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How do you make friends

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Dismas, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. Dismas

    Dismas New Member

    I'm almost 21 and I still don't know.

    The closest thing I've ever had to friends are my brother's friends, and I don't even hang out with them anymore. I just don't know, I'm pretty friendly with people, and I try to start conversations. Maybe it's just because I'm boring and/or ugly.
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    my only friends are online friends too. still, i question how many of those are actually friends, and how many are just pretending to be.

    hang in their- i am sure you are not boring or ugly. i hope you eventually find some cool people to hang out with
  3. Dismas

    Dismas New Member

    Thanks for the reply.

    I don't even have online friends, ha, how pathetic is that?
  4. Aether

    Aether Well-Known Member

    Until a while ago I`ve had a few friends, but I drove `em away. My only, only friends are online right now.. doubt that`s gonna change anytime soon.
    Anyway, I guess it`s a matter of understanding each other and having common interests/subjects to talk about. I bet you`re not boring NOR ugly, hun. :hug:
  5. dexj36

    dexj36 Member

    It depends on how you define friends.. I thought I had friends until my bf broke up with me. And now not one of them has asked me to be with them to watch the fireworks tonight.

    I have been in my room for a few days now. You really have to fight for yourself on this Earth.

    But it seems like there's a good group of people on here to support each other and be friends.
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm sure you aren't boring or ugly, but I feel the same way about myself. The truth is that lots of people nowadays are shallow or only think of themselves. I've had so many "friends" tell me what I wanted to hear so they could get whatever they wanted from me, then ditch me when the time was most convenient for them. I only have a few friends that really support me pretty much through thick and thin, and they are all online. I happen to have met them all here, and it may not be the same as real life friendship, but you are bound to make some good connections here.
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    you're not pathetic...it's hard to find good friends. I don't really have real life friends I would say, but I am friendly with my neighbor although she's like twice my age...I am trying to find friends that have similar things they like...so I am planning on hanging out at a manga tea place...every two weeks on the same day and time...that way eventually I might make a connection with someone there...

    have any hobbies? maybe you could find friends there? or online, here we're pretty friendly :) or go on a forum where people have similar things they like...what are things you enjoy?
  8. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    I've let a lot of friends fade away, and a lot have just straight up moved away leaving me in a situation where I don't have many good friends anymore other than my brother, and he has his own life. I'm not good at meeting new people. When I do, they usually like me, but my social anxiety and loner behavior has long plagued me. I'd just really like one great friend, but they really are a rarity.
  9. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    As far as how to make friends, I'm no expert but I would say don't try too hard but seek out social activities, groups and hobbies where you are forced to interact with people. Try groups that interest you. I know a kid who literally met every friend he has and girlfriend he fell in love with at AA meetings. It's a social setting, and everybody talks and has something in common. Come to think of it support groups are a great place to meet people.
  10. themute

    themute Active Member

    Making friends is so difficult. I've moved a round a lot and now it feels like all the people I could be good friends with aren't interested in being my friend because they already have their friends. I know one person here who I feel like I really connect with but they don't seem that interested in being my friend, they already have their own life and many friends. It's understandable in a lot of ways but it's still hard to deal with. I think volunteering in groups can help, I think I will try that. Right now I volunteer one on one by tutoring English and it's not very social but I find I feel better when I do it. What Big M says actually seems like good advice because you'd be in an environment where people are dealing with the same issues and are more likely to relate to you and understand you. Maybe some kind of group therapy for depression might help? Like a support group? It seems like something I might do as well.
  11. mbczion

    mbczion Well-Known Member

    IMO, the best way to make friends is to go out and do things you like with people. Whether it is playing pick up sports, joining a book club, or if you are affiliated with a religion attending a weekly service/meeting. When you do things with people you start talking, talking turns into small talk, which turns into invites to each other's homes, you find yourselves spending more time with each other and it takes off.

    In a nutshell, put yourself out there. I have always been the shy type myself, but I had no trouble joining pick up sports and ended up making friends that way (the way I described above).

    Don't sell yourself short.
  12. Big M

    Big M Well-Known Member

    Yeah there's tons of depression support groups out there, I should get back into one myself.
  13. 2old2beThisConfused

    2old2beThisConfused New Member

    When I was growing up, I remember my mother always saying "If you want to have a friend, be a friend." So throughout my life have always tried to be the kind of friend I would like to have. As a result I have ... memories of quite a few people gladly using me for whatever they could get and then moving on. People always interpret kindness and generosity as weakness and desperation. My latest "best friend" (and roommate) - I met him in a detox seven years ago (we're both in 12-step recovery) - opened my home to him when he was homeless, helped get him on a methadone clinic, let him live rent free for years, and have generally "helped" more than anyone I've ever known (and I'm almost 60) is ditching me and moving out to live with a girl he met ... THREE WEEKS AGO. I'm being left in a financial and emotional "lurch" and he's slamming me because I'm not "happy" for him that he's finally met someone he "likes." I guess if I wasn't suicidal over the loss of what is probably the significant male relationship of my entire life (I'm gay) I'd find it in my heart to be happy for him but ... I am (suicidal) and I can't (be happy for him.)

    So, as far a making friends ... I'd like to know myself because at this point, I feel like I've never really had one.