How do you make it real?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by me2you24, Jan 5, 2007.

  1. me2you24

    me2you24 Member

    I'm new to this thread and was hoping someone might have some advice for me. My brother completed his suicide four months ago and I was the one who found him. Thankfully he was cut down by the police before any of my other family saw this horrific sight. However, I'm the only left to deal with these images. When I first saw him my natural instincts of being strong to support everyone else kicked in because I knew I had a huge task ahead of me. I was the one who had to tell his wife, 4 children, my father and his girlfriend, my closest aunt and uncle and then had to inform my mother, my stepfather and my son. I knew I had to hold it together to tell all these people and to support them and hold them up through all of this. However, I repeatedly told myself, this isn't real, its only a dream. I made sure I put those thoughts deep in me to get through. But, it backfired and now I don't know how to make sense of what I saw and have had to deal with. My family has been in a whirlwind of trauma since then and I'm still staying strong but know I need to dislodge these emotions I've buried. I keep questioning how could this be reality that he is truly gone and that was I saw is indeed very much real. It perplexes me and when I try to make sense of it, I go numb and attach no emotion to it. If anyone can give me advice on how to make these feelings come to the surface so I can sort them out, I'd really appreciate it. And, yes I've considered counseling but chances of me finding a counselor that has actually gone throught the same situation is slim.
  2. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    I'm not sure. I go for walks a lot. I've cried for the first time in years. Sometimes, I want to run and scream. I already have a hardened view of the world, but her suicide still shakes me up. It's not just sad, it's horrific. I didn't see it and it was just an overdose, but it's horrific.

    Today was a wee bit better.

  3. me2you24

    me2you24 Member

    it doesn't really matter how or if you see it or not.. it still shocks and hurts that same...

    although i'm not one to talk because i struggle with this myself, but i do know when you have that hardened view of the world it makes it harder for God (or whatever you may call it, Creator, Nature, Universe) to work his mini miracles through us... so if you can ease up on your view and focus on seeing the good in life.. when you focus on the good, it will breed more.. thanks for replying to me back, it reminded me of something i need to work on today for myself ... i certainly wish you well Lonz.. i hope tomorrow is even a wee bit more better than today and that it keeps improving for you...
  4. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum me2you.
    A counsellor would be a good idea, especially if you were the one to find him. Its not finding a counsellor that has been through the same thing, because I wont lie and say that there is a high chance of that, but its to find someone that can help you through this and someone you can talk to. Counsellors would have read about things like this, and they might understand. Just because they havent been through the same experience doesnt mean that they cant help =) I suggest you give seeing someone a go, see how it goes, then decide if you want to keep seeing them or not.. Good luck, hope you can find the help you need =)

    Take care, Allo _%
  5. me2you24

    me2you24 Member

    thanks Allo.. i've been seriously considering it for the past 2 months... i just haven't brought myself to make the phone call yet.. but i'll know when the time is right for me to seek guidance from a counselor.. i know myself and my brain quite well and what i can and can't handle on my own, this one just baffles me more than anything i've encountered
  6. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    And I can imagine it would.. Just follow your heart and do the right thing, stay strong for yourself, but dont block out what you feel.

    Goodluck, Allo _%
  7. Matty321

    Matty321 Well-Known Member

    My brother commited suicide last summer...

    I'm not sure what exactly you're feeling, here but I'm in i for the long haul if you want a new friend.

    I never ever do this, haven't played online in years, so this comes from a super genuine place. I know your position at least a bit.

    But I've been in the whirlwind of trauma that your family's in. I can do what you're doing and block it out some days, but others I'm wreckage.

    So you think you're a little numb because you went inside yourself and built quick walls of denial to help get your family through?

    I use the denial as a tool sometimes. I don't get stuck in it, though. It's so tremendous a load, it naturally crashes in on me all by itself and I bet yours will too, we just all grieve differently.

    I wondered if anyone in here lost a BROTHER. I was very close to my bro.

    How old are you and how old was your bro? When did you lose him?

  8. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew the answers....I really do....
    It hurts so bad....I dont know how to accept it either :(