How I feel is beyond words

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#42
Thanks. I do meditate but lately not doing so. Will do it again. I have meditation recording on my mobile phone. My neighbor gave this recording. It lasts 30 mins or so. Please do not hurry when you meet the therapist. The more questions you ask him, the better the response and results. Also be safe from Corona virus.
Hey thanks for the idea. I just downloaded a recording as well. I am hoping you are enjoying your day!! I’m working for another 3 hours as my boss texted me last night to know there were some urgent issues and could I help? It was hard to say no so here I am. But then I’m off to try and
get a zillion things done!! Hoping your day is going great for you! Please stay safe as well. Hang in there. The rain eventually will stop. Have an excellent holiday and I look forward to speaking with you again!!!
 
#43
Hi @Alone04

some random thoughts About your work. Are you a supervisor to the newer people? A trainer? Dont want to sound mean, but are you trying to boss everyone around Because of seniority?

a supervisor has to take charge. Your boss might be allowing you to take this role in entirety. If he butts in, then you loose your supervisor role. He may just want the ”buck” to stop with you.
if you are in a training role, you just have to repeat instructions in different ways. No all minds learn in the same way. So you have to adapt the way you approach it. I recall a situation that i wanted to understand the WHY i was doing something a certain way. I couldnt get it. My supervisor corrected me, tried to explain. I never got it! Finally she said. “Just do it like this...”. “& dont worry about the WHY. I was deflated, but i did it as told. I didnt screw up. One day, 2 jobs & probably 10;years later, i was doing a task at work and it all made sense! A eureka moment for me.

but if you are being bossy, for the sake of being bossy, then the supervisor may not want to back you up because -while you may be correct; its really NOT your place to address.
youve been there 4 years. It sounds like you are the one that has to fix all the fumbles at work. It can become overwhelming. their shortcomings become your new workload. Your personal stress may be making you overly sensitive to things that are inconsequential. So your boss is giving you a free pass.

he knows you need to do more self care. you need to run more, meditate, read, etc . It Burns off the excess anxiety. Helps you rest. Overall a better outlook. You've been very low. You've found Some tools to help dig out of the fog. Keep using them.

be aware, you losses are great. Grief can take over at anytime. Its part of the process. So, be nice to yourself.

so, you have to sort out your parents stuff. Wow. Do they have a lot of stuff? it seems like their is a lot of legal stuff to handle Too. But idk.
enjoy your day.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#44
Meditation is definitely something you can get more out of with practice. Though even after doing it a lot there are still days when the mind wanders a lot. That's just how it goes. Getting 'better' is less about avoiding that and more about paying attention to it without judging.

I can usually only do a 10-15 minute guided meditation max.
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#45
Hi @Alone04

some random thoughts About your work. Are you a supervisor to the newer people? A trainer? Dont want to sound mean, but are you trying to boss everyone around Because of seniority?

a supervisor has to take charge. Your boss might be allowing you to take this role in entirety. If he butts in, then you loose your supervisor role. He may just want the ”buck” to stop with you.
if you are in a training role, you just have to repeat instructions in different ways. No all minds learn in the same way. So you have to adapt the way you approach it. I recall a situation that i wanted to understand the WHY i was doing something a certain way. I couldnt get it. My supervisor corrected me, tried to explain. I never got it! Finally she said. “Just do it like this...”. “& dont worry about the WHY. I was deflated, but i did it as told. I didnt screw up. One day, 2 jobs & probably 10;years later, i was doing a task at work and it all made sense! A eureka moment for me.

but if you are being bossy, for the sake of being bossy, then the supervisor may not want to back you up because -while you may be correct; its really NOT your place to address.
youve been there 4 years. It sounds like you are the one that has to fix all the fumbles at work. It can become overwhelming. their shortcomings become your new workload. Your personal stress may be making you overly sensitive to things that are inconsequential. So your boss is giving you a free pass.

he knows you need to do more self care. you need to run more, meditate, read, etc . It Burns off the excess anxiety. Helps you rest. Overall a better outlook. You've been very low. You've found Some tools to help dig out of the fog. Keep using them.

be aware, you losses are great. Grief can take over at anytime. Its part of the process. So, be nice to yourself.

