How I self-harm

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by spooky, Jul 1, 2011.

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  1. spooky

    spooky Active Member

    When I get into a state where I want to hurt myself it's because the pain is the only thing that reminds me I'm alive. I'm not a cutter. I guess I'm what you might call a scratcher. I use various types of rough-textured materials, such as nail files or sandpaper, and <edit moderator total eclipse method>It's almost like I'm in a trance - it doesn't hurt. The next day when I wake up and realize what I've done I know it's going to look horrible and people are going to ask me what happened. My husband always worries about me when it happens. It gets worse as it heals, because it begins to scab over and I tend to pick at the scabs. So far I haven't scarred my face badly. Usually it clears up and you wouldn't even know it happened. I'm still not sure why I do it. I haven't done it in a long time. I've been thinking about doing it lately. I threw out my nail file and asked my husband to put up the sandpaper and a metal file so I can't get to them and use them on my face. Why my face. I don't now. One time I told someone it was windburn, that I'd been on a sailboat over the weekend and my face was chapped. I'm not sure if they believed me. Every time I say I don't ever want to do it again but then I do. I don't want to do it right now. I am thinking about doing it now. But I'm going to resist as much as I can. I'm going to hug and love up my cats because they are what keeps me going.

    :ghost:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 2, 2011
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