How do you put it or them behind you?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ipse_Dixit, Jul 12, 2007.

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  1. Ipse_Dixit

    Ipse_Dixit Well-Known Member

    I was injured severely by someone who knew my vulnerablities like no one else (my former therapist)...because all through my life people have abandoned me without explanation and this therapist abandoned me without explanation, even knowing I was hospitalized being suicidal and let me go on believing it was my fault and that I am "shit" and should be dead. She did nothing to help...after 3 years of only caring, for her to turn on me like this was completely devasting. To make it worse, even though she officially stated in her termination letter she would be avaiable for emergencies, she had an injuction filed with the courts to keep me from contacting her!! that adds insult to injury, making me "officially" bad for asking for help when I am suicidal. Thus, in a way, since she refused to help me when i was suicidal, she might as well have just said "Hey, i want you to die!!!".

    How do I put this person behind me? Every time I think about her, and what she did, I just want to die all over again. I'm still actually planning on dying, but there are many reasons for me dying, not just her. (I promised myself I would kill myself. It was a serious promise too, because so many promises have been broken in my life that I didn't take this promise lightly, because I didn't want to break promises with myself.) It will literally take a miracle to keep me alive now.

    but i dont' know. how do i put "her" behind me, how do I not think about her, when i'm in a city that is "infused" with her?
  2. SoHappyItHurts

    SoHappyItHurts Well-Known Member

    One strategy with any obsessive, ruminative, or intrusive thinking is behavior therapy, e.g. being active, staying busy, spending more time with friends, engaging in new routines and interests, learning new things, exercising more, going out more, etc. Basically, focusing more on actions than thoughts.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2007
  3. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I agree with the former poster. I tend to obsess over things too. Not the same things as you but the behavior is still similar. I find that the more time that passes between the thing or event that I'm obsessing over, the less it bothers me. In other words, it tends to get easier over time. You just have to make it past the initial stages.

    And finding something to take your mind off of it really does seem to help. I clean when I want to get my mind off things. Whatever tends to help you. It might not be cleaning.
  4. rwillson

    rwillson Well-Known Member

    i tend to disagree, there are some things that seem impossible to put behind, to let go of. all the activities in the world that are meant to distract one from past painful experiences don't always work. as for my self, i can be caught up in something and the smallest, unexpected thing can take me away from the moment and put back where it hurts. every day little things, a color, a passing glance, a smell, even something as innocent as the passing of a minute can do it. a unless someone is planning on doping me up on Haladol 24/7 in a quiet room, nothing will change it...

  5. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    To add a little more to what I said before, it does take time. Things loom when you're close to them and can appear larger than they actually are in the grand scheme. Giving these events a chance to dissolve a little in the winds of time may lessen the burden considerably. I usually find that things are not as big a deal as they may at first seem.

    It could be that this particular therapist felt that she wasn't helping you. Just because she's a therapist doesn't mean she has all the answers. Some are better suited to helping certain people than others.
  6. Ipse_Dixit

    Ipse_Dixit Well-Known Member

    she more than just ended the therapy....she refused to tell me why and when i asked her and even ended up in the hospital and still tried to get her to tell me why...she filed a "no contact order" (the day after i was in the hospital).

    so even the therapist who i worked with for 3 years, who gave me the best care i've ever had in therapy turned around and left so abruptly, without explanation...and even after i told her i was blaming myself and wanting to die, she remained silent.

    ...and i told her through therapy that i feared she would abandon me and hurt me...and that i feared i would drain her like i drain everyone else.............and she told me repeatedly i was wrong and that she was a professional.........but in the end she realized i was right and i did drain her like the parasite that i much that she had to BOLT from me as fast as possible, without telling me why.....

    ...she realized that my only option is death...but couldn't admit it to me
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2007
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