Whether physically, emotionally, or sexually, how has being abused as a child or adult effected your life? For me, I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother growing up. As a kid always under stress of whether or not I was going to get beat. I remember I was about 5 years old, and my mother was teaching me the alphabet, and everytime i would get one letter wrong she would hit me with a shoe on my shoulders(very hard)... I remember one night, my dad was at work I think, and I would continuously get beat because I couldn't finish the alphabet("A..B...C...*hit*, while crying like hell)... my shoulders were pitch black and swollen from the beatings... I remember during the "Study period", when i asked if I could go to the washroom, and when I would go up there to the washroom, I just remember praying it could all be over... and I would go back down and get hit again because "I took too long"... That is just one example, I remember me and my siblings being beat by our mother because we never asked her if she wanted a glass of water when she was coughing... What makes me the most upset, is all through that my father never did anything, never stood up for any of us or stopped my mother... he never even left her when she cheated on him... she completely emascualted him... he never abused any of us... but it angers me that he never stopped her... and his excuse is "she would just get more mad"... Everytime I am near my mother I have this inner rage... she was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year, so i started talking to her again after we hadn't been talking for a few years... this rage I can't explain, it's like I want her to feel the pain she has caused me... and to make her know how its effected me... How this abuse effected me all makes sense now I look back on it... when i would get picked on at school, I wouldn't do anything... like my father... i would just take it... and even if i did fight back i was afraid where the principal would tell my mother and i would get beat again... I grew up feeling worthless and was continuously told I was worthless and that "having dogs would be better than me"... and it's like engraved in my head because everyday i wake up I feel worthless... I don't like blaming other people for my own problems, but I just wish I could give my mother a pinch of the pain she caused me... but for some reason I can't, because well she has cancer now... so everyone should feel sorry for her... My older sister seems to have forgiven my mother which i dont understand, because she probably got it the worst out of all of us... In highschool, I was in love with this girl in my grade, but now that i look back at it... this girl was a lot like my mother... she wasn't abusive, but her personality was similar to that of my mother... and I think i liked her because I was trying to fix something that was not there in my childhood... i realize this now... after 2 and a half years since this girl broke my heart and im still crying over her... My life has become so pathetic, and all i can think about is how it all started when I was a kid with such pathetic parents... I just want to ask my dad why he never did anything? even TO THIS DAY my mother treats him like shit and he just takes it... and I wish i could physically and emotionally hurt my mother the same way she hurt me... she grew up in a big family and was a spoiled brat from what I have heard, so i dont understand why she was so abusive to us. My parents never gave me shit growing up... maybe a roof to live and food... but everything else I earned on my own.. I had a paper route job since I was 9 years old, and used what little money I had to get myself things... Since I use to get beat when I was a child before doing HW or while doing HW, growing up I never had interest in doing HW which effected my grades badly... even now in college... I just can't bring myself to study and I don't know why.... but it makes sense now looking back when i was younger... Thats why the person I am now, I always try and help others... because I think im trying to get that love or whatever it is I never had growing up... but I don't like the person i am today and want to change... Sorry for rambling... but how has being abused effected you today? in sense, has it made you a certain type of person now?