how do you know if you've recovered from an eating disorder? does anyone feel like you've had this for so long, that it's always under the surface but it changes it's shape? i feel like it doesn't have as strong hold on me, BUT, i think if my weight went too high and i was unhappy, i might be at risk of falling again. i found it has no use for me even when i've been depressed which is a huge change (i can't believe it has happened)- but then again, i wonder if my weight went up a lot, how i would react. i'm about 4 lbs heavier, which is a lot for me, than i used to and i've responded to that really interestingly- in that, i enjoyed feeling softer etc and i haven't been getting panic attacks about clothes. i look at food as something that nourishes me and i don't obssess about it.. i haven't ever been on a 'recovery programme' or anything, i just found, my eating disorder doesn't help and i'm trying to figure out how i've managed to get to this stage. i'd never expect it to happen to me and i didn't force myself to 'get better' or anything- could it be that something deep within me, has healed?