How do you tell someone they are addicted to Weed?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Farandaway674, Nov 9, 2013.

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  1. Farandaway674

    Farandaway674 Member

    I am not an addict in the least (unless you count food but that is another thread) Someone very close to me, my mother, has a pretty serious weed addiction/habbit. Truth of the matter I usually don't see weed as to big a deal unlike some American's. To me it is no worse then any alcoholic drink you can find, if not a healthier alternative. All my life my mother has been a smoker I just didn't notice the severity of it till my twenty's (in fact she taught me how to role a joint before I went to college). But I don't know maybe I am just more aware, maybe it has gotten worse, but lately she has been overindulging. First she smokes in front of me and my sisters (were both over 21 but I still feel unconfortable with it), second the amount she smokes is just staggering I would say about $150-$200 dollars a week habit, and lastly she is extremely forgetful for obvious reasons. But the other side of that is 1) when she was younger she smoked probably even more, I am talking 70's till now so this is a life long thing, 2) I really don't know my mother off of weed, she usually has a joint in her hand when I speak to her so I am quiet honestly and selfishly, kind of afraid of what her personality will be when she is off weed, and 3) I am petrified to confront, I am not even fully sure I should. She doesn't take questions like this well and while this is clearly substance abuse, I don't think she is severly hurting herself, I mean in 20year I think weed will be legal in the U.S. But still I would feel more comfortable if she was just a casual user but the amount she smokes is insane,
  2. Yeah it's hard telling how to go about telling your mother she's addicted. I'm in the same boat as you; I don't really believe marijuana to be a harmful drug but from the sounds of it she's going over the top with it. I used to smoke until I got nailed with a drug possession charge and probation so that's definitely a negative to it. I'd use a careful choice of words and kind of subtly hint that she's overindulging. It's ultimately up to you how to go about it but if you think it's harming her memory and finances you should probably find some sort of way to tell her. Sorry I'm not a great help..
  3. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot R2D2

    You can try to talk to her but dont force her, ultimately if she is going to quit its going to be her own decision and thats pretty much it. Also, she most likely will never be able to be just a casual/once in a while user. Just because its not physically addictive like nicotine doesnt mean people can handle it. Most, and I mean MOST hard core stoners either smoke every day or quit for good with no inbetween. I have been there. Once you get that physcological addiction in your brain, most of the time its there for life. I 'only' smoked daily for 5 years but I have realized after many tries that I will never be able to have tho odd smoke. If I do have a joint with a friend one time or something, I know im soon going to be smoking everyday again its inevitable, so I have accepted I can never smoke weed again. For someone smoking that long, Id say there is no chance she will ever be able to moderate, it will be everyday or not at all. I tried the once a week thing it works for a while but after time you realize it doesnt work soon enough I would be back to daily smoking no matter what. But hey, its better than drinking everyday or other drugs.
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Weed - while seemingly mild in comparison to all the rest - is still a drug. Many people who use, are self-medicating, but that doesn't resolve the underlying issues that may have been part of their decision to start. To me, it seems like she's masked a previous issue that she would feel uncomfortable sharing, and while having been on the stuff for so long, it's part of her routine.

    Overall it's her choice - and if she's in denial that there's an issue, then there's an issue. I'd be more tempted to suggest that if she keeps it up she'd be more likely to lose you because you wouldn't want her to have problems with dealers and dodgy substances, and knowing there's nothing you can personally do apart from walk away (very hard when it's someone so close), if it's something you are passionate about, maybe she has to lose to realise what she had.

    You state that you don't know her off the drug, which is a cause for concern. No-one wants to see a family member off the rails, but to me she's been off the rails for 30+ years to have been on a substance that does have side effects. You don't see it as a major issue, but is that more to do with being brought up around it?
  5. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    I don't know if it's the "right" thing to do to tell someone they are addicted to something. Are you sure it's a $100-$200 a week habit? Do you realize how much weed that is? She'd have to be smoking at least 10 joints a day (or wasting it) to get to that amount per week. (This is coming from someone who has had cancer and weed was given to me for medical usage).

    It's only an issue of addiction if one of the following is happening;
    1) She is spending all her money on weed and doesn't have enough to pay the bills.
    2) She gets violent on the drug
    3) She would sell/ pawn things she loves and care about to get the drug.
  6. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot R2D2

    LOL. You dont have to be violent on weed for it to be an 'addiction'. Have you hung around stoners at all? Most wont harm you in anyway but drunk people can sometimes and they may not be addicted just drunk. Terrible definition. Its simple, if its causing problems in her life anyway and she lacks control/moderation over it there is a problem.

    Also, $100 per week on weed is a lot but not uncommon at all. and its definitely less than 10 joints per day to go through that amount unless you roll the smallest joints in the world. I used to go through that amount every week, and i didnt even roll joints, it was all from a bong. If i rolled joints it would have probably been $200 per week easily.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 17, 2013
  7. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member


    Right. How do you know that it's *to much* for her? You don't. I just don't see... unless it's causing harm to other's around her (e.g violent, negotiating responsibilities) , causing her mood to change (e.g violently, depressed.. or whatever) , or causing it so she is late on bills/ can't afford things she needs, and doing everything she can (if she doesn't' have it) it quick get the high. Maybe I'm wrong., but it's my take on the situations.

