How do you stop hating?

[Pebbles1726]

9 months ago I moved into a house while I was studying for my degree, the landlord saw me as female I was living full time at that point so it was all good. for awhile

But basically the landlord who was living with us learned about my past by finding an old document with my old male name signed on it. I had to explain my past to him. He was a devout christian.

Needless to say from that point on he made my life hell... I could go into the specifics of what he did but I will just rage and rant if I do. (it was bad but not as bad as of the troubles alot of you have experienced)

After I finally got away from that nightmare I was full of alot of self hate and I felt a terrible fear of Christians. That they might all do the same if they found out.

In order to try and overcome my fear I visited several of there church groups and seminars ect I'm an atheist I have no interest in converting but my objective was to humanize them in my mind. That i'd just encountered a few outspoken loonies
This was a bad idea as those groups by in large defended the actions of my attacker I had the same biblical scripture recanted to me that he did on why I was evil.
This caused my fear to grow and be merged into a hatred for all Christians I can't help it when I hear them speak I just re-live what that fat man did to me.

Either I hate myself... Or I hate others... I don't want to be so angry anymore it makes me so tired and untrusting all the time feeling that anyone could suddenly turn if they know the truth about me and my past.

I'd thought I ask you people do you know howto get over it.
It suggests "forgive" but I have every right to think my nightmare will just repeat itself if I do so I can't let go. Even when complete strangers tell me that they are christian and don't think like that I just innately mistrust them and don't believe anything they say.

 

[aoeu]

Unfortunately, many Christian groups are hateful. And many aren't but seem that way - the most hateful people are often the most outspoken. You probably always received the minority opinion.

It's a goddamn shame because Christ preached love. I would believe that Christians who believe evil was done TO you are the majority. But I'm naive sometimes...

I don't know how to stop hating. I've never hated, fortunately. The best I can suggest is to just not deal with it, until you forget... There's also the option of going through Christ's teachings, finding the many, many passages that support tolerance and non-judgmentality, assembling them all in a nice passive-aggressive letter and sending them to the landlord. He'll probably ignore it, but you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you showed him to be a hypocrite, even if he doesn't acknowledge it.

 

[Sapphire]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I guess it's just going to take time before you can let these bad feelings go. Also, I don't think you have to forgive before you can stop hating.