How do you make it stop?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by na-taya, Aug 20, 2016.

  1. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Im feeling so many things at once
    yet at the same time
    i feel so empty
    ans nothing at the same time

    Happy, Sad, angry, frustrated, beauty, ugly,peace,mess

    everything all of it.
    i need it to stop.
    I can stop me.......

    but thats not the 'right' thing to do, i know i would hurt people, but dont they understand im in just as much hurt living. i would never with this pin on anyone and i know i would pass it on if i was to end but i just dont know how much longer that can be enough for............

    ive just had enough.
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    One thing I have been thinking about recently, in my more lucid moments, is, how do any of us know that things will be any better in death than they are in life? I mean, I know the possibilities are just about infinite and its a very hypothetical question, but its there to be asked and I dont really know the answer.

    If I died tomorrow, I know I would leave a partner, a son and a granddaughter in saddness, plus other blood relatives. They say they love me and I believe them. But on the other side, there may not be anyone there to love me. I might feel the same pain I feel now, but without any love at all. Is that any better than what I have now?

    At times I just want to give up, throw the towel in and say enough is enough. Shit, I have done that twice already. The first time I was clinically dead but revived. There was nothing, just nothing. Empty, dark void full of nothing. Would I enjoy being conscious of there being just nothing for however long? No. That might well not be the end of the journey, only the beginning, but how long for, 51 years, the same as I have been alive? 51 years of nothing but sadness and pain and sorrow, devoid of love? Its possible.

    Of course, it is also possible that the journey leads us to nirvana and we are surrounded by love, by the souls of those we know, and its all great. Its what is known as a even money bet, 50/50 and to be honest, being a gambling man, you dont make profit from bets like that, so I dont like the odds. I prefer the odds in my favour. When my time is here, I have no choice, I will die, but right here, right now, I have a choice and I choose life with all the pain, the suicidal ideations, the depression and anxiety, I still choose life because the odds are more in my favour in life than they are in death.
  3. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    Sorry I don't have many words right now.

    I guess I'm just not that strong.
  4. bobbob

    bobbob Well-Known Member

    Im not good on words atm. But just wanted to send all my best wishes. I understand the need to escape the pain but I also think that pain can end in time and things can get better. Please look after yourself and do what you can to build a happier future.