to friends who you don't want to know you are going to do yourself in? you want to let them know they've been a good friend to you and that you didn't do it to piss them off or to hurt them or to do anything but to stop the pain you feel inside that they couldn't and they can't possibly fix and inside they know it? you just want to say thanks for being a friend when you needed one and someone you know who genuinely cared about you but don't want to say hey i'll be dead in a few days and just want to let you knowyou meant the world to me and there's nothing you could have done to change things from happening they needed to be this way i've finished the fight and want to go home to be with god. i know i'd want someone to tell me this is they were going to exit but i know i can't unless i was to be discovered and meddlers would meddle and i would be even worse or and seen as mentally unstable and we aren't you know, we really aren't. sometimes i think we are the only realistic people on earth not going la di da everythign is happy in munchkin land cause it fuckin ain't. don't want to hurt anyone and having them know i cared and loved them might make it easier because then you aren't left with the why why why did they do this is they cared didn't i mean anythign to them and they did but i have fought and fought and fought again and even in war you eventually get killed if you are in the line of fire once too often. it's my time to go and i'm ready. scared but ready.