I'm new to this thread and was hoping someone might have some advice for me. My brother completed his suicide four months ago and I was the one who found him. Thankfully he was cut down by the police before any of my other family saw this horrific sight. However, I'm the only left to deal with these images. When I first saw him my natural instincts of being strong to support everyone else kicked in because I knew I had a huge task ahead of me. I was the one who had to tell his wife, 4 children, my father and his girlfriend, my closest aunt and uncle and then had to inform my mother, my stepfather and my son. I knew I had to hold it together to tell all these people and to support them and hold them up through all of this. However, I repeatedly told myself, this isn't real, its only a dream. I made sure I put those thoughts deep in me to get through. But, it backfired and now I don't know how to make sense of what I saw and have had to deal with. My family has been in a whirlwind of trauma since then and I'm still staying strong but know I need to dislodge these emotions I've buried. I keep questioning how could this be reality that he is truly gone and that was I saw is indeed very much real. It perplexes me and when I try to make sense of it, I go numb and attach no emotion to it. If anyone can give me advice on how to make these feelings come to the surface so I can sort them out, I'd really appreciate it. And, yes I've considered counseling but chances of me finding a counselor that has actually gone throught the same situation is slim.