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How I escaped suicidal feelings

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Phaedron777, Mar 24, 2011.

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  1. Phaedron777

    Phaedron777 New Member

    Here is my story, and my solution.

    Back when I was 15 I brought home the flue and made my family sick. My father then killed himself, and my grandmother died of cancer shortly after. I had three chances to stop him, but I didn't pick up on what he was gonna do, I even woke up right before he did it. Needless to say I blamed myself and wanted to die. I had the gun in my hand, but I figured my grandmother still needs me, and when she died soon after I no longer had a gun, but I drowned my sorrows away slowly, I also had a few relationships that didn't work out, they broke my heart.

    I struggled with suicidal feelings for many years after that, I tried to drown them in video games, entertainment, drugs, and various other forms of escapism from reality. My life got nowhere, and I couldn't find the motivation to get anywhere.

    Finally, I found a solution. I realized there was a side of me that wanted to die and a side of me that wanted to live, which prevented me from attempting to kill myself, so the only thing I could do was compromise.

    What I mean by compromise is that I did kill myself, but also that I didn't. The person who is living and breathing today is merely here for the purpose of helping and serving other people. I wanted to know where I'd go when I died so I did a big study on spirituality, and decided I'd make a full investment with heaven.

    I expected to still be miserable, but much to my surprise I found that making others happy made me happy. I no longer had any expectations, hopes, or selfish desires, whenever I encountered something negative I just reminded myself that I'm dead and there was no point in taking any offense.

    The other unexpected thing was the joy I felt. This is what the gospel calls "the peace of God which surpasses all understanding." I thought for sure it would be impossible for God to make me any joy. Let's just say God likes a good challenge.

    Here's some encouragement if you wanna try the living dead approach to suicidal feeling.

    Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

    2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

    Think your life is worthless? Tempted to put an end to it? Then you probably wouldn't have a problem being a martyr. That means all the more glory for you up there in heaven. When it's not you that live, but Christ that lives within you, life indeed becomes interesting. Life as you know it, according to your plans, and your desires, is gone, but a whole new life of adventure will begin.

    Don't be fooled or dismayed if most professing people of faith don't get this. Truth is, they like their lives, they might even love their lives onto the death. The strength of God is made perfect in weakness, and when we're down on our knees ready to kick the bucket, it don't get any weaker then that.

    And really, what else are ya gonna do? It won't solve your problems to die and wind up in a place full of even more torture and sorrow then this world. You'd might as well cash in on God.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm happy for you that you found a solution that has helped you through a very difficult time and help turn things around for you. I understand that feeling of joy when you know that you have helped someone else. Hope you are able to keep moving forward.
  3. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Ahh, ambivalence. The second most important thing in preventing a suicide (the first is hope, for anyone who was thinking of asking).

    Fascinating story. It's wonderful that you have found positive alternatives to suicide that bring you happiness.
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    What a great post! Thank you for sharing! Yahweh bless.
  5. Kaganovich

    Kaganovich Active Member

    Just a quick message to say to anyone that struggles with religion, that this totally applies to you too. You don't need the bible to make you do the right thing, in fact in some ways devoting yourself to doing the best you can for other people without the need for/threat of the bible is far more rewarding.
    But the basic message of the post is true, one of the best ways to overcome the feeling of wothlesness is to become worthy, not of God but of yourself.
    A lot of people who have suicidal thoughts are actually deeply caring and creative people and can offer so much but are too sensitive to their own doubts.
    Don't rely on God, rely on yourself! God wouldn't have it any other way!
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I would totally agree with this^^^^^^^^^^
    And also follow up with, as much as i am delighted you have found what helps you, we ask you not to force religion onto other members here. Just letting you know.
  7. Phaedron777

    Phaedron777 New Member

    I have another version for those of you who believe in Reincarnation (aka, Hindu, Buddhist, Wiccan, Newage)

    What I have learned in my study of reincarnation is that you tend to be put into the same experience you have had in past lives until you learn to overcome.

    So if you commit suicide you might very well be doomed to repeat the same kind of experience over and over again until you have learned your life's lessons.

    This is by no means an endorsement for whether reincarnation is true or not. I do not recommend believing in reincarnation as it will happen whether you believe in it or not, therefore I recommend believing in Jesus and escaping the lake of fire.

    Nevertheless it is my hope that the lake is at the very end of the age and those who don't believe now will be reborn again and again until they have escaped the cycle through Christ. This is most likely the way those who never heard of him can eventually be saved.

    There is a verse in Mathew where Jesus talks about those who give up everything to spread the gospel will receive 100 times more in this age, houses, children, mothers, etc and eternal life in the age to come. I see no other way to interpret this aside from reincarnation. How would you receive more mothers and parents? Those who gave up everything to preach the gospel didn't receive 100 times more, they received persecution and death.

    Lastly, if you are not spiritual at all I would recommend making the most out of your life, and going the standard approach for some counseling, or professional help.

    Many times when I'm feeling down even someone who wants to help just isn't real. Everyone needs some people in their life to be real friends to them and actually involved in their lives.
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