How do you move forward if you don't want a future?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by me84, Mar 26, 2014.

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  1. me84

    me84 Active Member

    I was diagnosed with PTSD, panic attacks, anxiety attacks. I was sexually abused as a child , mentally and physically abused from age13-18 and raped by a friend at 25. I feel like there should be nothing left to fear, the major damage that can be done already has. Yet every day I find myself longing to die. I can't stop the never ending anxiety from triggers thatseem to flood my body like with another painful reminder that my mind and body doesn't know how to cope. I feel no one will understand what im going through, its a struggle to keep holding on. I have emotionally moved to the point of no longer fearing death. Everyone tells me it will get better, but what if there is nothing to want in life anymore? How do you look forward when you no longer see a path?
     
  2. domfirlotte

    domfirlotte New Member

    Sometimes those paths are harder for some to see. They are still there, I can guarantee you they are, but we're just a little blind to them. And it's easy to get frustrated when the efforts you make to see good aren't giving results--but you can't stop trying. I don't know you but I know you're amazing. Maybe you feel a little damaged but I can promise you, you look beautiful when you smile; even more if you can get out a laugh or a giggle. It's a small start but push through. You are worth it.
     
  3. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    You wont want a future until you feel better. You can turn the corner. Its hell in the hallway but there is always a window somewhere.
     
  4. AnaNg

    AnaNg Antiquities Friend

    I agree with jnick. It's very hard to want a future when you are hurting so much and struggling so much. All that pain and trauma keeps you from seeing the path ahead of you. The path is there, but in order to see it, you need help. You mentioned that you'd been diagnosed with PTSD and that you suffer with panic and anxiety attacks. Those are things that can get better. I don't know if you're seeing a therapist right now, but if not, I think you might benefit from talking to one. It won't fix everything and it may not even feel like it's helping in the beginning, but if you stick with it, it really can help.

    One avenue you might pursue is a treatment called EMDR. It was designed especially for people who have experienced trauma and are suffering with PTSD. If you already have a therapist, talk to him or her about it. It does take special training for the therapist, so you might need a referral, but there have been numerous people with very severe PTSD who have greatly benefited from it. It is a way to help your brain do what it wanted to do all along when you were going through your traumas in your teen years and at age 25 and that's process them in such a way that you can work through them and move on with your life. In other words, so you can see the path. When we have a significant trauma (or even a whole bunch of little ones), it can happen that the brain gets overloaded and just doesn't properly process the traumas, so when we try to move on with life, we find ourselves stuck in the traumas of the past and reliving those moments via nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, severe anxiety, depression, etc. The reason I say "we" is because I've been through my own special traumas that have greatly affected me. I started EMDR therapy a few weeks ago and it is amazing how much insight it's already given me and I've not even begun the re-processing phase. EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It uses bilateral stimulation of the brain combined with talking through the traumas and emotions of those traumas to help the brain reprocess so that you can move forward and past the trauma.

    Please hang in there and come here as often as you need to talk about stuff or just whenever. This place is a great support for all kinds of things and the folks here are great. ((((hugs))))

    ~Ana
     
  5. whoamiboo

    whoamiboo Active Member

    I agree with Ana on this. You need to seek medical attention if you have not already. There are many medicines out there for you if you are suffering. No one needs to suffer. A good therapist can help you along they way. PTSD is tough on one's mind both physically and mentally. I can relate to that. I have it also. But I am on meds for it and my bi-polar disorder. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful therapist that has helped me through my tough times.
     
  6. me84

    me84 Active Member

    You guys have no idea what it means to me that you listened, didn't judge and just wanted to help, I tried a few therapists and none seem to help. I confided with my last theripist that self harm just didn't seem to make the pain go away and I feel the next step is going to be my last. I did not tell her for pitty, I know it was just the honest truth. She looked me in the eyes and said "well do what you have to do." Im so afraid to go to yet another person that just considers my honesty as a joke or bluff. Im trying so hard to hold on for my mom but the anger and pain is getting worse I can barely make it through 12 hours without thinking of stopping it all.
     
  7. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I can sympathize, especially with the never ending anxiety, I go through them everyday, it is like constant anxiety 24/7 and it turned into depression in my case or the other way around. You are not alone. I think about death everyday because I don't want to live like this everyday.
     
  8. faithgone

    faithgone Member

    Unfortunately there are therapists out there who won't react in a helpful way when you say you want to hurt yourself. I've had it happen to me several times. I just had to keep saying it until somebody listened. It is hard to keep moving forward when you're afraid the past will repeat itself, but eventually there'll be someone who cares and who will help you. It is hard moving forward when you can't see where you're going, but if you can't see where you're going, just put one foot in front of the other and you're going somewhere.
     
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