How has being abused effected the person you are today?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by kyle88, Jul 12, 2010.

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  1. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Whether physically, emotionally, or sexually, how has being abused as a child or adult effected your life?

    For me, I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother growing up. As a kid always under stress of whether or not I was going to get beat.

    I remember I was about 5 years old, and my mother was teaching me the alphabet, and everytime i would get one letter wrong she would hit me with a shoe on my shoulders(very hard)... I remember one night, my dad was at work I think, and I would continuously get beat because I couldn't finish the alphabet("A..B...C...*hit*, while crying like hell)... my shoulders were pitch black and swollen from the beatings... I remember during the "Study period", when i asked if I could go to the washroom, and when I would go up there to the washroom, I just remember praying it could all be over... and I would go back down and get hit again because "I took too long"...

    That is just one example, I remember me and my siblings being beat by our mother because we never asked her if she wanted a glass of water when she was coughing...

    What makes me the most upset, is all through that my father never did anything, never stood up for any of us or stopped my mother... he never even left her when she cheated on him... she completely emascualted him... he never abused any of us... but it angers me that he never stopped her... and his excuse is "she would just get more mad"...

    Everytime I am near my mother I have this inner rage... she was diagnosed with cancer earlier in the year, so i started talking to her again after we hadn't been talking for a few years... this rage I can't explain, it's like I want her to feel the pain she has caused me... and to make her know how its effected me...

    How this abuse effected me all makes sense now I look back on it... when i would get picked on at school, I wouldn't do anything... like my father... i would just take it... and even if i did fight back i was afraid where the principal would tell my mother and i would get beat again... I grew up feeling worthless and was continuously told I was worthless and that "having dogs would be better than me"... and it's like engraved in my head because everyday i wake up I feel worthless... I don't like blaming other people for my own problems, but I just wish I could give my mother a pinch of the pain she caused me... but for some reason I can't, because well she has cancer now... so everyone should feel sorry for her... My older sister seems to have forgiven my mother which i dont understand, because she probably got it the worst out of all of us...

    In highschool, I was in love with this girl in my grade, but now that i look back at it... this girl was a lot like my mother... she wasn't abusive, but her personality was similar to that of my mother... and I think i liked her because I was trying to fix something that was not there in my childhood... i realize this now... after 2 and a half years since this girl broke my heart and im still crying over her...

    My life has become so pathetic, and all i can think about is how it all started when I was a kid with such pathetic parents...

    I just want to ask my dad why he never did anything? even TO THIS DAY my mother treats him like shit and he just takes it... and I wish i could physically and emotionally hurt my mother the same way she hurt me... she grew up in a big family and was a spoiled brat from what I have heard, so i dont understand why she was so abusive to us.

    My parents never gave me shit growing up... maybe a roof to live and food... but everything else I earned on my own.. I had a paper route job since I was 9 years old, and used what little money I had to get myself things...

    Since I use to get beat when I was a child before doing HW or while doing HW, growing up I never had interest in doing HW which effected my grades badly... even now in college... I just can't bring myself to study and I don't know why.... but it makes sense now looking back when i was younger...

    Thats why the person I am now, I always try and help others... because I think im trying to get that love or whatever it is I never had growing up... but I don't like the person i am today and want to change...

    Sorry for rambling... but how has being abused effected you today? in sense, has it made you a certain type of person now?
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I was mentally abused as a child. It made me violent, angry, and hateful. Holding onto those feelings going into adulthood made my life worse. But I healed once I was able to see that the person is just as imperfect as me, and althought their methods were unproductive, I know that in their mind they were trying to help me that way. Messed up I know, but after becoming a parent myself I can see that it is no easy task. It does not excuse their behavior by no means, but I am able to heal and move on in life once I forgave them. It will take time, but I hope one day you too can forgive people for their shortcomings. The plus side to my experience is that I know what NOT to do. :) Blessings..
  3. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I was neglected and emotionally abused throughout my childhood, and as a result I am an angry, untrusting person. I over-control my emotions, never expressing myself, as this wasn't allowed in our house. I have issues with control and power in relationships, especially with men, but I am particularly distrustful of women who have a position of control or power.

    I am certain there are other effects that are linked to the abuse, but generally I would say it has made me the messed up, bitter person I am today.