    - Sea
  8. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot R2D2

    Well I mean too much smoking is subjective, one can do it everyday as I have in the past and say its not a problem but if you think about it why does one feel the need to be high everyday? I bet most if not all dont actually like getting high that often even though they may try to convince themselves and others they actually like getting high everyday but if you really dig deep into the person you will likely find there is either a addiction factor going on OR they are getting high because they are depressed or use it to escape their problems.

    I mean for some rare people maybe smoking it everyday for an antidepressant is better than pharma drugs(which are controversial in themselves-how many people actually should be taking anti depressants?). I know weed just surpressed my sadness in which i didnt really realize how many problems i had until i stopped living in highland and spent some time sober i realized that i did indeed have problems.

    Again ill back to my point earlier a lot of stoners will say they get high everyday because they like it but really i think 98 percent are lying to not only others but to themselves as well. I mean back in my heyday I actually used to convince myself getting high everyday was something I enjoyed! In reality i got a bit wiser and realised I only got high because when I was stoned all the time I didnt think about my problems as much. But yeah if weed actually did me any good I would rather use that than a anti depressant but i refuse to depend on either of the drugs and am trying to seek happiness through exercise, diet, hobbies, and friendship. Way better than taking a pill or smoking a joint in my case.

    Anyways I essentialy agree with your second post Sea sorry to fly off the handle. I agree with the second post you said saying that if it doesnt cause harm or mood issues there is not a problems I just think that for many it does cause harm in the way of not getting stuff done or ignoring depression which is why they may turn to get high in the first place so often. But hey better than a pill if it works and they get stuff done. All I know is if shes gonna quit it will be on her own decision.
  9. greenieguy

    greenieguy Banned Member

    Im a big weed smoker but i spend about 30 dollars a week on it. I smoke weed because it gives me the butterflys in the stomach thing that i was supposed to get when i fell in love with a girl. Since im always getting rejected and friendzoned i smoke weed because its the only thing that makes me feel good. Also im kind of slow so before my friends and girls thought i was a retard but now im just a stoner. While i dont like being called a stoner its better then being just a retard
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 21, 2013
  10. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Like others have tried to say, unless her spending money on weed is interfering with her other expenses or it somehow effects her personality or life in a negative way, I don't think it's all that terrible.
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You can let someone know your concern but from my experience, no matter what the addiction, you can't convince someone they have an addiction. They have to realize it on their own. But if you guys have an otherwise good relationship it might not be a bad idea to let her know of your concern.
  12. fam6236

    fam6236 Member

    Weed is harmless in ways. Im interested to find out how it is affecting her memory. I have been smoking for 24 years now and I noticed that I am having trouble remembering things. Things like conversations with others and retaining information after reading has seem to be getting worse. I have cut back to a couple times a week where as before I was like your mom having a 200 dolllar a week habit. However my old habits came from selling weed so I could indulge a lot more than most people. I too got arrested for it and am paying the price. I don't know what to say, I cannot say its bad I would be a hypocrite, probably why I cut back also. I mean if you could somehow get your mom to cut back, would probably help her immensely. I do not think rehab is appropriate for weed.
  13. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    just my two cents, but if rehab is appropriate for alcohol, why wouldn't it be for weed?
  14. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    From my experiences, convincing someone that they are an addict is nearly impossible. My suggestion would be that you do talk with her and explain how it negatively effects you. This may not go well, but having it out there is better than suffering in silence. I am an alcoholic and an drug addict and have had people confront me on this. It did not effect my overall use but it did change how I behaved with my use around those who were concerned, and that was for the better. This is just my experience though and anyone when confronted with something difficult my react in an unpleasant way. I would confront her though, you have every right to have your concerns expressed, also for your own well being. Good Luck and I wish you well.
  15. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot R2D2

    Some people cannot just 'cut back'. Thats not how addiction works. Some people do benefit from rehab for weed. People underestimate the mental dependance on substance which is the harder part of quitting any addiction than the physical dependance long term.
  16. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I know this is an old thread. But I will post here anyway in hope that feedback is still wanted. My mom was or is an alcoholic. I did send her a letter about it. I thought it was a great idea at the time. But in reality, she did not take it well at all. The truth of the matter is that the addict does have to want to admit to themselves that they have a problem. And then want to change. In the misguided letter, I told her what I thought she should do. In retrospect that was wrong. I did not speak ( with love) from my own experience of how it makes me feel. And leave it at that.

    also, In retrospect (hindsight is great, isnt it) I think that I should have gotten into treatment for my eating addiction and then I could have known better how to speak with her about her drinking. Because I too was untreated and not getting help.

    I am sorry that you worry about her. And I hope she will get help to get off of weed. Because I do understand it is painful for you. Btw, I still am untreated for me eating addition. I manage my weight but never have been properly treated
  17. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Flowers - Do you have any OA meetings in your area? (assuming, from the context that you're talking about overeating, not undereating). If so, you should try to go to some of them. I decided to try going to one at one point, and it was actually pretty helpful...only reason I didn't continue to is because I had already been managing my weight at that point, and I also kind of had bigger problems too, a heroin addiction.
  18. normaljoe

    normaljoe Well-Known Member

    you also run the risk of the whole "weed is not addictive". no but like anything else it is habit forming and can be used as a crutch. you shouldn't start off with just telling them, you probably want to clarify your intentions first and how much you care and love them. best of luck.
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