How has suicide affected parents and children of suicide ?

[Gauge]

I ask because my mom has suffered greatly due to me already. For years I might add.
We have a weird bond due to me having borderline personality disorder (undiagnosed). But my dad was a raging alcoholic which caused my suicidal thoughts to arise at around four or five. And beat everyone and destroyed the house.At seventeen me and mom just got done doing yard work all morning. As I cooked a late breakfast I heard screaming from thee other room. I looked in and he was leaned over her and she was cowering as if she had been slapped. Enough was enough. I walked in and shoved him across the room. I said if you ever hit her again I’ll kill you. At which point he said I’m calling your probation officer ( had been on probation for six years at that point) to which I didn’t reply <mod edit - graphic details of attempted homicide> As far as I know he never hit her again and our relationship grew pretty damn strong after that . But me and mom are still weird. Well I have made several plans. Every time I was about to take the first step my brother would call me. It’s so weird. Because of the times and distance between us it didn’t matter, somehow he knew something. And he would ask what about mom ? Why? How could you cause her more suffering for the rest of her life ? Well I don’t feel that I would cause her pain for doing this. I don’t know what love is or feels like. I know what horny feels like but not love and every relationship I have had all ended up shitting on me. Well married again now I have a baby . And his well being is my Priority. But my in-laws and wife are mentally disturbed. My in-laws have severely damaged my wife. And have made it clear that they just want our baby as a second chance. At the beginning they encouraged him to call them momma and dada . Until I stopped the so often visits. My wife has told me repeatedly that she doesn’t care if they damage him as long as she can get the attention from them that she desires. She only gets attention from them if she lets them do as they please with our child. I’m stuck in a horrible position and I am not able to see a way to get him out of harms way . Both of her parents are text book TOXIC people. What kind of damage will my plan cause to him ? The loss of the only caring parent? But our situation keeps him in harms way for far more psychological trauma. It’s me against three now and my MIL has tried to get my wife to poison me , and my wife thinks nothing of it.

to sum it up . Would my death be more traumatic for either of them or would it be more traumatic to continue this sad life and continue living with everyone knowing how these people are ruining yet another child’s life ?

I am not so willing to let his life be ruined! But am torn on how to deal with it .

 

[Walker]

Heya Gauge,
You ask if it would be more traumatic for you to kill yourself OR for them to continue screwing up your kid. Fact is, if you're gone they're going to continue doing the exact same thing to your kid right? Only you won't be there to try to stand in between that, you'll just be gone, which would have also further traumatized him. It sounds like this isn't two sides of the same coin here.
I think it's "should I kill myself because I'm tired of watching these people mess my kid up" or "should I stick around and try to save my son from these people I think are toxic?" THAT is the flip side of the coin. Obviously I know which choice I would make.

 

[Gauge]

That is a very good understanding of the situation. Thank you for the effort and time. Yes it is a pickle . But not entirely. If I continue with the end plan my wife will more than likely follow suit essentially leaving him orphaned, how ever we have a will that enables his care giver to deny rights of visitation, in which they have been informed about my attempted poisoning and know the detriment of having the grandparents in his life. Which are my family members.

 

[Sunspots]

I can't imagine how awful it is to watch them try to manipulate and control your wife and son and for your wife to give into it. But I have to agree with @Walker here.
If you kill yourself you would be leaving your beloved son entirely at their mercy. There will be nobody there to even try to protect him. He'll be screwed twice - once by you killing yourself and again by them. You killing yourself will not benefit him in any way, it will make his life infinitely worse.

 

[Sunspots]

That is a very good understanding of the situation. Thank you for the effort and time. Yes it is a pickle . But not entirely. If I continue with the end plan my wife will more than likely follow suit essentially leaving him orphaned, how ever we have a will that enables his care giver to deny rights of visitation, in which they have been informed about my attempted poisoning and know the detriment of having the grandparents in his life. Which are my family members.

Wills can be fought by family members, especially where children are concerned. If they're capable of being that manipulative they could well argue that you weren't of sound mind to make that will (and by killing yourself you will play right into that). They will of course deny the poisoning incident and claim it is further proof of your state of mind. And would you really want your wife to kill herself too in order to even try to get that will passed?
This is a bad plan. Nothing will protect your son like you will.

 

[Walker]

how ever we have a will that enables his care giver to deny rights of visitation

you could also do this too, though, right? or you feel as though you can't because your wife wouldn't agree

 

[Gauge]

my MIL has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and raised my wife until she was 27 with a plethora of her own mental illnesses. The guilt that they have on my wife is unbelievable and so controlling that she can’t even watch our four year old for more than two or three hours , during which she turns the tv on and ignores him until I take a break from working to come in and cook him lunch or put him down for a nap. We both happen to work for her family. she has not and can not work anywhere else because of all her issues. And every time we start making any kind of head way to get out of here she tells them all about it and they make everything harder on me not caring what it’s doing to my wife or child so they can come in with gifts and groceries and point out how I can’t do it ! It’s really fubar!!!

 

[Walker]

Sorry but I'm just curious why you're with her still?

 

[Gauge]

Lmao , I ask myself the same question.

Love is blind and stupid

 

[Walker]

You're so unhappy that you are suicidal, man. You're talking about killing yourself which would make your wife kill herself which would certainly give your kid an absolutely miserable existence on the planet. You either need to figure that shit out with your in-laws or get the hell out of there because clearly killing yourself is not an option here.

 

[Sunspots]

I would grab my son and run. Just get him and you out of that situation.

 

[Gauge]

I wish it were that easy , I really appreciate all of the feedback from y’all it has got me looking for better solutions ! Thank y’all very much.

 

[WildCherry]

I've read through all the comments and am glad you're thinking of a better solution. Sounds like you're all your son has. If you were to end your life, he'd be alone with your wife and her parents, which obviously wouldn't be good. I hope you can find a way to get yourself and your son out of that situation. You both need each other.