How do you make friends?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by will_1957, Jun 27, 2010.

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  1. will_1957

    will_1957 Well-Known Member

    I honestly don't know how to make friends. I lack any idea as to how some one would become friends with another person. It's been so long since I've really connected with people.

    I was wondering if any one had any advice for someone who has very few social skills and who mostly runs away from the thought of socializing.
  2. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Do you go to school or work? Try Volonteer works, you will meet people. Going to the gym is a good options.
  3. starbox

    starbox Member

    youre not alone. i find whatever i join- a new workplace, a church, an organisation, the best i get is a few polite words, then everyone goes off into their own little cliques and i'm sat there on my own. so i usually stay home.its too depressing and demoralising when youre stood up by friends you arranged to meet .
  4. someone uk

    someone uk Well-Known Member

    i find organised activities are the best place to meet friends
    could be sports, marshal arts, book club...just anything where there is a bunch of people with a common interest
    i found jui jitsu effective myself
    just look for something like that it doesn't have to be marshal arts
  5. will_1957

    will_1957 Well-Known Member

    I graduated from school. I really squandered a lot of chances to socialize while I went to school and now it's a lot harder to meet people my age.

    I work retail. There's a lot of turnover. A couple of people I might have gotten a long with have left before I got to know them. Some people there try to start conversations but I usually come off as either too timid or stuck up. There's a girl I sort of like there but she's so far out of my league that it's not even funny.

    I volunteer at a community mental health agency but I haven't really hit it off with the people there where I'm friends with any one.
  6. starbox

    starbox Member

    i know that the received wisdom is 'join a club' but while youll MEET people it doesnt necessarily mean youll make friends. i started doing voluntary work in a charity shop after i got laid off but the other volunteers didnt want someone new muscling in on their shop so i quit & felt worse than ever.
  7. Sonoran

    Sonoran Active Member

    I tend to make friends accidentally while participating in activities I enjoy. I think it is easier to talk to people when I have something in common to talk to them about (ie- the activity we are both participating in).
  8. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    I've had mine for so long, I don't remember
  9. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Go up to them and :poke: them and say "wanna be my friend?" Sorry thats actually what i did in school haha

    But jsut be yourself and your golden :D
  10. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Finding common ground is key, find out what people interests are whether it is music, sport, sacrificing lambs in basements whatever floats there boats, but seriously. Me I tend to make people laugh, and just talk random until they either like me or run away.......I really do not have many friends:i'm sorry:
  11. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I tend to pick up on common things.
    The world cup, what's going on in the news/current affairs, what's big on TV at the moment etc. etc.

    I was at a houseparty on Friday night and the conversations I walked into were ALL about those things, there were people talking about work in one corner, people talking about the show Spartacus: Blood and Sand in another, some were talking about the budget cuts that are going on in the UK right now, others were discussing racism in Australia etc.
    I think sometimes it can help to educate yourself also, if you know a little about a lot then you can never be caught out when it comes to conversations.
    Also the fact that you work in retail can be a great place to practice small talk. Customer service is really ALL about small talk, just try and start random conversations whenever you go throughout the store. It's not as if anyone will think you are weird because you're a Sales Advisor and that's kinda what you're meant to do :)
  12. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Forgot to add once you feel a little more comfortable making small talk you could try various friend making websites to see if people maybe wanna meet up for a drink or to see a band or whatever. Maybe the first time you get together make it with 3 or 4 people so there are others to hold up the conversation if you feel you can't at first. Eventually you'll all become comfortable with each other and you'd be surprised just how many people there are in your situation.
    I've been so surprised how many people in their 20s, 30s + who say since leaving school/college find it difficult to make friends now they're adults.
  13. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am in the same boat. I cannot make friends in real life. I can make friends on the net, however, most live far far away. Like everyone said join a club or a charity. Really you just have to go out there and do it.

    I find I am shy so that makes things harder. Common ground is key though. In school we had it easy. Everyone was interested in the classes they were taking. I agree with AGA you work in retail so it is a good chance to practice. Get to know the regular customers they can be your friends.

    If you have any siblings see if you can spend time with them And their friends. I don't know I am socially retarded as well.
  14. plates

    plates Well-Known Member


    I'd just start a conversation 'bout mostly anything. I'd encourage them with whatever they were doing and ask them "Do you like it here?" I remember that was one of the most bonding questions with my friends. When I think back, a lot of people took to me because I showed so much interest in their home countries and the stories they had.
  15. will_1957

    will_1957 Well-Known Member

    I am incredibly bad at small talk. I am so out of the loop as far as what people talk about that I feel incredibly isolated from others. I don't keep up on current events because a lot of the time it gets me so depressed that it's a trigger. I don't watch sports and have never been interested in them. I don't watch tv at all. I rarely watch the kinds of movies that people talk about. My musical taste isn't too obscure but most people wouldn't really know the bands I like unless they ran in certain social circles. I read a lot but it's all subjects that most people could care less about.

    I'm a cashier, not a sales person. I work at Walmart and so I get a lot of really pissy customers. Most people seem to just want the fastest service so they can get the hell out of the store. Most of my customers are in Middle Age or are Seniors. I very rarely encounter people my own age and those are probably the only people I'd have anything in common with.
    As far as making small talk, that store is so anxiety-provoking for me that I'm never comfortable just dealing with customers there now (just saying Hi, checking them out, saying thank you and have a nice day is hard to manage sometimes).
  16. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    Sorry for not giving a straight answer to your question, but rather than start another thread i'd just make my post here as I am in a similar situation as yours. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, in the lack of social skills kind of way. graduate also working in a retailer. I probably have less anxiety than you, and I have a couple friends i hang out with nearly once a week. but every other day makes me realize how friendless I am. I don't even have a buddy to go to watch Toy Story 3 with.

    Making friends is hard, especially if you're not use to socializing, as I am (I also don't watch sports or tv, I don't even read). A good starting tool though is Facebook. Try to reconnect with any ex-classmates, people in your workplace. Sometimes speaking your mind online is easier than it would be offline, and just work out the kinks from there...
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