How I Wish...

How I wish tonight was my last night..
yes I have drunk but who gives a care? right?
When I sat down and thought about it to myself...
I dont live my life for anybody else,
So what I do with my life is for me and only me.
And oh how I wish sacrafice was a choice to be,
but since it isnt suicide that suits me just fine,
cause after tonight the loss of love will be unsettled without the wine.
In that case my friend I wont be doing well,
and if suicide is a sin..I guess I'll see you in hell.
Cause a lot of the time you just cant see,
due to how close in the mirror you can be.
A lot what other people see,
is impossible to what yours eyes can see, invisibly.
So in that case I think I will give up
there is nothing left for me,
I have never been this sad before
the bottle wasnt right as you can see.
My words flow from the heart,
at the purest of honesty,
where can I go from here, if you can see it....help me see!
oh how I wish...for a better me!
oh how I wish....you can help me see!
oh how I wish....I could rid these thoughts,
oh how I wish....I could go on, i feel like I am caught....
In the middle of a drama, with no happy ending,
and if I die, it will be my life spending,
the time it would take to make others peoples lives right,
if I died I could bring others from the darkness to the light!

I hope this means anything to anyone, Im extremely depressed right now and I have no idea what to do. I dont think I could do myself in tonight but hey...maybe one night when Im able to get a gun it will be a lot easier. Life is such a dead end, and when you cant be with the people you love...whats the point of it! There is no point and I refuse to go throughout life alone, Id rather burn in hell! This is a drunk rant but please feel free to make me feel better, cause Im down....Thank You :sad:

P.S. this is the first time I have been in tears......

 

Dear FullMoon;

I understand your feelings of despair and hopelessness. I"ve felt that way too many times. But each time I was able to pull myself out of the Pit, mostly thru friends who reached for me and would not let go. They pulled me out of the pit. I just had to 'want to be pulled out'.

Are you getting any sort of professional help? I am. I see a shrink every two weeks and am taking meds for my depression and anxiety and up-and-down mood swings. It helps a lot. The meds stabilize my moods a great deal and talking with the shrink gives me someone to bounce my feelings off of and get some good advice on how to deal with my problems. Besides that, I come here regularly and rant and rave and cry on the shoulders of my friends here. That helps also, cause I know I'm not alone in my problems and I have friends who care about me and love me. What a difference that makes.

I hope we can help you thru your rough places and comfort and support you. That's what friends are for. We are an international community of friends. Let us help you.

love and good wishes and hugs,

least