time to improve and make you and your daughters get better. Coming here onto the forums is the right step since we're all in the same boat. Right now looking at what you have, and what I have, it's both not our time to go.
  7. Purple_One

    Purple_One Member

    I am so lonely.
    There is nothing left. All I have is my kids, my cat and a roof over our heads (but not for long)

    Nobody ever visits. Nobody ever calls. Nobody gives a shit about us.

    All I ever do is sleep in the day (comfort from the real world) chauffeure my kids here and there cos my ex can't be arsed and he only lives a mile down the road. The eldest abuses me all the damn time, calls me horrible names. She hit me last week.

    I often think about packing a bag and running away from it all. The only thing that keeps me here is that the ex refuses to take his flesh and blood. He told me, and the social services, he would put them in foster care should anything ever happen to me....

    So, like I said, nobody gives a flying fucking shit about us. I hide in my bedrooom most of the time, out of the way of the kids.
    I often try and call my parents, even tho it werent' my fault....they NEVER answer the phone. My mother has ignored my children for 2 years.

    I can't do this anymore. I am crying as I type this. Feel so empty and unloved and unwanted inside....and it hurts so bloody much.
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think family councilling would be of a great help to all of you. Therapy for your children is needed as they obviously have alot of pain and anger to workon.
    Therapy for all of you so everyone can heal together. The father well i know how that was not having one either a lot of hurt and anger your children need help get them help and get you therapy and maybe medication as well Glad you came here because now you are not alone okay we are here with you now.
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