How do you learn to forgive?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by DarnTired, Aug 16, 2009.

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  1. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    I don't pray very often and when I do, it's usually for strength (or that my unemployment check arrives) but last night was different. I had a bad day yesterday and as I lay in bed to sleep, I found myself thinking of all the things I hated and how angry it made me. I then realized that I was turning into a bitter person (I once worked for a very bitter man for 5 years and swore I wouldn't become like that). I realized that I had to forgive: forgive myself for all the stupid and disappointing things I've done and forgive everyone who'd ever hurt me.

    That's very easy to say, of course. I prayed that I could somehow learn to forgive.

    Just how does one forgive, especially oneself.
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    for some it takes time, others empathy. but a few can never forgive. its just not in them
  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    i guess its acceptance - of the things u cant change.. knowing when u can change them .. and somehow working out the difference..

    on the lines of the serenity saying in the aa i think :unsure:

    take care :hug:
  4. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

  5. Madison_Rose

    Madison_Rose Active Member

    If I ever find out, I'll let you know.

    Understanding helps - truly understanding why somebody did something that hurt you, seeing it from their point of view.
  6. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    Well personally I don't have "forgive and forget" in my system, however I think this is due to my stubbornness and inability to move on.
    As already stated, you have to be understanding of the people that have hurt you and have a good perspective on things, you also must move on and think of it as a "learning experience", cos once you've experienced how someone has hurt you, you will be able to resist or prevent from being hurt the next time, because you know what to do if faced with that problem.
    However, for me, I'm way too calculating so this does not conform to my personality.
    For you though, I'm sure there's hope, be well.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Somethings are not meant to be forgiven somethings are beyond that so don't even think that way. The abuser never deserves this from anyone never.
  8. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    Forgiving myself is the toughest. I think the only way to do it is to try and forgive others and to accepts what's past. Not easy, but it's worth trying.
  9. adalana

    adalana Member

    sometimes i can forgive myself after a severe strugle.

    but sometimes when my day is so ruin, when the night come, and i want to sleep, that memory just suddenly poping up again, it really makes me angry once again, and starting to strugle again to forgive myself

    that situation is kind of rhytme to me, it happens a lot, and i'm tired of strugling to forgive myseld again and again, its just like a never ending sadness

    maybe i should get some hynotized therapy, to delete some unused memory that sucking my blood all the time

    the question is, is there some hhynotize therapy that can delete some of memory, and if there is one, is it really work permanently?

  10. klodo

    klodo Well-Known Member

    I can forgive alot but not treachery. I have very little forgiveness for the behaviour of my family towards me when I needed help the most or some of the people especially the manager I used to work with during my last months of work.If I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now I would probably attack him.
  11. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I can no longer forgive. Especially myself. I feel I am doomed to hell for the way I am and the way I've acted. I just don't care anymore. Burning in hell dosn't scare me since I'm already living in hell.
  12. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    It is possible to learn to forgive. If you pray I will assume you believe in God. The way to forgive someone, including yourself, is to remember that every soul has worth in the sight of God. He loves us, every one. God would not condemn us if we did not condemn ourselves. I like to tell people, "Be nice to me, God is not done with me yet."

    Matthew 6:14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Father in Heaven will also forgive you.

    I wish you well. I pray you learn to love yourself as God does.
  13. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    I think it's great that you pray & have a faith.
    God knows that forgiveness somewhat goes against our natural lust for revenge/payback. It's the human condition. In my own experience, I wanted to inflict at least some of the hurt/anger/pain I'd gone through on those whom I blamed for my life situation. Whilst I don't think forgiveness as a whole can be learned (I think it comes through grace & is somewhat of a mystery), I do think we can learn to see things from the other persons perspective, and learn to recognise that the other person is a composite of their own life experiences, particularly childhood. Our Western society is rampant with family breakdown and family dysfunction, consequently, our culture is comprised of many individuals who, because they literally know no better, kind of spew out the inner pain & turmoil of their own life on those around them.
    As the Lords prayer says: Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

    Forgiveness isn't easy - it wouldn't be worth much if it was.
    Excellent thread. All the best.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2009
  14. DarnTired

    DarnTired Antiquitie's Friend

    Lately, whenever I get a flash on some past painful event and I feel like gnashing my teeth, I've been forcing myself to say "I accept it". It helps a bit.
  15. Madison_Rose

    Madison_Rose Active Member

    Personally, I want to forgive for my own sake - it's not good to feel bitter and resentful.
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