so, you have to sort out your parents stuff. Wow. Do they have a lot of stuff? it seems like their is a lot of legal stuff to handle Too. But idk.
enjoy your day.
Haha am I a bossy boss? I never thought I was. But I am the leader/supervisor/trainer whatever you want to call it. And I’ll give you some examples where I have argued, quite badly sometimes, with my new team members. One guy joined 3 weeks ago and sent me an email saying a client wanted such and such and for me”to get moving ”?Im like get moving? I’m the leader and been here 4 years and you were just hired and you are telling me to get moving??? I thought it was disrespectful, he said he was joking. I wanted to punch him. Then another new team member told me to “stop dropping loads of work on her and have the decency to do it myself.”?Huh? I work 10 hours some days with no break and my job is to delegate what I can’t get around to. Anyways I asked my boss if he was still happy with my performance cause I ain’t feeling the love anymore. He said yes, I’m doing a great job and keep doing what I’m doing. And I asked him why do you always take the other side then???He said he’s not taking sides, he just wants us all to get along. That’s easier said than done lately. Maybe I’m taking these things wrong. Really I have been extra sensitive lately and not thinking all that clearly either. My boss reminds me of my mother sometimes where when I fought with my older brother she would say be the smart one and stop. It probably is good advice but why do I always have to be the smart one? I guess somebody has to be or it will never end right?Anyways, thanks for reminding me grief can come anytime. I’m telling you I can be pumping gas or something and just start crying. People will be like hey you okay? Yea I’m fine I always say don’t worry I’ll be okay. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with any legal stuff cause my brother is the executor of the estate. The other headaches like the house and stuff still have to be dealt with. I’m def so glad I will never have to deal with this again! Hope your Saturday was fun! I’ve been jam packed with things to get done today and I’m hoping to be done before midnight. Doesn’t matter, I don’t sleep anyways. Have a terrific evening and I hope to talk with you soon.
 

So so tired

Well-Known Member
#46
Hi @Alone04
I am so sorry for your loss.
I can feel the desperation in your post and empathise with how you are feeling.
I know this does not help you but I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you and you are not alone.
Grief is a complex process and causes people to say and do things they don't really mean.
I see your situation from a parents perspective as I lost my husband through a stroke. We have a child together but I am suffering with suicidal intent.
It's admirable that you are reaching out for help and maybe in time, you can find support from your brother. Your pain is very raw atm.
I really do send you lots of love and hugs at this time xx
 

Winslow

My Toughest Problem Has Been Solved.
SF Supporter
#47
Meditation is definitely something you can get more out of with practice. Though even after doing it a lot there are still days when the mind wanders a lot. That's just how it goes. Getting 'better' is less about avoiding that and more about paying attention to it without judging.

I can usually only do a 10-15 minute guided meditation max.
Same as you, I usually meditate 10-15 minutes at the maximum. But I do it more than once a day. After all, as you said, the mind wanders sometimes-- so I have to catch myself before the negativism snowballs. Even while watching TV, the bad thoughts sometimes catch me unawares, that is, insidiously. So I have to stand up to meditate. Yes I meditate while standing because in my case it helps me to focus better. Anyway I reply to your post because I was pleasantly surprised to see others besides me who meditate. Seems you might have to rephrase your username because you appear instead to be "buoyant."
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#48
Same as you, I usually meditate 10-15 minutes at the maximum. But I do it more than once a day. After all, as you said, the mind wanders sometimes-- so I have to catch myself before the negativism snowballs. Even while watching TV, the bad thoughts sometimes catch me unawares, that is, insidiously. So I have to stand up to meditate. Yes I meditate while standing because in my case it helps me to focus better. Anyway I reply to your post because I was pleasantly surprised to see others besides me who meditate. Seems you might have to rephrase your username because you appear instead to be "buoyant."
I don't do it very often these days, though I should be. I did it almost daily for a bit. My therapist just told me I should do it multiple times a day actually, for that very reason, to catch myself and recenter. Definitely not very buoyant lately though.
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#49
Meditation is definitely something you can get more out of with practice. Though even after doing it a lot there are still days when the mind wanders a lot. That's just how it goes. Getting 'better' is less about avoiding that and more about paying attention to it without judging.

I can usually only do a 10-15 minute guided meditation max.
Hey thanks for that! I tried a half hour meditation that I downloaded from the web and it was way too long!!! I’ll try a 10 minute one tonight. I’m wondering if you can explain the mindfulness exercises about being present and not judging? What does this mean? Does it mean letting go of the past and thinking about your present environment? How do you not judge? Thanks so much. I hope you’re having a peaceful weekend!!!
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#50
Does it mean letting go of the past and thinking about your present environment?
I think that's part of it, yeah. It's more about observing the moment rather than analyzing anything. I still have a lot of work to go myself.

I had a nice day, thanks. Got some errands run, despite the ridiculous heat.
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#51
Hi @Alone04
I am so sorry for your loss.
I can feel the desperation in your post and empathise with how you are feeling.
I know this does not help you but I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you and you are not alone.
Grief is a complex process and causes people to say and do things they don't really mean.
I see your situation from a parents perspective as I lost my husband through a stroke. We have a child together but I am suffering with suicidal intent.
It's admirable that you are reaching out for help and maybe in time, you can find support from your brother. Your pain is very raw atm.
I really do send you lots of love and hugs at this time xx
I’m sorry to hear you are feeling that way, I can relate for sure. I am finding that distracting myself is helping greatly like listening to music, running, just getting out of the house. And the feeling won’t be permanent, it’s just temporary. And if it’s really getting to me I just talk to one of the other members that I have become acquainted with here who tells me I’m not alone. The feeling is much less severe for me right now thanks to all the kind words that people have spoken to me here. I mean it’s always going to be a choice but it doesn’t have to be the first choice or the only choice right? Im shocked by my first couple of posts and I apologize for them. I’m sorry for your loss as well. I know it’s difficult sometimes but I’m glad you’re hanging in there. I hope I get to talk some more with you as we go on our journeys in this world. It helps having others around you who can relate. I’m always here to talk to. Thank you for all that love and hugs. I’m sending some back to you!
I think that's part of it, yeah. It's more about observing the moment rather than analyzing anything. I still have a lot of work to go myself.

