How honest are you with doctors/therapists?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by raincloud, Aug 9, 2014.

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  1. raincloud

    raincloud Well-Known Member

    I apologize because this question has probably been asked a LOT, but there's no good way to search for it on a site like this.

    I have felt suicidal fairly consistently for 20 years. Even if I'm not actively suicidal, I become self-destructive. I have had a plan in place for over a decade. I also have a back-up plan and a back-up to the back-up.

    I have been in therapy for the past four years or so. I've had a number of different therapists because of staff changes and whatnot, and if they ask about suicidal thoughts, I always deny it vehemently.

    The reason for this is because when I was 15, I expressed suicidal ideation in my first appointment with a doctor, and even though I wasn't in any immediate danger, they locked me in a room and told my parents everything I said. I understand why they did that, but they didn't know or understand my parents, and that was the absolute worst thing to do. There's more to this story, but my household was very emotionally abusive and this made it worse.

    My mother is dead and my father and I haven't spoken in 12 years, but I am still TERRIFIED even to hint that I would consider such a thing. My life has become a LOT worse lately due to physical illness, pain, and other unfortunate circumstances, and I made the mistake recently of telling my therapist that I'd rather not be alive. She keeps pushing the issue and I have a complete meltdown every time.

    Anyway, I'm not in imminent danger, even though I do have a plan. I guess I am just curious to see if anyone else is too afraid to say anything to their mental health practitioners.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Basically, it is a reasonably common theme here that people lie to their doctors. Unfortunately they then complain they have been in therapy for years and it is not helping etc etc. How anyone expects a doctor to help while they are being lied to is beyond me. If you are going to go and lie to your doctor constantly then really you are only using up a resource someone committed to getting better could be better using. Lying to your doctor makes going to a doctor completely pointless.

    I understand that you had a bad experience - but also 20 years ago ideas and attitudes to mental health were very different. It might be difficult but until you start being honest with your mental health practitioners you cannot reasonable expect them to be able to help you.
  3. Sad&Bipolar

    Sad&Bipolar Active Member

    I am brutally honest with my doctor and my therapist. I could never hide anything from them. Because of this, I have been in the hospital 4 times in the past 3 months. The hospital is not the best experience for me, but I am admitted so as to save my life. I do not just have suicidal thoughts and feelings, I now get intense urges. It is getting harder to maintain control over my behavior all the time. I really need the help my doctor and therapist offer, so I am always honest with them about how I am feeling and how close I am to acting on those urges. It would feel really awful if I lied to them, and my conscience would lead to extreme guilt. I suffer enough without adding on more guilt.
  4. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    Not honest anymore. Been burned in the past before by the truth. People lock away things that which they can't understand.
  5. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    I was honest recently because I had broken down so completely that I couldn't keep the deception up. Fortunately the system in Coventry is to avoid hospitalization and there is a 'hospital at home' programme. I was terrified when I realized what I'd done, but it has meant a fast track to help especially as I'd made an attempt.
  6. Sugar Magnolia

    Sugar Magnolia New Member

    Im really honest with my therapist. Even when Im in a crisis I can go there and talk about it. I just teeter on the line of doing it or not and she says thats what scares her. I get it.. but I gotta say how I feel.
  7. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Im not truthful. I hold tons back from my Therapist.

    Its just a bad habit of mine to not say anything on my mind.

    Im not truthful about my current suicide plan as I dont want to be stopped or talked to to change my mind. I say nothing nowadays
  8. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I would agree heavily with Freya....

    I have never been dishonest about anything to a doctor/therapist. I find it counter-productive as any help (be it therapy/meds or otherwise), could be affected by the level of "guarded secrecy". Give them a full and honest picture and the help available may well be better tailored to suit what is needed, not what one believes is needed (as although we know our own bodies best, we don't always know the best source of survival).

    DrownedFishOnFire - All the best laid plans are suspect to going wrong in some way... and saying nothing defeats the object of having therapy. Many people can turn lives around and I do have an example as to how I've assisted someone else do just that (so my perception is that nothing is impossible based upon that).
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