How do you stop yourself from feeling jealous?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by anarulesmenow, Jan 11, 2011.

  1. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    I'm a bisexual girl and there is this girl I really like, stuff's been happening for the past two months but we're not together or anything yet and we haven't had a chance to see each other in person for a bit because of the holidays and that.
    Anyway one of my guy friends used to like me a lot and we had a bit of a thing before I met this girl but it never really turned into anything and I'm glad to be honest.
    Last night he randomly added her on facebook from my profile and I know he's only done it to try and score (doesn't it just annoy you when people do random adds to try and get a shag?) with her. And she accepted for some reason, despite the fact she keeps her profile really really private.
    She's pretty much gay and she has done stuff with guys years ago but I don't think she would anymore.
    Yet I still feel really jealous! I was talking to her on her facebook page and I could see that they'd been chatting quite a lot too.
    I know I shouldn't feel jealous because she doesn't really like guys anymore but I still feel like that.

    It's also pretty annoying that I KNOW that he's just trying to score and use her, he does that with a lot of girls and I don't think she realises but it's not like I can just tell her because she'll think I'm jealous (and let's be honest, I am). She doesn't always realise when's she's being taken advantage and she's a bit vulnerable because she's been through some stuff in the past year.
    How do I stop feeling so jealous of this guy?
  2. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    she probably accepted cause one of the friends in common is you, and if i were her i'd probably accept as well, since i wouldnt mind knowing a bit more (from a different source) about the person i like. *shrugs*
    so dont take it is a bad thing.
  3. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    Tell him she is lesbian, and you are in lesbians with each other.
  4. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    I can't tell him that, we're not actually going out, I couldn't just say we're lesbians together like that. I don't think he knows about her sexuality at the mo
  5. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I have no idea but when you figure it out let me know !
  6. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    If your friend is gay he's not going to get in her pants. Simple as that.

    As for the jealousy thing, i have no idea. I struggle with it too.
  7. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I don't think you really can stop it! It is a very strong emotion and still, at 55, I have issues with it. I've tried to reason with myself in some sense that on occasion these feelings are illogical for a variety of reasons. But several months, or even years later, it's still the same.

    One thing I noticed is that the feeling does not seem to last as long as it used to. SO perhaps when I am about 90, it may pass in a matter of seconds.
  8. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    Jealousy is a tough emotion. I've been jealous a whole once in my life. It's a possessive feeling. Not a part of love like most people think. I thought I would experience it when my older sister started dating, but that didn't happen. I do experience it when teenage siblings are flirting with college adults. :mad:

    It numbs over time. Eventually it just passes. It's good that you are not trying anything, but I would warn your friend that he has a crush on her. She can set him straight by telling him of her sexuality herself. Don't go beyond that though. You don't want to end up creating ploys out of jealousy.
  9. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    I think Im just going to have to see how it goes with her, I really like her and there is something between us, she's said she likes me before so I'll just have to see how it goes I suppose. I feel all romantic now haha
  10. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    Ok so theguy asked me out today and I went out but he was talking about other girls a lot on the date and was talking about the girl I like and saying stuff like"Im meeting her on tuesday, Im gonna try and get her drunk and get with her" You dont fucking say that when your on a date with someone else.
    I texted him and asked him not to and he said he wouldnt try anything with her but I cant trust him and I know if shes drunk she might do it. Dunno what to do.
  11. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    Have you thought of warning her? Also, wow. I cannot even make out when I get drunk.
  12. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    If I try and warn her it may sound a little bit weird though
  13. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Better than him doing it and getting away with it. She deserves to know what he's planning on doing. Show her the text if need be, so she knows you aren't just being jealous and crazy.
  14. anarulesmenow

    anarulesmenow Well-Known Member

    She actually said earlier he seems a little creepy but nice. If she brings it up again Ill tell her