How do you let go of the past?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by friendless, Dec 29, 2009.

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  1. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    My husband recently told me that I relive past injuries inflicted by others so I can gather up ammunition in case it happens again. Example: someone insults you and you brood over it and think up ways to retaliate. The problem is that I just carry around these attitudes and potential insults and retributions in my head without using them and they poison the way I perceive the world and others. It's scary how well he knows me.

    My motto has become, 'if you expect people to be stupid and shitty you will never be disappointed.'

    How do I get over this?
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It takes time to get over this because you will need to train yourself not to. Start by keeping a journal of how much it happens and what is happening in your life when it happens.

    After awhile (3 to 6 months) you will see a pattern. You will see your triggers. When you have a potential trigger after that you can tell yourself you are changing your response.

    New responses that are healthier for you are positive statements. It takes a little time to find the positive sometimes but it's worth it. Write them down in your journal.

    You may want to see a therapist to guide you through this process.

  3. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    I've been through years of therapy and meds and it's helped to a point but I think it's time to do some deep soul searching on my own. I think part of my problem is that when things happen that set me off, I'm too polite to stand up for myself and I don't want to offend others OR I let it happen and tell myself that I'll just let it go but I won't.

    I've tried to alter my motto to "expect people to be shitty but always give them the chance to redeem themselves." It's a start but it's still been pretty hard to look on the bright side. I think the other part of my problem is that I do my best to be a good person and expect others to at least be polite so when people are cruel it's not just that they've been cruel, they've let me down.

    God, I sound so neurotic.

    I will try what you suggested, thank you.

  4. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    I am in interestingly similar situation, although I find myself unable to actually work on it, for it requires too much effort. What I have done, however, is to be subtly rude. People are, as you may have noticed, idiots, so they will more often than not not "get it". This will leave them confused, and they will stop insulting you eventually, because it stops being "fun" when they do not even understand the reply.

    Also, to "let go", keep yourself busy. I, for an example, try to be doing 3+ things at the same time to keep my mind from wandering off and reliving these things.
  5. friendless

    friendless Well-Known Member

    I keep telling myself that I should just say what I'm really thinking no matter how rude because being nice has never gotten me anywhere (it certainly hasn't won me any friends) but i still can't grow the balls to just do it. I can't get past the idea that being rude back, though justified as retaliation, makes one just as rude as the offending party.

    I guess I'm just lame. Doomed to be lame. A lame doormat.
  6. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't say you are lame. Merely a person who doesn't know how to change, how to alter the behavior that kept you going so long.

    I don't think its ever wise to go the "forget" route, but you can still remember those incidents as warnings for the future.

    However, what struck me about your post was the "ammunition". Perhaps instead of using that "ammunition" as a way to inflict pain about others, why don't you devote that energy and those thought processes to something more productive? Maybe when you get that rush of thoughts and emotions, you go and exercise, or bring out something else to distract you.

    Hope that helps :)
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