Well, I know it's everything else but polite to cry about oneself first before helping others, but it's something that bothers me so I have to tell it to somebody. It all started when I had to change my school just for the 13th grade (A-Levels in my country). New classmates etc.. Most of them seem to be nice and I found friends pretty fast. After 2 weeks we changed our sitting order so I was told to sit next to a pretty arrogant blonde girl. I didn't feel attracted to her at all first, but after a while, we started getting in touch with each other. Just during class, ofcourse. I'm a kind of shy person and usually hardly feel anything for any person I don't know for years. People call me 'emotionless' or even 'pokerface' sometimes, I also don't like smiling a lot. After a few months she started behaving strangely. She kept distance and I just was like 'Pfft okay'. Now I know that she was dating someone else and decided that he wasn't the right one. A few months later everything went back to normal. I still didn't feel that much for her. I'd even say, I felt nothing. Then, we had a meeting with our classmates and drunk a lot and some girl of my class asked me if I wanted to dance. As I said no, she asked me if I wanted to dance with the girl I sat next to with. I didn't say anything, I just looked in her eyes and she responded 'Ewww not with him'. That made me kind of mad, so I didn't speak a single word with her for like 3 weeks. She never said sorry, but she became extremely kind during these 3 weeks. She even started touching my arm when asking something. She always tried to do me favors etc.. After these 3 weeks I couldn't be mad at her anymore. Then something very interesting happened. I noticed how many things we had in common. She was talking like I do, writing like I do, doing the same mistakes as I do. From then on I started liking her as I felt respected, liked, finally understood and like I've found something like a 'soulmate'. I usually don't believe in that stuff, since I'm a very rational person. From day to day I liked her more and more. She also started sitting closer to me. Well, until a classmate of mine started asking her out etc.. I don't know how she did it, but she noticed that I became sad whenever he did that. So she started putting some distance between her and him. I was kind of surprised and planned to ask her for a date. It took me 1 week until I thought 'today is the day I'll ask her'. On this day we had like 6 lessons. 'So 6 lessons and 2 breaks time to ask', I thought. I was really slow at that day and waited... I said to myself after the 4th lesson 'I'll go in there and ask her. Right now, no excuses'. When I went in, I saw that classmate who was asking her out previously sitting on my chair, talking to her. She still was putting some distance between them but when I arrived I just heard her saying 'well, yeah. So friday?'. From then on she was putting a distance between me and her. I know how this sounds, it's all my fault. I waited a week and even then it took me plenty of time... I don't know how other people live with this shit, but I just feel like I'm not made for it. My grades are just average and my social life sucks. I feel like damn loser. I'm not sad, nor depressed. I just noticed how shitty I am. You might think 'Well, it's just one love, you never had her' etc.. To be honest, she was the first person that made me believe stuff I couldn't explain, she actually was the first person that felt familiar. I'm 20 years old, had like 4 girlfriends (not many, but who cares) and still feel like I've never have experienced this. Her laugh made me laugh and it was like that for her with my laugh, too. The fact alone that she might think that I'm not interested drives me crazy. I just feel hatred for myself. It's like carrying a burden on your back you actually can't walk with. I'm stuck emotionally in this place and don't move. Sorry for my shitty english.