  4. moko

    moko Active Member

    Although I had a pretty normal, happy child life with loving parents, I have suffered sexual, physical and emotional abuse from my brother starting at age 11. My brother would hit me and call me names at first because he was jealous. Then, he would utter threaths with knives and beat me up if he didn't get what he wanted. It eventually escalated to blackmail using sex acts. My parents knew what was going on because one night, they walked in on us while he was abusing me in my bedroom. Despite of that, they never told anyone, not even my brother's psychologist who was following him under our school's recommendation for anger management issues and ADHD. The sexual crap ended when I got the guts to scare him with pregnancy and social services threaths but the emotional and the physical abuse continued. I would fight back and get grounded myself but it was the price to pay to not end up in the hospital. At school, things weren't better. I was the reject and bullied and despite the fact that I disclosed it to teachers, nothing was really done. That's why I refused to disclose my family life at school. In grade 9, I was ''chosen'' to be in this teen support group and eventually disclosed my home life to my mentor.
    Because I was under 16, it had to be reported to social services. Social services held a traumatising interview for me at school where I had to ''say my story'' in front of a camera. I begged them on all fours to not go see my parents or my brother about this. They told me that ''everything was going to be ok''. Coming home from school that day, my mom slapped me, told me I was a lier, told me I was crazy and that social services had no business in this house because nothing was going on and I was making up stories to get attention. I was grounded for several months, unable to go to my support group, unable to have a descent teenage life. My only activity that I was allowed to partake in was my running club. If it wasn't for that time to vent, I would've went crazy because my family life was getting worse. In essence, during this whole period, I suffered a lot in silence, only disclosing minor things to close friends and feeling suicidal and all the works .Eventually, I moved away from home for university and it's since then that i'm living the ''aftermaths'' of all this.

    The abuse made me stronger in a sense where I have learned that what happened is NOT ok and that my parents were WRONG about not getting help. It took several years but I did tell my mom how angry and sad towards her because of her lack of support. Although I vowed never to forgive her for that, I turned this anger in a promise that I will never ignore or downplay abuse going on around me and fully support my children that may be living abuse one day. I have also learned to move on from this story and to live the life that I want in order to continue being strong

    The negative parts of the abuse is that I have no relationship with my brother anymore even though I tried hard to make peace with him. People have told me to forgive him but deep down, it's impossible. Forgiving him would be accepting that what he did to me was ok. I also became a passive-agressive person. I won't get outwardly angry at people on the spot and will bottle things up until I can't take it anymore. I have poor coping skills and in some regards, I am socially awkward and prefer to be alone. In my relationships, recently, I have started to become agressive against my will and it is hard for me to disclose the feelings that are making me bitter.

    As a last, it made me rethink my life and it's meaning from A to Z and came to the conclusion that I will live constantly with the everlasting consequances of the pain I had to experience.
    ''what didn't kill you will make you stronger'' is what my mom told be a few years ago, after accepting that what I lived wasn't ok. Sorry mom, but it might've not killed me physically, but emotionally, I was left for dead for too long with irreversable damage.
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    My brother and I were beaten severely almost daily by my father. I went through a ridiculously late puberty and there is some proof that extreme stress can delay it. I saw a neurologist in my early twenties for problems with my balance I had since my teens. He couldn't tell me why I always feel like I am walking on gelatin until I told him about being knocked out dozens of times.

    I also got picked on in school and I just froze and took a few beatings which oddly won me respect from the bullies. They thought I was nuts to just stand in place with my arms down and get punched bloody but I was just in a sort of paralyzed shock. I am a mess in social situations and I am always asking friends if they are angry with me.

    My mother said I tended to be shy as a toddler and was very emotionally sensitive. The beatings and ridicule only tremendously intensified these frailties in my personality. It has been a lifetime since most of this abuse but I carry tremendous emotional baggage and fears. I am afflicted with severe OCD but I attribute my constant anxiety and chronic depression to my father's sadistic abuse.
  6. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    How can it not? It's simply a matter of pressure. There's no choice involved. No matter how hard you try, you break. I still have issues showing emotion and letting down my guard with people because of what I went through.
  7. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I would also like to add that in the end my sufferings have made it possible for me to be the loving and compassionate person I strive to be today. So I am better by overcoming my past abuse. :)
  8. NotThisLife

    NotThisLife Well-Known Member

    Yes. I was sexually abused when I was seven, and it has led to just about all the problems I deal with today. It created a black hole within me, that sucks out all good feelings and leaves only emptiness and despair. So yes, my abuse affects just about every aspect of my life
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