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How does it feel?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Feared.Desire, Aug 5, 2009.

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  1. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    I’m hoping this makes sense. My level of intoxication is quickly increasing as my number of beers decreases.

    I’m supposed to be going to see a therapist at a hospital in days. My mother is bipolar (pretty sever from what I hear from my father) so they are likely to question me on the matter. But I would like to know how other bipolar people feel.
    How ‘high’ is the feeling high period?

    There are a few things I will not tell him as to risk them informing the military I am not fit. I am. There is nothing more I want to do, and I will not allow myself to fuck it up. I’m doing this to fix myself, not to fuck up my plans for the future.

    I went to the doctor explaining depression, but I’m not even sure how to tell the difference, or how to decide which one I am. I convinced him I was not depressed after my doctor sent me to him. I didn’t want help, stopped seeing him, and a few weeks later made my first attempt. Luckily I was always so high my method didn’t work, and my already fucked system puked out my inefficient poison.
    On the basis that I out tricked one, I can trick the next.

    I’m mostly down, but I’ve had months were I feel fine, quit drugs, do well in school, and then go back into my failing, drug involved, life. But, I attribute this to my old drug habits, not bipolar disorder.

    After all my rambling, all I really need to know is how to differentiate between bipolar and depression.

    Please help.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    hey ..
    might be an idea 2 talk through it properly with ur therapist when u go there .. im sure they can answer alot of ur questions..
    there is alot of information here aswel .. http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=9540

    all the best.. x
  3. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    I wouldn't talk yourself into a diagnosis (I think I did that to myself... a little knowledge is a dangerous thing!). I'd just go and tell them how things are for you and let them make a diagnosis for you.
  4. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    Aye, I read that. But I was more looking for people to try and explain how they feel to see if I can accurately related. But I read over it again :)

    You talked yourself into a diagnosis? Do you regret that? And why did you... did you not want to tell them the truth? I find the idea of telling someone I don't know personal things solely because they have the ability to legally give me drugs odd.
  5. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm not bipolar but I do know that severe bi-polar manic episodes come complete with delusions and can come with hallucinations and all kinds of psychosis. I know because I had a friend who was severely bi-polar and when he went off on one of his manic episodes (without meds) he would do the craziest things and it looked like he was on speed but he really wasn't. He wouldn't sleep. He raced from one thing to another, and one subject to another and even his conversations were disjointed and made little sense. Sometimes he was hospitalized. Once I was there when the cops were called on him for disrupting the pizza parlour we hung out at. So I know what it looks like, the severe manic episodes - but I couldn't tell you what it felt like. I'm only familiar with depression/anxiety myself, and that's the other end of that spectrum. There's also a bi-polar disorder that's only depression - like there's bi-polar 1 (with manic) and bi-polar 2 (without).
  6. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hi feared! Hope you are o.k. at this time. What did you use to determine that your alcohol level decreased while you drank more. Also the times that you drank the beer is also important as the body looses the equivalent of about 1 shot of 80 proof alcohol per hour.

    You should also take into account any other meds, how good your memory was at the time, at what part of any mood swing you might have on, etc...

    There are just too many factors to come up with a definitive answer.

    But I do have one definitive answer. As you may be bi-polar and/or depressed and possibly prone to drinking, and possibly should be on meds. and are suicidal and plan to lie to the therapist where you should be honest....................Well, how can I put this in a nice way.........OH!

    You shouldn't be in the military until you get your issues under full control. This is just my opinion of course, but I think the military might have the same take if you told them what you've just told us.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You really should go backto doctor a psychiatrist to get professional opinion of what you have Even if you got accepted into army you wouldn't make it past cruelling training your just not stable enough right now. You need to be really mentally stable to endure what they throw at you. Get your act together get off the alcohol go to doctors and get help thus once your stable decide what direction you will head in. Take care
  8. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    If anything I'd say I'm more bi-polar 2... But, as has been said, the doctor can probably give a better diagnosis.
    But thanks :)

    On another note, with all the thoughts that I should postpone the military.
    I can see where everyone is coming from, and there is logic in what is being said. Firstly, I should have mentioned that it is (as of now and for the next few years) just the reserves. Meaning training is only every second weekend, and maybe the occasional weekday. I fully feel as though I can handle that.
    In addition, it is one of the only things I'm looking forwards too.
    I've been (sporadically competing) in martial arts since I was five, and from that I know that physical exercise diverts the feelings of depression/suicide. Besides, pulling out now would make me look like an idiot and potentially sabotage my plans for joining in the future.

    My girlfriend agrees with all of you in that I should be honest to the therapist, and apparently there's patient-client confidentiality that disables them from being able to tell the army, however; I seriously doubt that ... Because it's the government.

    I appreciate everyone's input :)
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