I had a nice day, thanks. Got some errands run, despite the ridiculous heat.
Yea I know about those errands. I’ve been going since 7 am this morning and it is midnight now. I just got home and still need to find a way to eat yet as I couldn’t fit in. I think I will try the 15 minute meditation now with the hopes of falling asleep. I think I heard something about tough times don’t last but people do?Anyways hang in there, you’ll get there. I am finding that I can only push myself so much without my body breaking completely down!! I hope you have an amazing day tomorrow. It’s always great talking with you as you always have something positive to say. Thank you and sleep well!
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#52
Hi. Just reading Reader's Digest. It's been raining here since three days so not going out. Staying indoors. Good you are having busy weekend so you won't get time for negative thoughts. Do find time to relax on weekends. You can donate your parents stuff later when you are ok. Hope your counseling session goes well. Keep us posted.
I hope you had a great holiday and are enjoying your relaxing weekend!!
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#53
Yea I know about those errands. I’ve been going since 7 am this morning and it is midnight now. I just got home and still need to find a way to eat yet as I couldn’t fit in. I think I will try the 15 minute meditation now with the hopes of falling asleep. I think I heard something about tough times don’t last but people do?Anyways hang in there, you’ll get there. I am finding that I can only push myself so much without my body breaking completely down!! I hope you have an amazing day tomorrow. It’s always great talking with you as you always have something positive to say. Thank you and sleep well!
Oh, that's nice of you to say. I'm less positive when it comes to myself ;)
Sounds like a really busy day! Hope you can manage to get some good sleep.
 

Witty_Sarcasm

🦄🦜🧁🌈🌝💖
SF Supporter
#54
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. I know that everything must be very hard to deal with right now, but we're here for you anytime you need it.
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#55
Oh, that's nice of you to say. I'm less positive when it comes to myself ;)
Sounds like a really busy day! Hope you can manage to get some good sleep.
Haha sleep what’s that?? My 16 week old puppy is 70 pounds already and has taken over the bed. That leaves me the couch which has never given me a good night’s sleep. Something is seriously wrong with this picture! Oh well he’s just a pup and I don’t sleep anyways. I did found some Chakra healing music on pandora - perhaps it will hypnotize me to sleep! Have a peaceful day tomorrow. Sleep well yourself!!!
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#56
Hi @Alone04
I am so sorry for your loss.
I can feel the desperation in your post and empathise with how you are feeling.
I know this does not help you but I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you and you are not alone.
Grief is a complex process and causes people to say and do things they don't really mean.
I see your situation from a parents perspective as I lost my husband through a stroke. We have a child together but I am suffering with suicidal intent.
It's admirable that you are reaching out for help and maybe in time, you can find support from your brother. Your pain is very raw atm.
I really do send you lots of love and hugs at this time xx
I hope you are doing well and are having a peaceful and relaxing night!
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#57
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. I know that everything must be very hard to deal with right now, but we're here for you anytime you need it.
I really like your avatar. I think it’s the only thing that made me smile today. Thank you for your kind words of sympathy. It feels great not being alone anymore. I appreciate your reaching out to let me know that. I’m really new here and still trying to find my way around the forum. But I have been reading a lot of different posts and realize we are all in this together. It’s definitely a tough time right now and your support and empathy means so much to me. I hope I get to talk to you some more. Have an amazing day
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your parents. I know that everything must be very hard to deal with right now, but we're here for you anytime you need it.
By the way what do you write? Do you post it anywhere?
 

Witty_Sarcasm

🦄🦜🧁🌈🌝💖
SF Supporter
#58
I really like your avatar. I think it’s the only thing that made me smile today. Thank you for your kind words of sympathy. It feels great not being alone anymore. I appreciate your reaching out to let me know that. I’m really new here and still trying to find my way around the forum. But I have been reading a lot of different posts and realize we are all in this together. It’s definitely a tough time right now and your support and empathy means so much to me. I hope I get to talk to you some more. Have an amazing day

By the way what do you write? Do you post it anywhere?
Aww thanks, glad I could make you smile at least. :) And yeah, you'll definitely never be alone here. There's people from all over the world, so there will be someone around any time, day or night, to listen. You have an amazing day too. :)
I do have some stuff here on the forum, I'll search and find it for you.
 

SamIAm

Well-Known Member
#59
Aww thanks, glad I could make you smile at least. :) And yeah, you'll definitely never be alone here. There's people from all over the world, so there will be someone around any time, day or night, to listen. You have an amazing day too. :)
I do have some stuff here on the forum, I'll search and find it for you.
Thanks I’d like to read it. Btw I can relate to the general weirdo description hahaha!
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$70.00
Goal
$255.00
Top