How do you know?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by TBear, Mar 14, 2009.

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  1. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    OK so I'm scared to ask my therapist....

    I'm worried I have DID, I definitely show signs of PTSD, depression (sometimes), eating disorder (sometimes), self harm (rarely), dissociation, fugue, depersonalization, derealization, and amnesia...

    But the times I forget - "you said..." can be explained away with stress...

    The people who know me, that I don't know could be because my job places me in the "spotlight" of the community I live in and having 7 children makes it possible for people to know me by association - IE that's her Mom....

    The different ways I act could perhaps be separate ego states...

    I can and have given excuses for every symptom - but the underlying fear is that it is true... I don't want it to be, but the symptoms and difficulties have gotten worse with addressing the traumas. We have stepped up the therapy from 1x per week to 2x per week....

    The different voices in my head, coorespond to different traumatic times in my past and different forgotten time spans - only accessible if I "switch gears" or points of view. But that could just be an imaginative way of handling the horrible past....or am I in denial?

    When I'm at the office - I'm so organized and businesslike. At home Mommy comes out, then there is the funloving girl who can do cartwheels on the trampoline with my kids (also me) ... Sometimes I need glasses, and sometimes I don't but couldn't that be because I am overly tired sometimes and sometimes not? I write notes to my self so that when I'm in social mode and make arrangements to go to a party, it doesn't conflict with a party for one of the kids mommy set up, or a business meeting from work...otherwise I would forget. But wouldn't anyone? That is alot to keep track of.

    Don't know just scared and don't know if I'm avoiding the obvious - I could see my therapist smoothing over the impact so I don't go off the "deep end"...

    I got the courage to ask if there was a diagnosis about a year ago and all he said was - we are working on trauma...and How important was it to me to know? All was fine and we were working toward bringing the puzzle pieces that are my life together.

    I guess it doesn't really matter - does anyone else have similar confusion?

  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    You do sound very confused, and I do think you need to discuss this all with your therapist, both whether or not you have a diagnosis, but the whole confusion surrounding your life and yourself.

    I have a lot of confusion about my issues, but my therapist described it as an alternate reality (which I did try and correct, so not sure if she still thinks that). So I think that's a bit different but yes I do feel confusion about myself and what's wrong with me and what it all means.
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I' ve never been diagnosed with DID, my therapist vehemently denies that I have DID, but we talk a lot about "parts", but people, generally as human beings, do have different ways of being towards different people. You having fun with your children- and then going to work and being business-like, so many people do this. People are really really very complex. I think the high-stress world in which we live, demands that we perform/act to the point where it can all seem very unreal and we're feeling very alienated, robotic and wondering where am I? I know there's something inside of me that hates a very numb part, and knows there's energy infused in evry part of me, and that I've found, my way of living I've realised, is a lot of playing/writing/acting/art -I realise I do like to dress up a lot but it all stems from something really important going on within myself rather than following a script. So do many actors- they have to perform (to a script) but maybe some improvise and I'm sure a lot don't like what they are doing... Do they have DID or a skill? Is DID a disorder, a life saving skill or just a term that has very little meaning and that people created themselves when it comes to categorising people who seem different, complex and have a horrible childhood? :dunno:

    I can relate to this- when I'm terrified and in pain I hear something screaming inside all the time screaming anger and pain. Do I have DID or MPD? Nobody knows. Isn't it natural to do this when you're being threatened? Scream in anger and pain?

    I mean, what would the diagnoses of DID actually do in helping you in therapy? Would it change anything? Maybe what's happening in your therapy sessions are most important? I suppose these are the questions your therapist is telling you too. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2009
  4. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    could be fragmentatin ggg not did? both are coping mechanisms associated with trauma
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    :dunno: they all seem the same to me- fragmenting is DID, where the whole is split cos of trauma and continues to split until trauma stops, as far as I can remember, and anyway the sources I read are so varied and different and my therapist doesn't want me looking anything up cos she doesn't want it effecting what's developing as she doesn't work in the psychiatric field and doesn't agree with the diagnoses of 'DID'.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2009
  6. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    no fragmenting is usualy not quite as extreme as did.. like inner child work, works with fragments. hard to explain. fragmented aspects are all part of the whole.. in did you have the seperate distinct people. with fragmentation they wil all share your name etc but be diff ages tc
  7. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    There is a lot of contreversy concerning DID, including doubts of its actual existence. Many psychologists believe it is not a legitimate pathalogical disorder but rather a coping method brought on by trauma.

    It could also be one of these three alternatives, which are part of the same category of disorder:

    Depersonalization disorder:
    Periods of detachment from self or surrounding which may be experienced as "unreal" (lacking in control of or "outside of" self) while retaining awareness that this is only a feeling and not a reality

    Dissociative amnesia:
    Noticeable impairment of recall resulting from emotional trauma

    Dissociative fugue:
    Physical desertion of familiar surroundings and experience of impaired recall of the past. This may lead to confusion about actual identity and the assumption of a new identity.

    Your best bet is to talk to your therapist, and perhaps another expert, given the professional disgreement on this subject. Good luck!
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    yeah there's lot of debate around this.

    i don't think having distinct people/characters are more extreme than fragmenting into different ages, and that these two are mutually exclusive. and as far as i've read psychiatric DID comes from fragmenting into separate distinct people and that these people are manifestations of emotions/people/characters to cope in response to traumas in the past or present, and these may or may not appear to be from different ages- but everyone lives in time. all identities will have a history in how they come about and will evolve and be different in age? i don't know as i don't speak for all people with "DID." my counsellor just wants me to stay away from psychiatric terms and labelling.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2009
  9. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    Thanks so much! I feel better even if I'm still not sure what to call it - guess it doesn't matter. :hug:

    I do appreciate the conversation on the subject. My therapist wanted me to list out the differing reactions from each of the "pieces" as I have entered them into my journal for the last few years...It was fascinating to see all together in one spot. 14 different, consistent ways of dealing with life :blink:

    From what I have read there is a wide range of "separateness" from the co-conscious fragmentation to the extreme mega shifts so well known and dramatic. Alot of people with dissociative problems don't know that they have it; after all, it is a coping/ defense mechanism.

    Whatever it is, I feel better acknowleging all the pieces that I am... which makes no sense, but it does. :wink:

    Thanks again!
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